Page 3 of Burn It Down

It’s clear he was in bed, his hair all over the place—much like my son’s. But I instantly see the concern on his face and decide not to lay into him for scaring the shit out of me. “Is he okay?”

I bob my head in answer, then motion for him to follow me to the kitchen. When we do, Bowen flips on the light and moves to the stove. He grabs a tea kettle and fills it with water before lighting the burner and placing the kettle over it. I raise an eyebrow at him in question. “Since when do you have a tea kettle?”

He just shrugs and then grabs two mugs and two tea bags from the cabinet. “A girl I dated was really into it. Guess she left it here.”

I have a feeling he doesn’t really want tea but wants to keep busy. I sit down at the small kitchen table and watch him move around, grabbing honey and spoons. I swear I’ve never seen this side of my brother. It’s... odd.

“Bowen.”

He stops what he’s doing and turns to look at me.Is he okay?“That’s a lot of nightmares for such a young kid.”

I prop my elbows up on the table and lean forward, letting my fingers drag through my hair, the adrenaline wearing off, now that Elijah is safe. “I know.”

“What does his counselor say?”

“Same thing.” I drop my hands onto the flat surface of the table. “It takes time to heal from trauma, and I’m doing everything I can right now.” My eyes meet Bowen’s. “But it doesn’t feel like enough.”

His expression is grim as he pours hot water over the tea bags and brings both mugs over to the table, sitting down across from me. “Is there anything I can do?”

He places a mug in front of me, and I stare as the hot water starts to turn brown. This is really fucking weird, but I don’t say anything. “I don’t think so.”

“He’s starting school next week. Maybe that will help.” He hasn’t touched his tea either, I notice, and it brings a slight smile to my lips.

“Yeah. I hope so. He loved kindergarten.”

He grins. “He’s a really good kid.”

I can’t lie. I didn’t see Bowen taking to Elijah so quickly. It’s not like they were strangers or anything before this, since Bowen was one of the first people to visit when he was born. But they weren’t around each other that often. Though it’s become pretty clear in the past few months that Bowen has been making up for lost time. Playing catch with Elijah outside, and he even bought him a small inflatable pool this summer, along with squirt guns and other toys.

“He is. I can’t believe I already fucked him up.”

That gets a deep frown from my brother. “You didn’t.”

“Didn’t I?” I run a hand through my hair again, tugging on the short strands in frustration. “I promised myself, from the moment I found out about him, that he wouldn’t know the kind of trauma we did. That he would have a good life. And now he’s having nightmares every night.”

“It’s not the same.”

I look away from him—unable to look him in the eyes. “It is. He’s terrified that I’m going to die and leave him.”

“Not the same as our life, man.” I meet his eyes again and see how serious he looks right now. “Our dad didn’t even try, and our mom?” He lets out a dark chuckle. “Hell, we wanted her to leave most of the time.”

I shake my head at him but not in disagreement. “I can’t believe you still make time for her.”

He looks a little sheepish at that, and I kind of feel like an asshole. She doesn’t have anyone else, and I shouldn’t shame Bowen for being there for her now, but I can’t help being bitter. He’s not kidding—we did pray for her to leave so many times throughout our childhood. “She doesn’t have anyone else,” he mirrors my thoughts, and I nod grimly.

“I know.”

We’re kind of at a standstill on that. He’s asked me a couple of times since I got here to go and see her, and I’ve shut it down pretty fast. I don’t want Elijah around her toxic bullshit—but I know it hurts Bowen every time I say no.

“She’s trying,” he says fruitlessly because he knows it’s going to fall on deaf ears.

“Sure.”

He startles me when he reaches across the table and grabs my wrist—wrapping his hand around it and getting my attention. “You aren’t like her. Or him. You love that kid. I’ve seen it. And hewillbe okay. I’ll do anything I can to make sure he is.”

I stare at him—a little shell-shocked because Bowen has evidently changed a lot in the past few years, and I had no idea. I guess I’ve been a little preoccupied. “Thank you for everything.” I’m not sure I’ve thanked him enough for being there for us.

He pulls his hand back and shrugs. “It’s nothing.”

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