Page 39 of Push

“Fuck!” Ian buckled over, clutching the front of his pants, his face contorted in an agonized gasp.

Horrified, my hands flew to cover my mouth. “Sorry!” I shuffled back to a safer distance.

He bellowed his pain at the ceiling.

“Sorry!”

My hand fumbled over cold stainless steel for the handle of the freezer. I yanked open the door, grabbed a bag of frozen corn, and tossed it at him. Still bent over, he glared at me. The bag hit the floor.

“I’m so sorry. I just—” I grabbed a bag of peas this time and sort of shoved it at him. “Please. Just—” Tears streaked down my cheeks.

“Gwen.” It was more like a grunt than a word. “I’m—I’m not mad.”

“Please. I’m sorry. Butpleasego.”

“I know this is hard for you.”

“Go!” My shrill scream shocked us both.

Ian lifted shaking palms. “I’ll go.” Not quick enough. He pressed a kiss to my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

He turned back to apologize again before he disappeared through the doorway. Finally, alone, I slid down the cabinets, collapsing in a mess of tears, my body crumbling into a ball under the weight of the sobs. My life had unraveled. Everything was a mess. I was as bad as Toby. I’d kissed his best friend. Ian had…had…

Oh, God.

My phone trembled in my hand. Toby’s name stared back at me. I wanted to message him. My constant. I needed his big, strong arms around me, his soft laugh by my ear as he whispered some silly joke to stop me from fixating on the terrible thing that had happened in the one place I thought I was safe.

But Toby was gone.

He’d made his choice, and it hadn’t been me.

I scrubbed the tears from my eyes with unforgiving hands.

Enough of that.

A shaky breath, and I was back on my feet. My legs wobbled, but I growled at myself to stand tall. I lifted my chin. Precious years with Toby had lulled me into a false sense of security. I’d been training for this moment my entire life before I met him. I could do this on my own.

I shuffled to the dishwasher and flicked the latch. Time to finish stacking. I’d wipe the counters down next. Then, I’d fold some laundry. Maybe I could take Noah for a walk in the park when he woke up…

Like a proper mum.

And the day went on as if nothing had ever happened.

14

He Saw His Mother

Toby

The Tanyanator

Quit stalling.

My sister wasn’t wrong.I didn’t need to circle the block three times to find a parking spot closer to my mother’s place. Ididneed to send Gwen a thank-you for the photo of Noah at bath time, but I probably didn’t need to spend ten more minutes scrolling through the other pictures of him I’d saved on my phone.

I was one thousand percent stalling.

The Tanyanator

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