Page 147 of Rudra Nandani: The Saga of Control And Seduction

Seeing her jittery like that, I stood up and walked behind her. Gently, I took the strings from her hands.“Lagta hai aapki neend udd gayi,”(Seems like you’re not sleepy anymore.) I said as I tied the blouse for her.

She lowered her gaze, her voice uncertain.“You have… worked very, very hard for this. You can’t… You shouldn’t break it midway. Talk to your Guruji first.”

I exhaled deeply and sat back on the bed after tying the strings. She turned towards me, and I met her gaze and spoke,“The controlling period wasn’t just about becoming king. It did help build the discipline a king should have, but that wasn’t the main reason. The main reason was to change the future—a future predicted by a fortune-teller. He said a great war would happen. Awar that would change lives. And he said that… I would lose it. So my Guruji began searching for a way out. And the best solution was celibacy. A sacrifice to build absolute discipline to erase all desires, to control every emotion that could lead to destruction. He especially warned against women, love, sex, and any form of Kama.” I paused, heaving out a sigh.

Then added,“But now that I know there won’t be any war as your father and I are heading towards a peace treaty, this isn’t necessary anymore. And even if it is, I no longer want to continue. I want to leave behind everything that started with my father, everything connected to him. I want to rule as a king on my terms, with my learnings, not with borrowed sacrifices.” Once I was done speaking, she stepped closer and knelt before me.

Holding my hand, she looked straight into my eyes. She shook her head gently and said,“I know you’re capable of anything, and I believe you can do it. But still… this is something your Guruji should decide. Don’t let your sacrifice go in vain just because you’re heartbroken and upset right now.”

I shook my head.“I’ve made up my mind, Nandani,” I declared.

She lowered her gaze and slowly stood up.“Then… It’s a no,” she whispered, turning to walk away.

My hand shot out, holding her wrist, and I pulled her closer.“What do you mean it’s a no?” I asked, my voice low.

She looked into my eyes and took a deep breath.“Finish what you started. If you break your controlling period now, when your mind isn’t clear, people will misunderstand. They won’t know the real reason. To them, it’ll look like you couldn’t even hold yourself back for a month after marriage. And I don’t want that image of you out there. Not even if the‘people’is just one person,”

She blinked, still holding my gaze.

But a sudden knock at the door made her turn.“Yes?” she asked.

I loosened my hold on her wrist as we both listened.“Princess, the king and queen are asking for you and Ranaji for breakfast,” came the voice from the other side.

“Let them know we’re coming,” she replied, and turned back to me and said,“We’ll talk about this later, Rudra,” And moving closer, she carefully stroked my cheek.“I know you’re hurting. No matter how calm you’re pretending to be, inside… you’re just looking for an escape. And this idea of consummating ourmarriage now, it’s one of those escapes. Don’t rush into this. I don’t have a problem with you ending your celibacy. That’s entirely your decision, because it is your sacrifice, your journey. But not like this. Not when you’re low, broken, and upset,”

She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my forehead.“No one wants to feel loved by you more than I do. No one is more excited for us to make love than I. But please… not until you feel it’s truly right. Not like this. Not as a punishment to yourself,”

She caressed my chin with her finger.“I love you so much,”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Her fingers gently stroked through my hair as she whispered,“We both should get ready.”

I nodded, feeling her slowly move away from me.

Honestly, she was right.

I was desperately looking for an escape, something that would make me forget everything that happened, something that would distract me from the storm of thoughts I had before jumping into the river. Thoughts so dark and terrifying that I couldn't even put them into words.

Sitting by the bank of the river the night before, I remembered my childhood. And what broke me was realising that not even once were my thoughts free from the weight of revenge.

It was so triggering and eye-opening that almost twenty-nine years of my life meant nothing except revenge.

And through all of it, I never stopped to think about what I was doing to myself. I thought I was focused. I thought I was disciplined. But the more tightly I held onto control, the more I started slipping away from reality.

I realised that my goals, thoughts, and decisions had been so rigid all these years that I had denied changing even the slightest bit.

But everything changed after I met Nandani. Especially after I left her. Everything collapsed.

It was like a sudden flood of thoughts and emotions broke through the dam I’d built over the years. All the blocks I’d stacked so carefully came undone.

And now… I didn’t feel guilty or ashamed of saying I fell for her. And I fell hard.

She is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Initially, I used to question why I felt so drawn to her. Why wasmy heart changing? But now, looking back… I know it was for the best. Maybe the energies of the universe were preparing me for this moment. No matter how hard lies try, they can never overpower the truth.

“Not ready yet?” The sudden sound of her voice snapped me back to the moment.

I found her standing by the mirror, gathering her long, open hair into a bun. She looked fresh from her bath, radiant and beautiful in the blend of orange and red.

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