Page 142 of Rudra Nandani: The Saga of Control And Seduction

In a broken voice, I asked,“Wh… what d-did… it… what did it mean?”

I threw the letter at his chest and broke down completely.

He began to cry, too. And through my sobs, I stepped closer to him.

“Aisa...aisa ky...kya ho gaya... Achanak... Rudra... aisa kya ho gaya... Jo aapne itna bada nirnay...le liya... Kya ho gaya aisa?”(Wha... What the he... What... Happened, that you... You went to... Went to take such... drastic step, Rudra? What the hell happened?) I asked in a shaky voice, in between hiccupped sobs, as I gripped the collar of his kurta, trying to make him look at me.

He burst into tears, keeping his head down, refusing to meet my eyes.

I wound my arms tightly around his shoulders, clinging to him as I wept.“Aapko kuch ho jaata... to hum jee nahi paate... nahi jee paate hum…”(If anything had happened to you... I couldn’t have survived... I couldn’t have lived...) My knees gave way, and I crumpled to the floor, tears pouring down my face.

“Aap kyun nahi samajhte... mar jaayenge hum… nahi hai hum saksham swayam ko sambhaalne mein... humne apna bhavishya aapke bina dekha hi nahi, Rudra... aap kyun... nahi... samajhte...”(Why don’t you understand? I will die without you. I’m not capable of holding myself together. I have never seen a future without you, Rudra. Why… don’t… you… understand?) My voice faded into near silence as I sobbed uncontrollably.

He dropped to his knees before me and pulled me into a tight, trembling embrace.

“I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry. I really am… I’m sorry,” he cried, pressing his hand gently to the back of my head. I clung to his shoulder, shut my eyes, and held him like he might disappear again.

“Why did you leave?” I whispered through my cries.“Why?”

He hugged me tighter.“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… please…”

I lifted my head, cupping his neck and face with both hands, gently turning his face towards mine. His eyes remained closed, brows furrowed, face wet with tears.

“What happened?” I asked, wiping his tears slowly.“Tell me… what happened, Rudra?”

His voice cracked as he finally spoke incoherently.“I was wrong… I am wrong. My whole life… everything… has been wrong.I don’t know who I am anymore, Nandani. I don’t know myself… I don’t know what I’ve become… Please… help me,” he choked out.

“I don’t know who I am anymore. It feels like… like something inside me has died. I don’t want to live… I don’t know my purpose. I can’t forgive myself. I hate who I’ve become. I didn’t want to be this… Nandani, please… I only came back for you,” he broke into sobs again, his voice fading into gasps.

“I love you so much… I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry for every time I hurt you. I’m sorry for every tear you shed because of me. I’m begging you… This isn’t me. I don’t know who I am. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve any of this…” His words broke apart.

I couldn’t hold back and pulled him into a tight embrace, my tears flowing freely now.

He clung to me, burying his face in the curve of my neck, his body trembling violently with the force of his cries.

“You are Rudra Dev Singh,” I whispered, holding him close.“A man I love, insanely, completely. I don’t just love you because I have feelings for you… I respect you. I honour you. You are a self-made man. A true warrior. A king not by birth but by will. You've earned everything you've achieved through your blood and fire. You're honest, you're raw, you're real. What you feel in your heart, you speak without fear. That’s rare, Rudra,” My voice trembled, but I held his face in my hands, making him look at me.

“You love me. You respect me. You chose me. You didn't turn away even knowing I spent a night with the king. No man is greater than you. No one and I would shout that to the world with pride. You are Rana Rudra Dev Singh—the King. A man your people want to see on the throne. A man they’re waiting for.” He looked like he was about to break all over again.

“Just because a few people kept the truth from you… Why are you punishing yourself for that?” I asked gently.“You were just a child. Homeless, parentless. You believed what they told you because your heart is pure. Because you saw the good in everyone. That isn’t something to be ashamed of, Rudra. That’s something to be proud of.” He began to cry again, harder than before.“I love you so much,” I whispered.

He sank lower, folding into me as I remained kneeling. He pressed his head to my chest and knelt on the floor.“I’m… so… sorry, Nandani… for hurting you… please…”

Fresh tears slipped from my eyes as I held him, brushing my fingers through his hair.

“Shhh… shhh… It’s alright, Rudra,” I whispered. He held me tighter, his wide palms trembling as they gripped me, desperate.

“I am sorry… I hurt you. I hurt everyone…” His voice trembled, almost cracking at the weight of what he was about to say.“I thou... I thought he was my father. I thought he loved my mother... I thought he accepted a slave woman for his wife…” He paused, a sob catching in his throat, and the heartbreak in his eyes made my chest tighten.

“But I never thought he just used her, that he wanted your mother… just for fun,” he whispered bitterly.“I never knew his true intentions. How could he? I believed he died fighting for the right. I thought… he was honourable. That he didn’t deserve to be killed because he was trying to do the right thing.” His fists clenched at his sides.“But no... no. That man was selfish. A bastard. Hungry for women—as if they were just furniture to him.”

I felt his disgust and betrayal radiating. It wasn’t just grief anymore; it was rage, sorrow, and shame all tangled together.

“I’m sorry, Nandani. I’m so sorry. For hurting you, for playing with your emotions, for leaving you behind… for forcing you to take such painful steps. I’m sorry for hurting your family. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know anything. How will I face everyone?” He broke down again, and my heart ached watching him unravel.

The rawness in his deep, bloodshot eyes was unbearable. The pain was so real and sincere that my tears welled up again.

I had feared this moment. I knew that once the truth surfaced, it would crush him. And it had. But still, he had to carry it. That’s life. That’s the rule. No matter how brutal the truth is, we live with it.

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