Page 27 of Burn It Down

“Yeah, uh...” I grip the back of my neck, and I notice his eyes going to my bicep. I can’t be sure he’s checking me out. And though I do now know he’s attracted to men, it doesn’t mean he’s attracted to me. It makes me stop talking for far too long before he must notice and pulls his eyes away from me, awkwardly sipping at his beer. I grin but force myself to focus. “Elijah was asleep when they were uh...” Jesus, Kade. Be more ridiculous.

He laughs now, finishing off his beer and putting the glass on the bar. “Yeah, I’m sure he was. I know Elijah is well taken care of.”

“He is,” I say fiercely.

He puts his hand on my shoulder, and a zap like nothing I’ve ever felt before shoots through my entire body. His eyes widen, and I wonder if he felt it too or if he’s just reacting to my sudden jolt. “I know, Kade,” he says softly and then drops his hand. “I should probably get home.”

“What?” I ask, panic coursing through me. “Already?”

He looks surprised, quirking an eyebrow at me, and yeah... Be cool, Kade. “You wanna walk me home again?”

I’m off the stool in a hurry and nodding my head as we wave goodbye to Judy and then head outside. I’m far too eager to actually be alone with him. He starts toward his house, and I’m right by his side. “So how was this week? You didn’t seem stressed at any of the pickups. How the hell do you do that?” I have to ask because I love the hell out of my kid—but twenty of hims in the same room for seven hours? No, thank you.

He chuckles. “It was a fun week. Not as good as fire safety week but not bad. They’re doing skating in gym, so we did have a couple of injuries.”

I shake my head. “I can’t believe they let them skate on the slick gym floor.”

He cackles. “We survived.”

I smile at him as we walk along the sidewalk. It’s so strange being back here in the town I grew up in. We walk past the park, and I smile, seeing that it’s lit up but totally empty. “Race you to the swings,” I say suddenly and then take off down the hill toward the playground.

If Spencer was caught off guard, he recovers quickly and shocks me when he passes me effortlessly, making it to the swings a hair ahead of me. “I win!”

I laugh and plop down into a swing as he does the same. “How the fuck are you so fast?”

“I chase seven-year-olds daily.” He grins and then starts to swing, letting his long legs kick out in front of him and picking up momentum.

“True.”

We swing quietly for a while, but I can tell he has something on his mind. Normally, I’d avoid conversation like the plague, but I find myself wanting to know exactly what he’s thinking about. “What?” I ask him, catching myself in time to not askwhat are you thinking about right nowbecause do friends ask that? I don’t really know.

He slows the swing down, his eyes on me, and I can see the hesitance there. “What happened to Megan?”

It’s like a jolt right to the heart as a new panic starts to race up my spine. It’s not something I ever talk about.

It’s too painful.

He looks like he’s about to let me off the hook and brush it off, but for once, I don’t actually want that.

So I close my eyes for one moment and then look over at him... doing something I haven’t done for a long time...

I embrace the pain.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Why the hell did I ask him that?It was such a good evening. It was carefree and fun. We’re swinging, for Christ’s sake. And then I have to go and open my awkward mouth.

Hey Kade, you know how your wife died? Let’s talk about that!

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?

I’m about to tell him he doesn’t have to talk about such a heartbreaking thing and that I’d understand if he never wants to talk to me ever again when his eyes lock on mine. I notice the anguish in those eyes, and I shut my mouth for once. “A fire.”

“W-what?” I ask him, stunned. Megan died in a fire, and he’s a fireman?

He nods his head, his feet dragging against the sand below his feet as he swings gently. “When she got pregnant, I was terrified.” We were still in high school, so that makes sense. But I remain silent. “She wasn’t.” He looks in awe of her, shaking his head, and I can feel the love he had for her. “She wasn’t at all. I have no idea to this day how she wasn’t scared out of her mind.”

I smile and swing next to him but don’t interrupt. It’s his time to talk. Especially after I so callously assumed so much about him.

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