Page 97 of When Love Gives You Lemons
I grab his hand and squeeze it tight. I want to tell him I’ve regretted letting him go from the second I left.
He opens his mouth to talk, but stops himself, probably confused about how to act. Is he relieved, or angry at how I was able to walk away from him so quickly? I can still read his face, a gift and a horrible, flesh-eating, guilt-ridden curse.
I owe him an explanation. At the very least.
“Tonight,” I say. “Back at the villa. We’ll meet someplace neutral. The pool?” The first night at the villa floods me, standing there with Fielder under the stars surrounded by fireflies. It felt like meeting him all over again. “And talk about everything. Promise.”
“No. Not tonight,” he says. “I think after today, I need some time. We both do. Youclearlyhave a decision to make.”
“Tomorrow, then.” I think of Topher’s surprise planned for Sienna that Fielder and I are supposed to collaborate on. “After the rehearsal dinner. Promise. You deserve that much.”You both do, I think to myself.
The weight oftomorrowpresses against my rib cage.
Chapter 18
This Is What Comes from Telling the Truth
“I do not want to talk about Ricky DeLuca,” I declare in our suite as I step into my shorts for dinner with the Coven. Tonight, we’re breaking up into small family units, which, frankly, is needed after the emotional roller coaster of today. “This is a Ricky-free zone.”
Matty stares me down. “All I’ve heard all year isRicky this,Ricky that.” He mimics me, walking around the room, stopping at the armchair by the window near my bed: “Ricky would love this chair.” He moves toward the desk and inspects the top with his index finger. “Ricky makes tables.” I nearly piss myself when he sashays to the armoire and drops it down low, pops his bussy, and pouts his lips as he whimpers, “Ricky carves a better dresser than the poor unfortunate soul who did this.” He moves into a pseudo-Ursula accent fromThe Little Mermaid, but I don’t care because I’m laughing so hard I nearly forget that Ricky has twenty-four hours to decide whether or not he’s going to massacre my heart for a second time.
“Do a death drop next,” I request as he crashes to the floor. “But point taken.”
Matty hobbles toward me. “You’re scared. You don’t want to be hurt again. Devastated like you were a year ago, but that’s not gonna happen. You’re so much stronger now, even if you don’t see it.” He grabs hold of my hand. “You love him, but even if he doesn’t choose you, you don’t need him now like you needed him then. And I think you know that. Yeah, you’ll be heartbroken, but it won’t wreck you. You’ve proven that you’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
“You think?”
“Dude, look at you. A year ago, did you think you’d be able to be here?”
Reader, if you’d told me one year ago that Topher and Sienna would be getting married and that I’d have to stand across from Ricky, I probably would have beenmoredelusional in my pursuit to win Ricky back (I know what you’re thinking after roughly 300 pages of this, but I’m far more rational now).
“I’m not going to fight for someone who doesn’t want to fight for me. If Ricky wants me, he can fight for me for once.”
“That’s the spirit!”
There’s no way to protect my heart—getting back together is a leap of faith I’m not sure I can take now, and ending it feels like killing a part of myself. However, if and when we do talk, Icansay everything I need to so I don’t regret anything, and if it ends, it ends. And that, my friends, is growth.
Without warning, the door to our suite bursts open, and the Coven waltzes right in, not bothering to check if we’re naked or on the toilet or showering. Typical.
“It’s a pig sty in here,” Ma says.
“Seriously, open a window,” Zia Rosa adds.
“You let that nice boy from the lemon farm sleep here?” Zia Gab asks, and Zia Rosa whips her head around so fast you’d think she was possessed by a demon.
“What?” Zia Rosa yanks the pillow away from Matty’s face. “He slept here? Did you kick Fielder out?”
“Ma, no, stop, relax!” Matty yells.
“You ready for dinner? That nice Chef Vittoria has our family meal ready by the pool for us. Topher is eating with the DeLucas, not that I’m mad or anything, but it’d be nice if he ate with us too, just saying,” Zia Gab says, picking clothes up off the floor and gathering them in a heap on the desk. “There’s laundry machines, you know. You’re going to have to learn how to do your own laundry in college.”
“I know how to do laundry!” Matty’s armor is weakened. “Stop cleaning!”
“Where the hell am I sitting?” Nonna bellows from the doorway, her silhouette backlit like the badass Supreme she is. Shuffling quickly, she swats Matty off his own bed. “Shove over.”
Matty mouths a “sorry” and says, “Thought you could use a Coven-tervention.”
“Wow, you had sex and became funny. Welcome.” I bow. “Your gay card should be here in five to seven business days.”
