Page 117 of Rudra Nandani: The Saga of Control And Seduction

I could feel the wetness, the warmth, the softness, the sweetness, the trembling of her lips under mine. I felt a strong shiver from her, a soft moan and a slight pull when I couldn't stop myself from sucking her lips intensely, slowly driving it into a deeper place.

My lips moved against hers with passionate urgency, tasting and devouring her lips. My lashes shut on their own, the warmth of her lips making me forget everything. I felt lost in her.

My breathing hitched as she pulled her lips an inch away. Our noses touched each other, breathing fanning over each other's faces. Yet the mere separation killed me. It felt as if someone pulled my heart out of my body, as if blood stopped flowing through my veins.

It was so different yet so familiar. It was so killing yet so breathtaking. Punishing yet rewarding.

My hand was wound around her nape, keeping her in place, not letting her go away, not even an inch, not even for a moment, and I leaned closer to her. She inched backwards, trying to look into my eyes.

Her brows knitted together, and she looked straight into my eyes. Her tender gaze was confused, yet committed.

My eyes often drifted back and forth between her eyes and her lips, wanting to touch them, taste them, claim them, but she kept trying to move away. And I didn't even realise when her head sank into the pillow, and I found myself hovering over her.

Her pale skin glowed softly in the moonlight, while her silkyhair shimmered brightly. Her collarbones, jawline, and slender neck—everything about her was perfect and exquisite.

“Rudra,” she called slowly, her voice feeling like a gentle breeze, a feathery touch.

“Hnnn-hnnn,” I hummed, distracted by her. She gulped, looking into my eyes with the same intensity. She brought her hand close to my cheek, touching my cheek softly with her fingers.

A cold breeze suddenly hit, and she shivered lightly.

“Thand badh rahi hai,”(It's getting colder.) She said, and I straightened myself, pulling the comforter up. Covering both of us, I lay beside her, pushing my hand under her head, and she immediately scooted closer to me.

Placing her head over my chest, she wrapped her arm around my torso. I gently touched her hair, which was spread aside, and saw her closing her eyes. Leaning in a little, I kissed her hair.

I didn't know what I had to do. On the one hand, she and her love were demanding an answer from me, and on the other, there were the memories of my mother and a list of people who deserved what my mother went through.

Justice was needed, but the price was love.

“Suniye,”(Listen,) she said slowly, angling her face to look at me.

“Kahiye,”(Tell me,) I asked.

She pursed her lips nervously for a moment, and then spoke,“Vivah ke baad humaari pehli holi hai. Maasa ne sandesh bheja hai aur humein aamantrit kiya hai aapke saath. Kanya ki pehli holi uske peehar mein manaayi jaati hai na. To aap to aaenge nahi kyuki yaahaan ateethi aaye hue hain. To hum vichaar kar rahe the, ki hum hokar aa jaayein akele. Pehle hi bata rahe hai kyuki aap krodhit ho jaate hai jab hum kahin akele jaane ka sochte hai to,”(It's my first Holi after our wedding. My mother sent a letter, inviting us both to celebrate. Because the first Holi of a newly wedded girl is celebrated in her maternal home. So, I was thinking of going alone, since you will not come due to the guests in the empire. I’m telling you in advance because you get angry if I even think of going alone.) She finished and looked at me.

Her information twisted my gut firmly. I didn't want her to go, leaving me alone even for a single day, nor did I want to go there. I, at least, needed time.

Was she trying to leave me already? What if she were goingthere and never coming back?

“When will you come back?” I asked instantly. She shook her head lightly and replied in an admiring voice.

“Jab bhi aap hume lene aayenege,”(Whenever you'll cometo take me back.)

?? ? ? ?

Nandani

Istudied his face, waiting for his answer. But as he continued to stare at mine, a heavy silence settled in, revealing his inner anguish.

“Hum to uphaas kar rahein hain. Humein gyaat hai ki aapki yahaan adhik awashyakta hai,”(I’m just kidding. I know your presence is needed here more.) I said, not wanting him to be distressed about it, and I closed my eyes, pressing my cheek against his chest again.

No more words were exchanged. It was just us—him and me. Alone, without anything else. Without the past or the future. Without certainty, without change. Without fear, without pain. Without happiness. Without anything. Just us. And peace.

As my ear rested against his chest, I could hear the steady rhythm of his heart beating. His chest rose and fell slowly with every breath. It felt like a song, a quiet melody that filled me with peace, love, and calm. How easy it was to survive—just inhale and exhale—but how tragic it was to live.

I didn’t know if I had really lived in that moment for the past few months—or perhaps years—that led up to it, or if any of it counted as living.

But maybe in the future, when I look back and see what we went through together, with each other, against each other, having each other, or maybe not having each other, it would be worth calling a life.

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