Page 97 of Push

“No, that’s not—” She raised a palm to let me know she was collecting her thoughts. “I’m not good at this whole being honest thing. I—wow—this is hard.” She whooshed out a breath. “I want to pick Noah up on my own. Not because of you, though, if that makes sense.”

“Not…really?”

Gwen fidgeted with the edge of the coaster, carefully locking her gaze on the mug. “Dropping Noah off at daycare was hard for me this morning. Actually, this whole situation has been a lot harder than I imagined. I thought going back to work and being away from Noah would be easier than… well…this.” Her breaths turned to a shudder. “I have a feeling I’m going to need a big cry on the way home.”

My heart squished under the weight of seeing her so vulnerable. This wasn’t like her. She was hurting big time. “Oh, Gwen.” I stepped forward, but her palm shot up again.

“Stay right there, big guy. I’m okay.Now. If you come with me, I’ll try to put on a brave face and hold everything in, but…” Her lips turned up in a shaky smile. “Maybe we’re both trying to do things differently?”

“Yeah.” My smile wasn’t shaky at all. This was great. “We are. You just want to get out all the feels?”

She nodded. “I think I need that. Is that okay?”

“More than okay.”

I wasn’t imagining the warmth in her eyes when she softly asked, “Areyougoing to be okay when I’m gone?”

“Yeah.” For the first time in a long time, I believed the words when they came out of my mouth. “I’m going to be fine.”

31

She Battled Her Memories

Gwen

I hopped out ofthe taxi, my eyes glued to my phone.

Ian

Talk to me. I miss you. Can’t stop thinking about you xo

Unsteady, I jerked to a stop on the sidewalk. The problem was, I couldn’t stop thinking about Ian, either.

Over my career, I’d been confronted with the crimes of evil men, but cornered, alone in my kitchen, my naivety had been my downfall. Marnie had warned me. Life should’ve been the biggest warning of all. And at night, when my eyes drifted closed, the whispers in my head reminded me on repeat:It was all your fault.

Weakness like that could never happen again. I needed to end this.

Gwen

Don’t ever contact me again.

My trembling finger jabbed the block button.

I stowed my phone in my bag, and with a carefully practiced facade of indifference, I stood tall in front of the doorway.

This wasn’t any old venue. It was The Red Room. The entrance was inconspicuous, nothing but a set of narrow stairs leading up, up, up to the city’s most notorious strip club.

I’d marched up those stairs for the first—and, I’d thought, the last—time when I was barely twelve. Two bouncers had chased me, hollering about me being underage. No shit. It wasn’t a social visit. Elias had slipped up and mentioned my brother worked there. Well, not for long. I’d dragged Liam out by his ear. Why couldn’t he get a job at a fast-food joint like every other teenager we knew?

No one chased me this time.

I strode through the club, almost choking on the cigar smoke curling in the air, but with my head held high and my heels clicking across the scuffed wooden floor. I waved off the waitress who insisted I needed to wait.

“Mr. Crawford will see me now, or not at all,” I replied.

Liam only smirked when I tossed the pile of paperwork at him. He looked more than comfortable as he lounged back at the head of a velvet-lined booth filled with mafiosos dressed in fine suits pretending to be legitimate businessmen. Did Liam know? Would hecare?I glared at every last one of those men even though all eyes except my brother’s had dropped to the table.

“Temper, temper,” Liam cooed. “I warned you this might happen.”

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