Page 36 of Push

A wary eye on his gifts, I gnawed on my bottom lip. “Ian, I appreciate you, but… This is too much.”

“Gwenny, come on. You never treat yourself. It’s one of the throwbacks to growing up poor.” He shrugged and tried to downplay tough memories with another smile. “I get it.” He jiggled the bag. “What do you say?”

My gaze was almost longing. Toast and a proper coffeedidsound nice. “Okay… Just this once.” I motioned for him to hurry inside. “No work today?” I bumped the door closed with my hip.

“Uh, no…” His eyes shifted to the empty hooks dotting the hallway. I’d stripped all the reminders of my wedding and the silly holiday snaps off the walls and tucked them under a bag of old baby clothes in the garage. “Sometimes, there are more important things than work.”

“You bailed?” My heart sank from the guilt.“Pleasetell me this visit isn’t the only reason.”

“Gwen, I blew up your life—”

“You didn’t blow up anything. Toby made his choices.”

Even though Ian managed a tight smile, I could see the effort it took.

“I don’t want to ruin your friendship,” I said. “I certainly don’t expect you to pick sides. Don’t feel like you have to put yourself in a difficult situation, okay?”

His smile faded. “I think Tobes made that choice for us, too.” His chest caved, the bright facade at the door replaced by a man who looked almost as broken as I felt.

I swallowed, the lump barely shifting in my throat, and patted Ian’s arm with my free hand. “I’ll put this little guy down. If you’re not here when I come back—”

“I’ll be here.”

And he was.

By the time I wandered into the kitchen, he’d arranged the breakfast on plates, the cutlery neatly set out, and he was busy unpacking the dishwasher. I plonked the baby monitor beside my coffee.

“I’ll have to get you back tomorrow,” I said, only half joking.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” Ian’s grin was sheepish. “I know this whole…situationcan’t be easy for you. Toby might’ve checked out a long time ago, but I know it’s hard when there’s only one person carrying the load of a whole household.”

I scooted onto the stool. My head ducked, careful to hide the punch of his words in the center of my chest.

Iansawme.

Exhaustion ached deep in my bones from constantly beingon. On watch. On demand. Just…on. All the time.

Everything had been on me since I’d thrown Toby out of the house. My morning coffee on the back porch and the glorious baby-free shower I’d enjoyed before he disappeared for work—poof, gone. The precious moments of extra sleep I’d snuck after flapping a clumsy hand at Toby, telling him to try settling Noah first, were a distant memory too.

I could haul fifty diapers in the bags hanging under my eyes. I wasthattired.

Ian edged closer. “My mum did it on her own. I saw how hard it was for her… The stress over little things… Not having anyone to talk to.” His voice lowered. “I don’t want that for you or Noah. I want to be there for you.” The tip of his index finger grazed my arm. “In every way I can.”

A nervous flutter in my chest forced me to clear my throat. “Thanks.” I held up my coffee. “Cheers?”

Was it strange to toast to breakfast? Any distraction was better than trying to breathe whenever Ian’s gaze locked on me. Theburn of his hazel eyes was intense. Had he ever looked at me like this before? Once… Maybe twice… The day of the wedding… When else? My hands stopped twisting the napkin when his eyes crinkled in a soft smile.

“To new beginnings?” he said, lifting his coffee.

“It’s a classic for a reason.” I tapped my cup against his. “Cheers!”

“Cheers.”

We sipped our coffee in silence. My eyes darted around the kitchen, unsure where to look, and my mouth was empty of any meaningful conversation.

Ian rearranged his cutlery two times before letting out a groan. “Tell me this feels awkward.”

Thank God it wasn’t only me. “It feelsincrediblyawkward.”

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