Page 81 of Push

Guilt ached bone-deep. I had no idea what to do. A relentless, unforgiving urge demanded I charge over to Ian’s and make him pay for touching Gwen. I’d feel better for a breath, maybe two, but my anger solved nothing. Those feelings didn’t recognize what Gwen needed, only what would make me feel better.

So, instead, I’d buried the feelings down deep with the other realities I wasn’t ready to face. I exhausted myself doing star jumps to dull the surge of adrenaline that never stopped pumping. I punched the pillow until feathers floated in the air and fluttered onto my face like snowflakes. I prayed my son wouldn’t end up like me.

By the time night rolled around, I was exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep. My eyes snapped open to a pitch-black room, and I stared up at the ceiling. Midnight ticked by. Then it was one. Almost two.

I grabbed my phone. Looked at photos. Checked my messages.

Zach’s name was near the top.

Token Dad Zach

Catch up another time, mate?

His last message was days old, but I smiled.Mate. Not yet…but…

I started typing.

Toby

Wanna go for a run tomorrow morning?

His reply instantly pinged back. I guess Zach didn’t sleep either.

Token Dad Zach

This tomorrow morning or TOMORROW tomorrow morning?

Sunday. Four hours from now.

I’m down. See you at 6?

And that was how a couple of dads wound up stretching beside each other to warm up for a Sunday run.

No lie—I was stoked.

I ran all the time. A healthy body was important to me. The shy way Gwen’s cheeks still flushed hot pink when she saw me without a shirt on made keeping fit worth the effort. But, this early, the running trail was usually deserted except for me, my tortured guilt, and the group of oldies power walking in matching pastel tracksuits. It was great to have some company for once. If we kept this up, we’ddefinitelyneed matching tracksuits.

Zach smothered a yawn behind his hand.

I smirked. “You’re off to a good start.”

“A cracking start,” he agreed with a laugh. “It’s been a long night.”

“I know that feeling. Why were you up at two in the morning?”

“Alfie’s decided sleeping’s optional. Midnight’s now party time.” Zach crouched to loop the laces on his black trainers extra tight. “My wife’s about to ship him off to boarding school.” He grinned up at me. “Is your little guy keeping you up too? Teething or something?”

“Nah… I’m not…” I sighed. “Gwen said she needed some space after…”I ruined my marriage and destroyed my family. Pick one. Both were accurate.

Zach frowned. “Sorry, mate. I didn’t realize. I thought maybe you guys were patching things up.”

“Gwen never said anything?”

Zach shook his head. “Word spread quickly in the group chat about, er…” He grimaced. I didn’t need to be the sharpest tool in the shed to figure out he was trying to avoid referring tomy affair.“Well, we all saw the photo. That was a shock. Before that night—even after—Gwen sings your praises. Sometimes, you hear people complaining about their other halves, but she’s never joined in.”

My gut hit the grass. I was the biggest ass in the world, blabbing about how miserable I was to Kayleigh while Gwen burrowed our problems down deep. The sinking feeling in my stomach only got worse. In the end, we’d both made the wrong choice. We should’ve been talking to each other.

“Zach…” I glanced back at him. He seemed like a good guy. He was the serious, salt-of-the-earth type. Not like me. I bet his wife was thrilled he was hanging out with the bastard who cheated on his wife. “Why’d you agree to come this morning?”

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