Page 67 of Only Temporary

“Where is this coming from? You haven’t ruined anything. Cason is pissed-off, but he’s not going to say a word. I promise you. Nothing is ruined.”

“He’s angry. And you two were finally figuring things out—getting along. But I saw the look in his eyes, Kellan. He’s hurt. And he feels betrayed.” He motions between our bodies. “We did that.”

“Please don’t leave,” I find myself pleading. I don’t beg. Ever. But I’m close to falling onto my knees and begging right here and now, if it means he’ll stay and work things out.

“I can’t be the reason you lose them. I know you think you can have both, and I fooled myself into thinking that too, but you can’t. You can’t lie to them anymore—so this has to be over.”

My heart feels like it’s split in two, but I can see he’s not going to change his mind. For whatever reason, he believes what he said—that he ruins people. I have no idea why he thinks that. Phillip makes the world better just being in it. But I see the determination in his eyes to leave.

Maybe it was fate. This is my punishment for leaving the kids when I did. Lull me into this false safety, and then drop me. He kisses me on the cheek, and I see a tear silently falling down his face before he turns his back and leaves.

I was a fool, thinking I could ever have happiness. It was a glimpse into life I never thought I could have. A beautiful mirage. But it wasn’t real.

And I know deep down, I deserve nothing less than this pain.

THIRTY

I don’t want to move, let alone answer the phone. But it won’t stop ringing, so I pry myself off the couch—well, at least to sit up—and grab my phone off the coffee table. I don’t recognize the number, but I’m not in the habit of ignoring calls, just in case someone needs me.

“Hello?” I answer cautiously, hoping no one needs me to get off this couch. I went to work today, just like every day for the last four days since I broke up with Kellan—breaking his heart and mine in the process. But as soon as my shift ends, I’ve been here, wasting away on the couch.

I don’t have any motivation to do anything else. I just keep picturing that day in my head over and over. The way Cason looked at us—so hurt and betrayed—because we kept such a big secret from him. The way Kellan looked at me and pleaded with me not to leave him. My chest aches, and I absently rub over it, seeing his face over and over again.

“Social worker? You there?”

Tatum.I sit up a little straighter. “What’s wrong? Are the kids okay?”Is Kellan okay?

“The kids are fine.” I grimace because... Kellan. He didn’t mention Kellan yet.

“Kellan?”

There’s way too long of a pause, and I’m already up and grabbing my keys. “He’s okay.” I don’t believe him, and he huffs out a laugh. “Okay, so he’s physically fine. But I heard what happened, and he’s not doing well. He’s hurting.”

I swallow hard, clutching my keys to my chest, my eyes slowly falling closed as I let the pain wash over me. I keep telling myself we’ll both be okay. But we were in so deep. It wasn’t fake—the feelings we felt. But I needed to make myself believe he’d bounce right back. “It’s only been a few days...” I try, opening my eyes and breathing deep.

“Yeah, four days of hell. I’m worried. Worried enough to call you.”

“I don’t know what I can do, Tatum. I can’t...” My throat is too dry to go on. I think about the agony Kellan must be in for Tatum to notice enough to call me.

“You can. Look, he needs a meeting. And he needs someone to make sure he goes. So you can either come and stay with the kids or you can take him, but you’re going to help him.”

Because I broke him.

He doesn’t say the words, but I can hear his bitter anger. “I’ll take him,” I agree, though I know I’m not strong enough to see him in person right now. I said I can’t let him lose the kids. Breaking up with him cannot be in vain. He can’t relapse because of me.

He needs a meeting.

I hang up with Tatum and drive straight to Kellan’s house, waiting in the car when I see Kellan and Tatum waiting out on the porch. I see Tatum placing both hands on Kellan’s shoulders and saying something to him, his gaze intense, before Kellan nods his head and then slowly makes his way to my car.

He looks as beautiful as always—but he looks tired and worn out—broken down. “Hi,” I say softly when he climbs into my car and buckles his seatbelt.

“You didn’t have to come. I know how to get to a meeting.”

I don’t argue with him, starting my way toward the address Tatum sent me in a text after we hung up. “Tatum is worried about you.”

He just grunts, not really saying anything, and I don’t push. Mostly because I feel like I lost that right. But when I park my car in front of what appears to be a church, he doesn’t move.

I can’t stay quiet. “What happened?” His head jerks in my direction, his eyes cold. And I mentally flinch, hating what he’s thinking because I know he wants to tear into me. I happened. I hurt him. I left him. “I mean today. What happened to make Tatum so worried?” I clarify.

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