Page 114 of Rudra Nandani: The Saga of Control And Seduction

Smiling weakly, I replied,“I searched everywhere, but then thought of coming to the rooftop.”

I heard from Suman about what happened in the meeting, and I could somewhat understand his pain. Sitting beside him silently, I wove my fingers through his hair, caressing his head gently.

My fingers trembled. I felt edgy because I didn't know what kind of behavior to expect from him.“Are you angry?”

Placing his head on my lap, he shook his head,“I just wanted some time alone—just me,” He muttered, closing his eyes.

His face had turned red from pain—pain that ran deeper than visible wounds. The kind of pain that’s unexplainable, only felt.

I kept brushing his hair and asked,“Did I disturb you?” I asked, my tone low.

Turning his head to me, he gazed into my eyes and softly answered,“No, you saved me.” The heaviness in his tone and the way it wavered with hoarseness told me he was hurt—very much. A lone tear swept through his eyes, and my gut wrenched just from seeing that.

Wiping it away, I asked carefully,“Are you missing your father?”

He lightly shook his head.“My mother,” He replied.“I miss her,”

“How did she look?” I asked. When he opened his eyes and gazed at the sky, I noticed how his medium lashes flickered as he looked up and how perfectly his brows arched on his high forehead. His shoulder-length hair was styled in a bun, yet a few loose strands fluttered against his face.

“She was beautiful,” he said. I slowly undid his bun to let his hair flow freely with the breeze, relieving his stress.“I don't remember much. I was just seven or maybe eight when I lost her. She had long hair like yours,” he added, his lips carved into an admiring smile as he described his mother, which made me smile.“Her smile was beautiful, and her eyes—her eyes were filled with an ocean of love. She would look at me with so much care. I would sleep just looking at her face and listening to her melodious voice,” his face lit up as he spoke of her.

I gulped a hard lump down my throat. Him recalling his mother made me miss my brother. It had been months since I had seen him. I remembered how loving and caring a gentleman he was. But I had to keep all this in my heart until everything got better.

Because no matter how much we miss someone, we must be measured with our words and maintain control over our emotions. I hoped that one day everything would be fine; that the line separating two best friends would vanish and that the distances would be washed away, just like the waves erasing the shoreline.

“Bas ek aparaadh ho gaya unse,”(but she just committed one mistake.) His words brought me out of my reverie, and I swallowed, seeing his face flash with immense hurt. I could see how he was keeping himself from bursting into tears.

“And, what was that?” I asked. He had to get over it. He needed to bleed out the pain that had been consuming him—his sanity, his thoughts, and everything he did. All his deeds were stained with his mother’s blood, and until his thoughts were cleansed of that old, dried blood of grief, his decisions would remain biased. They wouldn’t favour the welfare of the people.

A king must not harbor a stained mind or a biased brain, and his decisions should never be swayed by personal hurt.

I saw him looking at the sky as he said it slowly.

“Ek vilaasi se prem kar bethi thi wo. Jo netra swapn dekhne se baddh the, unme swapn sajaaye the unhone. Apni samaajik sthiti se adhik asha kar li thi unhone. Daasi hote hue kisi rajkumar ki patni banne ka sapna dekh liya tha unhone,”(She fell in love witha rake. Eyes that were forbidden from dreaming ended up weaving dreams. She had hoped for more than what her status in society allowed. As a maid, she dared to dream of becoming the wife of a prince.)

My throat dried up listening to his words. Every time someone started sharing their deepest stories, which differed from my own experiences, I became speechless. Yet, I wanted him to move past those painful memories once and for all. So, I remained silent, absorbing whatever he had to say.

He didn't want my opinions or any suggestions. He was capable of doing that.

My Daadisa always told me that if someone opened up to you, it wasn’t because they wanted your suggestion or opinion—they just wanted to unburden their heart.

“Mol chukaaya unhone phir un sapno ka—apne jeevan se, apni swatantrata se, apni icchaoan se aur ant me apne praan se. Humein apne pita se itna prem nahi tha kyunki humaari maasa ke saath jo hua uske liye kahin na kahin sab uttardaayi the, wo bhi. Maasa ka koi dosh nahi tha. Agastya maatra do maah ka tha jab wo humein cchodkar chali gayi thi. Agastya ka koi dosh nahi tha, Ranvijay ka koi dosh nahi tha, humaara koi dosh nahi tha. Baalpan mein kuch nahi chahiye tha humein. Rajkumar hote hue bhi bandhiyoan se bhi bura durr vyavahaar hota tha humaare saath. Jinke sar dhad se alag karne the unke samaksh sar jhukaya humne. Dukh is baat ka nahi ki humaara jeevan yun kat gaya. Kintu humaari maa ko cchod diya hota. Mahadev bhi pata nahi kya Leela rachte hai. Bas maasa ko cchod dete humaare liye, hum aah bhi nahi bharte,”(She paid the price for those dreams— with her life, her freedom, her desires, and in the end, with her life. I didn’t love my father that much because everyone was responsible whatever happened to my mother, he too. Maasa was not at fault. Agastya was only two months old when she passed away, so he wasn’t at fault, Ranvijay was not at fault, I wasn't at fault. I didn't want anything in my childhood. Even though we were princes, people treated us worse than prisoners. We bowed our heads before those whom I wanted to slaughter. I’m not sad that my life was cut short like this. But my mother should’ve been spared. Mahadev knows should’ve left her for us. I would not have even sighed.) he poured out his pain, with tears in his eyes.

My heart ached, and a sob left my mouth.“Aap roiye to mat,”(Please, don't cry.) I said, washing away his tears.

He suddenly looked me in the eye.“That’s why I didn’t want you to marry anyone. Because no one can understand what a woman sacrifices just because she’s a woman in this world, she will be used and then will be expected to bear everything with a stiff lip,” he said, and my chest felt heavy with his revelations.“She would be used to making babies and left with them to nurture alone. I couldn't trust anyone or let anyone come close to you. I don’t know if I love you, but I don't want you to shed even a tear, Nandani. I know I make you cry, but you fight with me, you claim your rights over me. You know your worth. Not everyone, precisely women, is like you. Not everybody can take a stand for themselves. And in this mean world, no one stood by my mother’s side,” Tears streamed down my face by the end.

“I know you can’t see me with anyone. You make me cry sometimes, I agree, but you also know how to heal me,” I said in a trembling voice, gently kissing his forehead.

He sucked in a sharp breath and asked,“Why do you love me so much, Nandani? I’m not even worthy of it. I’m your family's enemy. You know that I’m planning to kill your parents. I don't know what the future holds for me. My whole life is full of disappointments. I can’t even get over my stained past. So why do you like me?” he asked, choking on his emotions.

“Prajapati Daksh ko shivji sweekaarya nahi the. Kintu tab bhi mata sati ne keval shivji se hi prem kiya tha. Prem to aarambh mein shivji ko bhi nahi tha mata sati se, parantu jab unhone agni-kund mein atmadaah kiya to shivji poore sansar ko nasht karne par utaaru ho gaye the,”(Although King Daksha did not accept Lord Shiva, Mata Sati's love for him remained unwavering. Lord Shiva did not reciprocate her love initially, but when she sacrificed her life, he became determined to destroy the universe.) I explained.

Confused, He creased his brows,“What are you trying to say?” He asked.

Smiling weakly, I replied,“You may not be the hero for everyone, Rudra. You may not be the best, most loving, or perfect, and you may have countless flaws. But to me, you are the villain who could burn this world for me, and I’ve seen that,”

He blinked tiredly and asked,“Am I the villain of your life?”

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