Page 98 of When Love Gives You Lemons
Nonna smacks me upside the head. “Puttana!”
We all burst out in laughter. I’ve been so focused on Ricky this week I haven’t spent any time with my family. I forgot how much I missed it, how much I needed them.
“Level with us,” Ma commands.
With a deep breath, I plunge into the entire saga, from my super vague and not-at-all thought-out plan to win Ricky back to the Cam saga to the Clock App of it all, coming clean about the contest I hope to win but I’m even more grateful it gave me the oomph to research how climate change is impacting Amalfi and the lemon groves.
Ma reaches out her hand and takes mine. “You always thought you were running without direction; you made up this story for yourself that you were living a life backwards, but Fielder, you were living. That’s the point, to live a full life. It’s all I ever wanted for you.” She brushes stray hair from her eyes.
“Doesn’t matter how it happens, or how you do it,” Zia Gab says, picking up the torch. “Most people just stay on autopilot, but you? You’re figuring it all out in real time. It’s beautiful and inspiring, Fielder! What you’re building online, the passions you’re pursuing, I’m so proud! Let me see this contest internship; maybe Topher can help.”
I hand over my phone, scrolling first to @FoodForChange and pulling up the contest’s bylaws. Zia Gab squints intently, reading all about Michelin-star chef Mars Lyon and theirOut of This WorldTV series, how it promotes food sustainability. “I can’t see a thing, this is so small; where are my glasses?”
“On the top of your head, Squinter!” Ma yells. “What’s the point of wearing glasses if they’re always on the top of your head, Madonna mia!”
“Shut up,” Zia Gab says, pawing for her glasses. “Jeez, Fielder, this sounds exactly like the kind of stuff you’re filming at the Avello Family Lemon Groves. I bet you’re a shoo-in! What are you so worried about?”
“Sometimes I just feel so messy,” I say. “Or, like, when I compare myself to Topher, I feel like I have zero direction. And being here this week, trying to win Ricky back and losing at that, it’s another reminder I’m doing things all wrong.”
“You’re not messy,” Matty adds. “Or backwards. Or wrong. You gotta cut that shit. Please, fam, tell him! ’Cause I’m getting tired!”
“Language,” Zia Rosa says. “But he’s right. I don’t envy you. When we were growing up, we didn’t have phones or laptops. It’s no wonder you think you’re living out of order: your generation is too exposed to ‘everything, everywhere all at once’—”
“Ay-yo!” Matty’s obsessed with that movie and made me watch it a billion times. He was pissed I read the spoilers about the ending and twists and different multiverse storylines, but I needed to know how it would end before I committed.
Zia Rosa continues, “You’re so exposed to everything that anything you compare yourself to is going to make you feel inadequate. We’re not meant to be exposed to so much all the time.”
“And don’t compare yourself to Topher. He’s twenty-five, you’re eighteen in a couple weeks. You have a lot of life to live,” Zia Gab says.
“You’re doing just fine, baby,” Ma says. “You’re allowed to slow down and figure it out. Fall in love. Have your heart broken. Trust that it’ll mend. Ithasalready.”
Nonna hums, and we all turn, knowing she’s about to impart old-world wisdom.
Deep in thought, she rests her hands delicately in her lap.
“Is it a bad thing I fell in love with Ricky so young?” I ask her. “Should I leave him in the past and move on? Past him?”
“As old as I am,” Nonna begins, “I know one thing. Love doesn’t come along more than a couple times in your life.Ifyou’re lucky. What you and Ricky have? That’s a genuine love that can’t be touched, and it’s one worth seeing through.”
“Or at least hearing him out, whatever the outcome,” Ma adds. “You might be surprised at what you learn about yourself.”
“I’m afraid,” I admit.
“We’re all afraid,” Zia Rosa says.
“You guys?” I ask, and exchange an incredulous stare with Matty.
“All the time,” Ma says. “We’re all single mothers here, either widowed or cheated on or deserted by men in a world that isn’t kind to any of those circumstances. You don’t think that does something to a woman? We got through it together. As a family. Mess with us, we bury you.”
Nonna adds, “We’re like the Mafia, without the death wish. Unless . . .”
Everyone goes silent.
At once, Zia Gab, Zia Rosa, and Ma all shout, “Ma!”
“They know what I mean,” Nonna says, reaching her hand out for me. I kiss it.
“Anyway,” Ma continues. “We keep going for you two, and Topher.”
