Page 33 of Push

“How? More of your bullcrap messages?”

Confusion creased between Toby’s brows. “You don’t like the messages?”

“It’s a bit late for hearts and kisses and coffee deliveries, don’t you think?”

“Not if it means you’ll smile at me again one day.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Or laugh at one of my jokes,” he added. “No one laughs like you do. It’s a battle to get one out of you, but when I hear that sound…” A dopey smile stretched across his face.

“For God’s sake, Toby.” My words hissed through gritted teeth. “You ended our marriage! You’re carrying on like we’re arguing over putting on a load of laundry or something! Act seriously foroncein your life, will you?”

“I’m taking this as seriously as a damn heart attack.”

“Not from where I’m standing.”

“Staring at a hotel ceiling night after night woke me up to what’s important. My eyes are wide open, and I see everything I want in the universe right in front of me.” Toby’s eyes drifted down, and his palm softly curved over Noah’s fuzzy head. “You and NoBo. That’s it. I won’t stop trying to make up for my mistakes, even if it takes years. Even if it’s never.”

I took the guesswork out of the equation for him. “It’s never.”

Toby flinched, but another goofy smile masked how my words had gutted him. “Okay,well… At least I’ve got a timeframe to work toward now.” He grinned at the chubby boy still sleeping in his carrier. “Little dude, I think we need a new game plan. She told me to bugger off, just like you said she would. Oh, what’s that?” Toby tilted his head and pretended to listen to the whispers of our sleeping son. His gaze lifted to mine before acautious smile broke across his face. “So, since flowers are out… Noah wants to know how you feel about chocolates.”

The patches I’d slapped over the broken pieces of my stone-cold heart cracked open. Warm and fuzzy whispers slithered in. Toby was such a dork. I’d bawled a thousand tears over the sweet boy I’d lost somewhere along the way. But on the outside, I was deadpan, unshaken, and as pissed off as ever.

Toby would never break me again.

Never.

12

He Challenged the Friend

Toby

The changing room doorswung open. Ian sauntered in, all smiles, running late for work as usual.

I slumped over on the bench by the lockers. A coffee was in one hand, my phone in the other. I nodded hello and turned my attention back to my screen. The video of Noah babbling as he stuffed blueberries in his mouth looped on repeat, but it was the message below it that my eyes kept getting stuck on.

Toby

Morning, Gwen. Thanks for the cute as heck video. Love you both so much.

Gwen’s response? Black. Blank.Nothing. Would she ever respond to my messages? Even just once?

The way I missed Gwen clawed at my throat and stopped the air from reaching my lungs. She was everything to me.Shewasmy air. I could barely breathe without her. I just neededonesmall sign to hang in there.

“Mate.” Ian’s hand slapped me on my shoulder as he passed. “You look like shit.”

I didn’t look up from my phone. “I’ve had a lot of thinking to do.”

“You?” Ian smirked. “Thinking?”

“Shove it.”

Ian wasn’t bothered by my sharp tongue. He grinned as he grabbed his white coat off the hanger. “Did you manage to convince Gwen to let you see the little guy again?” When I nodded, he asked cautiously, “How’d that go?”

“It was a train wreck.” The understatement of the century. “I didn’t exactly help the situation by acting the damn fool.”

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