Page 142 of Push

“Gwen, it wasn’t about kissing. What I wanted—needed—wasyou. And, just so we’re clear, no one in the world could kiss me like you do.”

“You like the way I kiss?”

Toby leaned over, his warm breath tickling under my ear. “I fuckinglovethe way you kiss.” My heart thumped faster. He used his growly voice. He nipped my neck but then pulled away,bracing himself on the pillows, and rested his hand on Noah’s back again. “And one day, if I win you back, maybe you’ll put this rusty old knight out of his misery and bestow a few of your…favors.”

I snorted a laugh. “You’re such a dork for this stuff.”

“Yup, but only for you, my fair Lady Gwendolyn. Your knight got a bit sidetracked acting like a selfish dumbass, but I never wanted that spoiled brat lazing around in the tower. I’ve only ever lusted after the warrior queen battling in the forest. She’s the one I want slaying the dragons with me.”

I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. “Toby…” But secretly, I was smiling.

“The warrior queen’s brave, but—wait!”He grinned against my temple. “She’s also so damn smart she’s come up with ten different plans for us to defeat the dragon without even drawing our swords. So, we beat the dragon in record time, bundle up the cute prince, and head to the beach instead.” He sighed. “Nowthat’sa happy ending.”

“You’re a big goofball, you know that?”

“I believe that’s one of the few things you like about me.”

“Hey—don’t say that. There are heaps I love about you.”

Toby dipped his chin in a slow nod. He was quiet. Too quiet. No jokes. My comment had hit him in the chest. Maybe I hadn’t told him enough how important he was to me. I’d been so stuck in my own problems that I’d forgotten he needed me just as much as I needed him.

“I wish I’d told you more,” I admitted.

“You didn’t need to—”

His words faltered into a choked cough when I planted a kiss on his cheek. It broke my heart to see how wide he smiled.

“One of the hardest parts about reading your notes was how lonely you felt,” I said. “Some of that was my fault. I know I pushed you away and kept everything I was going throughto myself. Sometimes it was because I thought you’d launch into fix-it mode, but sometimes…” I blew out a slow breath. “Sometimes, it was because I was scared you’d see…you know…therealme.” I whispered, “I’m not always a warrior queen.”

“I know,” he whispered back, as if he didn’t want anyone to know my secret, either. “Why do you think I act like such a fool sometimes?”

My eyebrows shot up, but he only smiled.

“You get stuck up in that big ol’ brain of yours,” he said. “You start workshopping a thousand problems, and you get this frown on your face. And sometimes, it’s good when you frown like that… Like when you solved the riddle of the overcharged water bill… And sometimes, it’s not good… Like when you think I won’t love you just because you’re not a prosecutor anymore.”

The fresh sting of tears clawed at my tired eyes. I cradled Noah closer, burying my cheek in his fuzzy blonde hair. I didn’t want Toby to see me fall apart again—not about this.

Toby touched the corner of my mouth. “There’s that frown again. This time, you’re workshopping fears.” His fingers disappeared to run along my jaw instead. “Gwen, it’s taken me some tough therapy sessions and nights of soul-searching, but I understand where I went wrong now. What happened wasn’t because of somethingyouwere missing. Something was missing insideme. I took the easy road.”

“Don’t shoulder all the blame. I wasn’t perfect, either. But we need to start moving beyond that. If we keep rehashing old ground, always looking to blame…” What? We didn’t move forward? Did I want to move on? Try again? Butterflies danced in my stomach.DidI want that?

His hand drifted to my arm. “Alright…” A gentle stroke reassured me. “If you’re mixing new info into your big ol’ brain, add in there that I love youno matter what.Jobs don’t matter—”

“You say it doesn’t.It does.If I’m not enough…” My breath hitched. “What about the next time a pretty dental assistant smiles at you?”

“Kayleigh’s not pretty. Not to me. And no more assistants.”

I snorted. “You can’t just say ‘no more assistants,’ like that’s your fix-it-mode solution. You’re a dentist.”

“Okay, you pick the next assistant.”

“Toby, be serious…”

“I’m deadly serious. If that’s what you need so you can trust me and not get stuck in your head when I’m at work, then you say so. I’ll hire anyone you want. Another dude. Some old duck about to fall off the perch. You name it. If you need me to give up being a dentist, I’ll do it.”

“You love being a dentist!”

“I love you—our family—a thousand times more. No comparison. Dentistry is a job. You’re my life.” The pillow rustled as he scootched closer to rest his forehead against mine. “Gwen, I want us to start again. I want ten thousand days, like I said in my letter. But can you choose me? Not one foot out the door, ready to end it any second.Reallychoose me? I want you to be all in with me.”

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