Page 78 of Push

I had.I had.“Ian told the truth about messaging me. It was harmless.‘How are you? Do you need anything?’ That kind of stuff. He’d drop by with milk sometimes. We talked about books. But I’ve never done anything to encourage Ian’s feelings… Not even the day he stopped by…and…and…” I shook my head furiously. “You understand that, right?”

Toby’s lips pressed into a thin line.

“Right?”

He waited for a beat. And another. He seemed to be at war with himself. His mouth opened and closed, and his expression was pained. In the end, he gave my knee another gentle squeeze. “He stopped by?”

“Toby…Please…”

“The day after the party, right?”

“Ye-yeah.”

Nerves sparked like tiny firecrackers in my stomach. Toby frowned, his eyes tracking me like a hawk until they settled on my hands. I’d knotted the hem of my T-shirt around my fingers and was twisting and twisting, desperately trying to distract myself from the pounding in my chest.

“Gwen, that’s the only time…right?”

“Toby, I didn’t want to.” My tone almost pleaded for forgiveness.

“What did he do?” The helpless look I threw at him to try to wriggle out of this conversation only made him more determined to find out the truth. “Tell me.”

“He, um… stopped by the house one morning when I was alone…and…” The salty sting of tears blurred the plaid lines of the picnic rug. I scrubbed my hand over my eyes to make any trace of weakness disappear. This was no time for self-pity. I gulped in a breath.

The line between Toby’s eyes only deepened. “Did he touch you?” His jaw clenched too tight as he waited for me to answer.

I scrunched back into a tiny ball and wrapped my arms around my knees.

“Gwen…?”

With my head between my legs, I managed to choke out, “It was all my fault. I was stuck in my head after looking at one of Kayleigh’s posts, and Ian told me she didn’t have to win…if I…”

“If youwhat?”

“If I kissed him.”

“A kiss? Just one?”

“I agreed to one.”

He barked a laugh. I hadn’t fooled him with my evasive answer. “And how many were there?”

“Too many. Ian was just…” My breath caught. “He wasonme. I was against the wall in the kitchen… And his hands wereonme…under my…my…”

“Gwen, did Ian hurt you?” A tremor tugged at the edge of his voice. There was a sniffle.

Scared, I was slow to lift my gaze, expecting Toby’s glare to be waiting. But I’d misjudged the situation. His face was drawn in harsh lines, his skin drained of every drop of color except for the pale rivers streaking down his cheeks. His chest heaved under labored breaths.

“Tell me what to do.” His whisper was almost frantic. “Tell me, Gwen, because all I want to do is hold you and never let you go. I want you in my arms when I promise I’ll never let Ian hurt you again, but…” His eyes went to the sky in frustration. “I can’t hold you because you won’t let me. I can’t doanythingbecause I threw us away on that…thatgirl…and… Gwen, I don’t know what todo.”

I’d never expected him to say any of that. “You’re not angry?”

“At you?” Shock and fresh tears pooled in his eyes. “Never. At Ian? Yeah, I’m going to kill him for real this time. He hurt you. He…” Toby shuddered in a breath. “Gwen, I know you understand things better than me. Laws and stuff. But if you didn’t want him to touch you, that means he assaulted you—”

“No.” I wasn’t a victim. I was strong. I kicked ass in a job that made other people burn out in the blink of an eye. “I saidyes.”

Toby dismissed my comment with a frustrated growl. “We need to report him.”

“I’m not walking into my old precinct and dealing with the pitying eyes of men who used to respect me by filing pointless charges over a couple of kisses.”

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