Page 151 of Push

“You worked so damn hard. I missed you.”

Toby kept his eyes trained on the road, but his shoulders slumped even lower. “I… I missed you like hell, too. You were sosad all the time. Then Noah came along. I wished every day I’d stayed working for someone else. The clinic was a huge mess.”

“You were doing your best.” I leaned over and rested my head on his shoulder. This was an impossible conversation to have in a car. “But Ian was never worried?”

“Well, he started worrying when his cut dipped lower than normal,” Toby sneered. “We didn’t have enough to make any profit payments for a few months. Ian cared then. Judy said he started watching the books like a hawk.”

Bingo.

Step by step from the fraudster’s playbook. I was almost embarrassed I hadn’t thought of it straight away.

“I don’t fully understand how everything fits together yet,” I admitted to Toby, “but I think Ian might be skimming money from the clinic. He might be blocking the security footage and access to the paperwork to cover his tracks around the office. Do you think you could get me a copy of the books?”

I was surprised when Toby turned to me with a huge grin. “Already got ’em,” he declared, proud as punch. “I downloaded a copy of everything before I got booted out. I’d planned to rustle up some better deals and hire an accountant or someone to find the holes and plug ’em up. So, if your big brain needs to see the books, they’re all yours. A year’s worth of ledgers and accounts coming your way in three…two…” He wiggled his eyebrows.

I smiled. “Thanks.” He teased me, but I was excited.

Poring over evidence and following the trails to find answers—totally my jam. This type of work was better than boring contracts and never-ending due diligence on high-rise building buyouts. I didn’t have all the answers—maybe I didn’t have any—but my mind was occupied on the breadcrumb of clues enough for the noise in my brain to quieten for a few hours.

When we met up with Zach for Stroller Squad, I stood on the playground’s edge, smiling as Toby clambered over thespiderweb after Josie. My smile grew wider when we walked hand-in-hand along the waterfront. When we stopped for ice cream, and Noah went face first for a taste of Toby’s, we exchanged a look before bursting out laughing.

But when the lights were out in the bedroom, and the mattress dipped under the weight of Toby’s big body, I was restless again.

His arm wrapped around me, his hand resting on the curve of my belly. He sighed. “I can hear you thinking,” he whispered.

“Something’s still bugging me. You know when you’re trying to remember the name of a song, and the words are right on the tip of your tongue, but you can’t spit them out?”

“Yep.” He nuzzled his nose into my hair. “Is that what it’s like stuck up in that big brain of yours?”

“Kind of. I feel like I’m on the edge of figuring out what Ian’s up to, but there are so many other thoughts screaming at the same time. Noah. You. Liam. House stuff. It’s crazy in there.”

“Have you thought some more about talking to someone?”

I rolled over. We were nose-to-nose on the pillow. “I made an appointment, but I…” I puffed out a sigh.

“Put it off?”

“How did you—”

“I know you, Gwen. If you say you’ll do something, you do it. No ifs, no buts, no coconuts. You said you’d talk to someone weeks ago, and you haven’t. What’s holding you back?”

I nibbled down on my bottom lip. “I don’t know.”

“Fibber.” His hand softly cupped my cheek. “I know I haven’t earned your trust back. Maybe I never will. But you can trust me to listen to you about what’s worrying you about trying therapy. No judgment. Let me in a little bit.”

I buried my face in the pillow. I’d asked Toby to be honest, but I was still lagging ten steps behind. And it wasn’t just the situation with Kayleigh—we’d had problems before she came into the picture. I had a lifetime of secrets buried inside me. Ineeded to be brave and let Toby in, but it was hard after hiding my vulnerabilities for so long.

Nerves battered my stomach in waves. “I, um…” It felt impossible to show weakness to the one person I desperately wanted to think I was the greatest in the world. I wanted Toby to believe I was invincible.Worthwhile. “What if underneath it all I’m just…nothing… No one. Just the daughter of some drunk. Or worse—likeher?” I couldn’t swallow past the lump in my throat. “What if the psychologist can’t fix me?”

“Gwen…” Toby wrapped strong arms around me and squeezed me against his chest. He was kind of heavy. I loved that spot. “You don’t need to be fixed. You just need a bit of extra help to sort through all the old news in your brain. You’re already the best person I know.”

“You have to say that. We’re married.”

“That’s not why I say it. The way I feel about you has nothing to do with you being some other person’s definition of perfect. Remember what I said the other day? I’m here for Just Gwen. It doesn’t matter what form you come in. My high school sweetheart. My badass lawyer wife. I like hanging out with all the Just Gwens.”

“The broken one?”

“She’s ace. She gives the best cuddles.”

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