Page 16 of Only Temporary

I shake my head and look around the boys’ still pretty empty room. We got the twin bed together and a mattress on it, but the bunkbeds have been hell.

“No. It’s already dark out. I need to get their beds together.”

He doesn’t argue with me. Just keeps on working, and I appreciate it because I don’t have it in me to argue. How the hell did I think this was a good idea? “Did I overstep earlier with your brother? Too harsh?” His deep voice sounds a little full of shame, and I just shake my head as I work on the next part.

“Cason can take it. Trust me.”

“He’s kind of a shithead.”

I grin, but it turns solemn pretty quickly. “I left. He was eleven, and I left. I have no doubt who took care of the kids the entire time I was gone. I promise it wasn’t my mother. Cason made sure they got to school and that they had some food in their bellies.”

Tatum looks grim but again doesn’t argue. His mother was no better, maybe even worse than mine. He knows what went on in that place after I left. “You did what you had to do.”

“I left them,” I say, trying to fight my hands trembling with the shame and anger at myself as I twist another screw into place. “I knew what that shit would do to me. I saw what it did to my mother, and I took it anyway. I drank nonstop. I fucked myself up, so I wouldn’t have to face reality. And then when I finally decided I needed to get clean, I left it all on his shoulders.”

My gaze absently goes to the doorway, toward the hall, where Cason is hanging out on the couch with our younger siblings. Probably hating me. “You got clean though. That’s what matters, and you came back.”

I look back at the bed, my head hanging low. “I don’t know how I’m going to do this, but I owe them everything.”

His lips flatten into a straight line, and I watch his chest puff up when he takes in air and then lets it go. “I’ll go easier on him.”

I smirk. “Not too easy. He’s a bit of a shithead.”

We both laugh and finish up the bunkbeds. “And what about the girl?”

“Raegan,” I supply.

He nods. “Yeah. Did she eat anything at all?”

I stiffen, remembering the shrill shrieking earlier. “Yeah. Don’t mention food to her at all. Like, at all.”

He watches me carefully, clearly not getting the big deal. “You know, you have to make sure she eats, right? The kid is skinny.”

My eyes go wide, and I shake my head at him. “Do not let her hear that shit, man. I’m telling you. She’s feral.”

He laughs at that and pats my shoulder, hard. “You poor fucker. I think she’s going to kick your ass even more than Cason.”

I shake my head grimly as I grab the sheets we bought and toss him a set before going to make the twin bed. “Yeah, teenage girls, man. I have no idea how to handle a teenage girl. Boys—fine—I was one. Raegan?” I sigh. “I don’t know.”

“You’ll figure it out.” He starts to make up the bottom bunk, and I wonder how he can be so sure about that because it doesn’t feel like he’s just humoring me. It’s like he really believes that.

After we finish with the boys’ room, we stand in the middle, and I look around. It’s not much, but it’s something. At least they’ll have safe, warm beds tonight. I pat Tatum on the shoulder. “Okay, let’s go burn your mattress and get Raegan’s new one set up and made.”

He chuckles. “I’d prefer my mattress stay unburned, since I found a place to stay not too far from here.”

We start toward his old room. “What about Mila?”

He shrugs. “Turns out, not even this D is good enough to have me in her house.” He’s trying to joke, gesturing toward his junk, but he’s not smiling.

“Fuck.” I stop walking and run my hand through my hair. “I’m so sorry. We can figure something...”

He stops me, a firm hand on my shoulder, and he looks into my eyes. “We already did. The place is just an above-the-garage apartment, and it’s cheap. I’ll be fine there for a while.”

“A while...” I say sadly, and he just smiles.

“This is only temporary, man. All of this.” He keeps his voice quiet as he looks down the hall to where the kids remain on the couch. “You’re going to help get them raised and stay sober. I’m going to be just fine in a garage apartment and help you out as much as I can. It’s all temporary.”

For some reason, that’s kind of comforting. I love my siblings. I’ll always be there for them, but this part... where they hate me. Where they don’t want to be here, and everything is so uncertain. Thinking of it as only temporary—that helps. That helps a lot.

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