Page 28 of Burn It Down

“She suggested we get married. She wanted a real family for Elijah—not like what either of us had growing up.” He holds onto the handles of the swing and looks up at the sky. I can tell this is painful for him, and as much as I want to tell him he doesn’t have to talk, I want to hear it all. I want to let him get this burden off his chest. I’m not really sure why that is. It feels like we’ve gone a complete circle from only last week—I almost have whiplash from it—but I like where we wound up. “My family was bad—well, my parents were, but I had Tori and Bowen. Megan—she didn’t have anyone. Her dad was an abusive son of a bitch, and her mom may as well not have even existed, she was so beat down.”

I swallow hard at that—nothing pisses me off more than child abuse. Nothing. I grit my teeth. “I never knew,” I say dumbly.

He doesn’t look angry at me though, his head resting on one of the swing’s handles as he looks over at me. “She hid it well. I didn’t even know for a while until I saw a bruise on her side. She tried to lie about it, but I knew. I wanted to kill the fucker.”

I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat because I can understand that feeling for sure.

“She wouldn’t let me confront him. She was too afraid he’d kill me, so she snuck out a lot and slept at my place.” I actually smile at that, thinking about her having a safe place to go. Everyone should. “But when she got pregnant, she knew he’d lose it completely. So she stayed at my house and didn’t go back. We got married right after we graduated, and we ran to Kansas City.”

That part I knew about, so I just nod along.

“We both got shitty jobs at a warehouse, and we had enough money for a tiny studio apartment in this rundown buildingdowntown. We told each other it was just for a little while until we could save up enough for a better place and then a house. We had all these dreams.”

I notice his eyes are glistening, and I want to reach out to touch him—offer him some sort of comfort—but I catch myself. Just because he wants to be friends doesn’t mean he would be cool with me touching him. I have to remember that.

“But it was hard. She was really sick when she was pregnant—couldn’t keep anything down. Always weak and throwing up. She was so tired. I felt awful, and I didn’t want her to have to work. But even with how shitty our place was, we needed two incomes to keep it and buy everything for Elijah.”

“I can’t imagine how hard that must have been, Kade. You two were so young.”

I think back to what I was doing at the same time. I’d just moved into the dorms and was going to class. I had a scholarship that paid for school and board, so I didn’t have to work, thankfully. I felt overwhelmed just by that. Having a full-time job, a wife, and a kid on the way at eighteen? I can’t imagine that.

“We were,” he says, his voice cracking slightly. “She was fired when she was around eight-months pregnant. She cried for days. I took on a part-time job and told her not to worry about it. I tried everything to make her understand I wasn’t mad at her—and I wasn’t.” His eyes lock on mine, and I see the despair there. “I swear I wasn’t. I was just tired and a grumpy asshole.”

“I’m sure she understood,” I try.

He doesn’t look so sure. “Things were never the same. She had Elijah, but he was fussy a lot. I mean, he was a baby.” He tries to make it sound like he’s not complaining, I think, and I just smile at him.

“Babies cry.”

He gives me a sad nod. “They do. And Megan... She just... It was like she wasn’t there anymore.”

“What do you mean?” I ask carefully.

He starts to drag his feet a little more, swinging and looking away from me. “She was like a shell. She didn’t want to look at Elijah or hold him. I finally made her go to the doctor, drug her there myself.”

“Postpartum depression?” I guess softly.

He nods. “They gave her some pills to help. She was so mad at me for bringing her there, but I felt like...” He stops swinging, and I once again hate myself for bringing this up at all. He looks over at me, his voice so low, I barely hear him. “I felt like I broke her.”

“Oh, Kade,” I breathe.

He stands up and sniffs. I notice him wiping at his eyes, and I try to look away so he won’t be embarrassed—even though he has nothing to be embarrassed about. He clears his throat, and I hop off my swing, walking toward him. “It was like she hated me after that. We were strangers. I took on more and more extra shifts, telling myself it would get better.”

“But it didn’t . . .” I say sadly.

“No.” He sniffs and then looks right at me, his eyes full of regret. “When Elijah was two, I was at work—where I always was. It was like any other night. I kissed him and put him to bed, kissed Megan on the top of her head, and left for work. But then, four hours into my shift, I got a call from the KCPD.”

I close my eyes briefly, knowing what that call was. “Kade...”

“They told me they had Elijah in their custody, but my wife was dead.”

I try to cover the gasp that falls from my mouth but don’t manage it. “What happened?”

He said it was a fire, but wouldn’t that mean Elijah was in the same fire? I’ve never seen any indication that he was a victim of fire, but I suppose it doesn’t always leave a physical mark.“Our next-door neighbor was this crotchety old man, who really hated us at first and hated us more when we had a crying baby—but after a bit, he started to come around a little. He really loved Elijah, and his hard exterior started to crumble.” I smile when Kade does, remembering his neighbor. “He was a retired fireman. And when I got to our apartment, the smoke was so damn thick, and there were still several fire engines there as well as police cars. It was chaos, but Joe found me first. He told me what happened.”

I try my best not to react—to stay strong so Kade can get through his retelling of what had to have been the worst night of his life.

“He said he was asleep, but he heard the alarm going off. He ran right to our place first, said the door wasn’t locked.” I listen intently. “He found Elijah, crying alone in his crib but unharmed. He looked everywhere for Megan but didn’t see her. So he got Elijah out of the building.”

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