Page 115 of Rudra Nandani: The Saga of Control And Seduction

I nodded.“Yes, you’re the villain of my life who doesn't let asingle day pass without splitting my heart in two, and you are the saviour of my life who ensures I sleep every night feeling deeply and immensely loved,” I said, caressing his cheek.

It was true. Everything he did should have made me hate him. And people expected me to hate him, to punish him for his actions. I did punish him, but I couldn’t bring myself to hate him because he was both the man of my dreams and my nightmare, all at once. He was the reason for my tears, yet I still couldn't hate him.

Hate comes from expectations over reality. Somehow, we all remain familiar with reality, yet we expect. And these expectations stem from inspiration drawn from our surroundings, our imaginations, and our desires. We find such inspirations because we tend to escape reality.

However, reality is the ultimate truth; it may be painful, but that is its beauty and a sign that we are truly alive.

His truth was his past. His reality was his upbringing. His surroundings were false. His life was not perfect, and he was not the best at everything. This was the reality of my love, and I never expected more than that. That's why it never made me hate him.

I never expected anything more than reality. But if I had, I would have started noticing problems in him, in us, and eventually in our relationship. That might have one day separated us.

I didn't hold his hand to abandon him. It would be a thousand times easier to leave a suffering soul, but it would take the courage of a thousand gods to enlighten one.

His situation was very similar to that of a frog that had never seen the world outside the well in which it lived. He didn’t know what lay beyond those dark walls. To him, the well was the world. It was his truth, his everything. If anyone told him that there was a world far bigger than the well, he would laugh, never believing you.

Suddenly, he straightened himself. His face softened, and he gently touched my cheek.

“Aaj lag raha hai ki yadi ye rajpath na bhi hota, yadi grahan karne hetu bhojan na bhi hota, or keval aap hoti to ye jeeevan itna laachaar na lagta,”(Today, it feels like, even if I didn't have this throne, even if I didn't have food for two meals, as long as I had you, life wouldn’t have felt so helpless.) he said. A thousand butterflies fluttered in my stomach, and I blinked nervously.

Slowly reaching out for his wrist, I held it gently and said,“Youare not yet helpless or devastated, Rudra. It's just that you're believing partial truths. The only thing you need to do now is make a decision. I won’t give you a thousand reasons why your father was wrong, and my parents were right. You’re free to do whatever you want. If you choose to avenge your family’s misery, you can do so. But remember, I am my parents’daughter first. My family comes first, then my love. Like you will choose your family over us, I too will choose mine over you.”

No matter how much I loved him, I couldn’t see him harming my family. It wasn't the time to portray my love or speak the truth that I knew he would never believe. It was time to determine if our feelings were mutual, if the fire burned just as intensely for us. It was time to know what he truly wanted. And whatever his decision might have been, I wouldn't have stopped loving him, but I couldn't stand on the wrong side either.

Tears blurred my vision as I said,“Kshan-bhan prem ka nahi hai humaara. Anant kaal ki preet hai. Ek atrupt trushna hai. Lambe samay tak dhara humaara sayyam hai. Aanewaale kal ki asha hai. Humaare swapnoan ka basera hai. Har shwaas mein aapka naam hai, har sapne mein aap hi ki cchavi hai. Humaare har kshan ki praarthana hai ye prem. Aur Ruhani ki bhaasha—urdu mein kahe to, aapke hone se humaara wajood mukammal hai, aur aapki har ek tootti saans mein humaari hazaaroan mautein hain. Aap humaare seene pe khanjar bhi rakh denge to hum aapki koi majboori samajhkar use bhi apna lenge.

Humaare parivaar ki garima, humaara sammaan, humaare bhai ki peeda—sab haste-haste seh li humne, keval aapke liye. Kyuki hum is satya se parcihit hain ki Nandani ka Rudra ke bina koi astitva hi nahi. Hum to bane hi aapke liye hain. Humein to ye chinta tak nahi ki log humaari maasa, baapusa, bhaisa—humaare parivaar ke liye kya- kya bol rahein hain. Aapke atirik kuch dikhta jo nahi hai? Rudra ye, Rudra vo, bas Rudra... prayatna bhi kar lenge na to bhi aapko apne hruday se nahi nikaal paayenge.

