Page 77 of Push

“Really?” The worried crease between his eyes faded. “That makes me feel better about going. You know what my family’s like. My mother’s always said therapy is a scam. She’s convinced everyone’s trying to steal my father’s money.” He tried to joke about it, but there was too much pain in his eyes for us to laugh. “Gwen, I’m so sorry. I know I keep saying that, and words won’t fix us, but I am.”

“I want to hear the words sometimes.”

“Yeah?”

I nodded. “It’s not enough, but it helps.”

Toby’s eyes drifted to the stroller as he spun his wedding band around on his finger. “And Gwen… About Ian…” The muscle in his jaw twitched. “He lies. I’ve learned he lies a lot. But he said some things… About you…”

My lungs locked up without warning, and the ghost of Ian’s voice whispering in my ear twisted around my heart.Let me show you how beautiful you are.I pressed my palm against my chest and begged the frantic thump to slow down.

Hold it together.

My emotions carefully contained, I asked, “What kind of things did he say?”

“I recorded the conversation with Ian if you want to hear it firsthand.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. I turned my brain on for a whole second before I walked into his apartment.” His shoulders squared with pride. “I tried to step back and act like you. You know, objective brainiac style.” His happiness was short-lived. He slumped his weight onto one arm, his head drooping. “I must’ve listened to the conversation like six times in the car. I’m going to warn you… Even after hearing Ian’s smug voice say this shit a bunch of times, I still can’t promise I won’t get worked up over it.”

I gnawed my lower lip. “That bad?”

“Hells to the yeah.”

“Um… Okay.” My voice wavered, the apprehension coughing the words out weaker than I’d hoped. “Let’s hear what he has to say.”

Toby mashed at a few buttons on his phone and dropped it on the blanket between us. “Just, uh…pretend you don’t hear the punching bit when it happens.”

I slapped my palm against my forehead. “Toby!”

“For the record, I fully psyched myself upnotto hit him.” He flashed me a lopsided grin. “He just has a super punchable face sometimes.”

And with the grand sort of flourish only Toby could pull off, he hit play.

25

She Admitted Her Secret

Gwen

I scooted closer toToby on the picnic blanket, straining to hear the recording.

Too many years reviewing evidence meant I didn’t even flinch when I heard the crack of Toby’s punch, but the shock of Ian’s confession seized around my throat. I absolutely wasn’t ready to listen to the argument that followed.

Frantic, I stabbed my finger at the screen to stop the recording.

“That’s not true.” I barely choked out the words and pressed my palm against my thumping heart. “He doesn’t mean any of that.” He couldn’t. If he did, he wouldn’t have—

“Take a second, doll.” Toby nodded encouragement as I forced down gulps of air. “Don’t let the thoughts win.”

I shook my head. The thoughtswerewinning. I screwed my eyes shut. “How bad does this get? I don’t—I can’t—” My mindfractured, stuck somewhere between the picnic blanket and the bite of unwanted fingers in my skin.

“Big breaths.” Toby’s hand softened tentatively against the curve of my spine, his voice dropping lower. “Take it slow.”

My eyes darted everywhere, searching for answers that didn’t exist. Panicked, I blurted out, “I didnothingto encourage Ian.”

“I know that.” Toby’s hand squeezed my knee. “You’re not under the microscope here. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

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