Page 67 of Rudra Nandani: The Saga of Control And Seduction

“Me? You definitely didn't care about me. If you did, you wouldn't have left me after what you did to me,” I commented in an undaunted tone, and he took a sharp breath.

“Seems like I have to hear this until my last breath,” he said.

I was very much pleased with his reaction. Kneeling low in frontof him, I applied the paste to his abdomen. His eyes, all the while, were set on me.

“Rudra, can I ask you something?” I questioned, applying the paste to his chest. He hummed slowly,“Hnnn-hmmm,” tucking my hair behind my ear. I kept my eyes low on his chest and asked in a low tone,“You never loved me?”

I saw his chest heaving up and down as he breathed. The silence followed for moments until he answered in a subdued tone,“I don't know, Nandani. It's not that easy,”

I swallowed, pushing further,“What is not easy?”

“To love someone,” He responded, and I kept the bowl aside. My heart beat raised as I held his wrist and looked at the mark of my name on his forearm, slowly fading away.

Bringing his wrist closer, I caressed the mark with my lip, and he sucked in a deep breath.

“Why can it not be mutual, Rudra?” I asked, tears welling up in my eyes, and when I added weakly,“Kab tak tadpenge hum aapke liye… kab samaapt hoga ye. Aur kitni pareekshayein lenge aap humaari, Rudra? Aapse prem karke humse koi apraadh ho gaya hai kya?”(How long do I have to yearn for you... When will this end and how many tests are left yet, Rudra? Have I committed a crime by loving you?)

His gaze softened, and he cupped my neck from behind. His touch on my skin, grazing the side of my cheek, made me blink my eyes rapidly. I leaned in, giving in to the warmth of his hold.

“Akeli nahi tadap rahi hain aap,”(You're not the only one suffering).I got on my knees and looked into his eyes.

“Toh humaare madhya ye doori kyun? Kya ab aapke layak nahi rahe hum?”(So why this distance? Am I no longer worthy of you?) He leaned his face closer to mine, staring intensely into my eyes, and shook his head lightly.

“You were, you are, and you will always be worthy of me. You are my pride, my power, my strength, and so much more, I cannot explain,” I gulped a hard lump down my throat, and a lone tear slipped from my eyes.

“Phir ye pran kyun ki aap humaare kabhi nahi honge. Poore jag ki chinta hai aapko, humaari nahi?”(Then why this promise, that you'll never be mine? You worry about the whole world, but not me?)

He sat up straight, groaning softly and muttered in a low tone,“Jaisa aap soch rahi hain waisa nahi hai, Nandani,”(It is not what you think, Nandani)

My lips wobbled, and a sob left my mouth when I commented,“Or jis bhaavna ka hum anubhav kar rahe hain, keh dijiye waisa bhi nahi hai,”(And, what about the feelings I have, tell me, even they aren't true)

Inclining towards me, he placed his forehead against mine and mumbled under his breath,“Right now, I cannot give you what you want.”

Tears streamed down my closed eyes, and I whispered,“Okay,” I stood to take my steps away from him and said,“Maybe, for you men, this material, untouched body is the sign of purity,” But he yanked me closer by my wrist, making me sit on his lap.

Clinging to his arm around my waist, he wrapped my neck from behind with his other hand with an urge and possessiveness. My lashes forced closed in fear with the sudden change in his mood.

“It might be a sign of purity for others, not me. For me, you were, you are, and you will always be mine until I’m in your heart. But…” He dragged. His breath fanned over my lips, battling with mine, and he crept closer, tightening his grip around my neck, making me part my lips.“Rusht hone ka adhikaar toh hai na humein, jaise aapko tha,”(Do I not have the right to be angry, like you did?)

I held his hand on my waist, and my gaze moved back and forth between his eyes and his lips, which were precariously close to mine.

“Kaise manayein hum aapko?”(How do I convince you?) There was an underlying fear in my tone. My cold fingers trembled in nervousness as he caressed my lower lip with his thumb pad.

“Samay toh dijiye humein, Nandani. Ye sab humaare liye sookhe rann mein baadh aane jaisa hai. Isme humein sambhalne to dijiye. Aap hi ke to hain hum. Ek baar bhool karke aabhaas ho gaya hai humein ki aap humaare liye kitni vishesh hain. Aaveg mein aakar ab hum aapko aur kasht nahi dena chaahte,”(At least, give me some time, Nandani. It's like I'm flooded with things I never thought I would get. Let me get used to this. I'm yours after all. One terrible mistake made me realise how important you are to me. I don't want to cause you pain by rushing things now.)

It seemed as if he was casting a spell on me, using words in his breathy voice, which worked wonders. He blinked his eyes weakly,as if heavy emotions pressed upon his lashes. I couldn't say anything anymore. Every time I got close to him, it felt like I didn't have the sanity left to speak or make sense. I would be at a loss for words, and somehow he knew it.

“You have not kissed me yet,” He reminded me, and I tried to cover the tremors in my tone behind the braced confidence.

“I will not, until you let me do everything I want to do.” His hold tightened on my neck, and he brought my face closer to his, crashing me against his hard chest.

“Be a good little wife and kiss me, Nandani.” My breath became erratic at his demand.

Every time he called me 'little wife', I'd feel something coil in the pit of my stomach, sending jolts of current through my spine.

“On one condition,” I said, and he crushed my waist hard, making my breath hitch.

“Ah… Rudra,” a throaty moan slipped from my mouth as his fingers felt cold on my exposed skin.

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