Page 74 of Only Temporary

I love having him here. I love everything about him.

But thinking about last night, and how there’s just one more thing that isn’t quite perfect enough, gets me moving. I pull on a pair of sweats, trying to ignore the sticky feeling, and then a t-shirt before going into the bathroom and taking a quick shower. I’m reluctant to wash away the evidence of this morning’s activities, but I’m confident there will be much more in the future.

I get dressed and then kiss Phillip—who’s fully back to sleep now, coupled with an adorable little snore—before I make my way to the boys’ room. The door is open, so I walk inside, seeing all three are still asleep. I walk over to Cason’s bed, lightly shaking him.

He startles, sitting straight up and breathing hard before he sees it’s just me, then his stare turns into a rageful glare. “What the fuck are you doing?” He does seem to care about Braylen and Kieran enough to whisper the question.

“Get dressed. We’re going somewhere.”

“What? No.” He covers his head with his blanket, lying back down, but he’s not getting out of this. Neither am I. It’s time we have this out, once and for all. I rip the comforter off him, ignoring his annoyed look.

“Not asking. Let’s go. I’d wear shorts, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes, if I were you.”

He grumbles the entire time he climbs out of bed, and I go to the kitchen to grab a coffee to go. I’m pouring some into a thermos when he comes out of his room in a hoodie, shorts, and sneakers, so at least he listened.

“Where are we going? It’s the asscrack of dawn.”

I just ignore his question and lead him out to my car, climbing in. I know he doesn’t want to, but he gets into the car and buckles up. I drive the few miles to the gym I looked into last week. It’s fairly priced and has decent equipment.

“What are we doing here?”

I ignore his question again, and I know I’m going to get the brunt of his anger any minute, but he climbs out of my car and slams the door, walking up to the front with me.

“Kellan. A gym? Why?”

I pull open the front door, and gesture for him to go inside. “Birthday present.”

“My birthday is next week,” he grumbles, walking inside, and I follow. I approach the front desk and let them know I bought a membership online—actually two. One for me and one for Cason.

The woman at the front desk prints cards out for us and asks if we want a tour, but I decline. “Come on.” I bring him to the lockers where he takes off his hoodie, and then we walk around the gym together until I find the punching bag near the back.

“Seriously?” He looks at me, clearly annoyed, but I’m already handing him boxing gloves.

“Yeah. You and me. We’re more alike than you probably want to admit, and I get that. But you can’t hit anyone at school. Or anyone at all. You still need something to get your aggression out. I run. Started that right after I left.”

“Like, on purpose?” I laugh at his question, but he pulls the gloves onto his hands, and I know he’s intrigued.

“Yup. But I also like exercising. We have one of these at the shop actually, but I thought it would be good for you to have a place to go on your own.”

“Could have gotten me a car,” he deadpans, but with the first punch to the heavy bag, I know this is better for him.

“Maybe someday, kid.”

“Not a kid.” He hits the bag hard with natural form. Not really surprised.

“You are. You deserve the chance to be a kid.” I hold onto the bag and take his pummeling, hoping it helps him a little bit and keeping it firmly in place for him. The kid hits hard, built like a man already, but that doesn’t mean he is. “It’s not fair that you had to take on so much at a young age.”

“No one else was going to do it.” The bag shakes when he slams his fist into it.

“I’m sorry I left, Cason.” I want him to look at me, but he doesn’t. Just hits the bag again and again, sweat covering his body as he finally takes out some of his rage. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” he says, dropping his hand, panting from exertion. “Just tell me why. But for real. You just couldn’t deal? BecauseIdidn’t want to either.”

I let go of the bag and step a little closer to him. “I fucked up. You guys were everything to me. I know it’s hard to believe, but you were. I wanted to protect you all, and I wanted to get you away from Mom, but I didn’t know how. And then, I did give up. I got hooked on the same shit she did, and I was so ashamed. Horrified that I let that happen.”

“How could you do that?” His shoulders are slumped, and I see just how much I hurt him. Hating myself for it.

“I was weak. I was tired. And I didn’t want to feel anything, but I didn’t leave because I didn’t want to be there for you all. I left because I did. I couldn’t get clean there. I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t expect for it to take so long, but I spent every day worrying and thinking about you guys. I swear it.”

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