Page 155 of Push

“Not comfy,” I replied absently.

“First time talking to a psychologist?”

First…and last.“Yeah.”

“You have some reservations?”

Some? Try loads. “Yeah.”

“Can you share why you decided to make an appointment?”

I shrugged. “Things have changed a lot over the last year.”

Paula sat down in the chair opposite me. “How about we start with one thing that’s changed?” She rested a notepad in her lap, but she wasn’t writing anything.

I bit my lip and chose a safe place to start. “I had a baby.”

“That’s a big change. Your first?” When I nodded, Paula asked, “How do you feel about becoming a mum?”

“Great. My son—Noah—he’s the best. Always happy. An easy baby. My husband loves kids, and he’s always wanted a family. We both did, I guess.” I shrugged.

Paula’s head tilted. She still wasn’t writing anything in her notebook. “That sounds like a positive change.”

“It…was…”

“But something’s happened?” Paula asked. “More recently?”

“My husband… Toby.” I squirmed on the seat. “He…” I blew out a slow breath. “He had an affair.”

“Gwen, that must have been a very tough truth for you to find out.” Paula wrotethatin her notebook. “I’m sorry to hear you had to go through that. How did you feel?”

“Humiliated. Completely betrayed. Like he threw me on the ground, kicked me in the guts, and abandoned me to die alone in the gutter.”

Paula’s eyebrow rose just a tiny bit.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “Was that too much?”

“No, not at all,” she said quickly. “You just surprised me. I hadn’t expected you to be so honest. And before you worry”—she smiled—“honesty’s important in this room.”

I nodded and sipped my coffee.I bet.That’d give her plenty to write in her notebook.

“And your husband…” Paula continued. “Toby. You’re still together?”

“Yeah. We’re trying to give it another go.” I paused. I hadn’t realized my hand was tugging at the hem of my skirt.

Paula smiled softly but didn’t prompt me to say anything else. The silence made me itchy.

I filled the void all by myself.“Buthowdo I do that? Iwantto do that… Give him another chance, you know? I love thatman like no one else ever could. He’s an incredible person. He’s sweet. A big ol’ boy scout. He’s never gone out of his way to be mean or hurt anyone his whole life. And yet, with me… I’m the person he’s supposed to care about the most, but he just…”

Gave up.

Forgot about me.

Cheated.

Hurt me.

“Gwen, it sounds like you care about your husband.”

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