Nandani mrutyu ke ghaat tak utar jaayegi, kintu aapka ya aapke parivaar ka naam apne mukh se nahi nikaalegi yadi aapne humaare parivaar ko chhot pahunchaayi to. Bahut vishaal mann hai humaare maasa-baapusa ka, tabhi to apne ek kaleje ke tukde ko apne shatru ke putra ki hateli par rakh diya. Humaare liye wo haste-haste apne praan nyocchaawar kar denge. Kintu Nandani ka mrut deh bhi aapke haath nahi aayega yadi aapne uske parviaarmein kisi ek ko bhi chotil kiya to. Prem to aapse karte rahenge hum, parantu ek shav ki tarah, Rudra,”(My love for you is not momentary—it is eternal. It is the longing of a lifetime, the patience of years, a hope for tomorrow, and a home to my dreams. Your name runs through every breath of mine, and your presence is felt in my every dream. Our love is a manifestation of every second of my life. And if I speak of it in Ruhani’s language—Urdu, with you now, my existence has a meaning, my life is complete, and with every skipped breath of you, I die a thousand times. If you were to pierce my chest with, I would accept it as your compulsion.

My family's dignity, my honour, my brother’s pain—I will endure it all with a smile, only for you, because I know that Nandini’s existence is meaningless without Rudra. I’m made for you. I don't even worry about what people say about my parents, brother, and my family, because all I see is you. Rudra this, Rudra that, just Rudra…I’ll not be able to get you out of my heart, even if I tried.

Nandani will die, but will not let your or your family's name slip out of her mouth even if you hurt her family. My parents have big hearts, that’s why they handed over a piece of their heart in the palm of their enemy's son. They would sacrifice their lives with a smile for my happiness. But you will not get even the dead body of Nandani if you try to harm them. I will keep loving you, but you’ll only find a living corpse to love, Rudra.)

I let it all out—I had to, and as I kept speaking my heart out, his eyes filled with pain. As he gulped, I inhaled deeply, letting the tears fall freely from my eyes.

“You can avenge your father's death. Do whatever you wish. Just let me know when you plan to do so. I won’t stop you or try to make you see the wrong in your actions. I won’t speak the truth. I won’t say a word. I will just leave you to your victory and wish you the best for your future.”

?? ? ? ?

? Rudra ?

Her words hung heavily in the air, trampling my heart. My chest tightened as I watched her cheeks flush while tears streamed down her face. Her eyelids swelled from all the crying.

I stared at her, trying to comprehend the emotions on her face. I wanted to speak, to make her see what I was feeling, but my words would not come out.

“Nandani…” I finally managed to say.

She blinked slowly, locking her gaze with mine. I could see a vast ocean in her eyes, deep and filled with immense love and respect for me. Yet her unwavering tone, a fierceness, a wildfire—burned on the horizon of that love, signalling that her decision was final. There was no room for negotiation.

In that silence, I felt as if the sky, the ground, the world, and everything around me faded away, as if there was nothing but her and me, with no past, no future, no expectations, no consequences—only the now, only us, staring into each other’s souls.

A life without her seemed impossible. If my past was the motive of my life, she was my home. If my revenge was the mountain I had to climb, she was the base to which I would return once it was over. If my goals were the purpose of my life, then she was death—certain and inevitable. If my ambition was to kill her parents, then she was the water I would drink after the pursuit.

She was the solace I sought after achieving anything in my life. And if I had never found that solace—the water to quench my thirst, the base of the mountain to rest, the silence, the relief to calm my mind, the home to return to—what would be the point of living? What would be the point of conquering that mountain? What would be the purpose of aiming that arrow, or of life itselfwithout death? What would be the point of that motive, and what would be the point of becoming Rana Rudra Dev Singh if there was no Queen Nandani by his side?

She was everything. And without her, nothing mattered.

Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I felt my heartbeat slow. My voice trembled and became hoarse as I whispered,“Nandani, aap to humse humaare jeevan ke badle humaare jeene ki aas hi maang rahi hai, humse humaare jeene ka uddeshya maang rahin hai. Aap to humse humaare mata-pita ko hi cchodne ko keh rahin hai,”(Nandani, you are asking me for the hope of living in exchange for my life, the purpose of my life. You are asking me to leave my parents behind.)

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