Page 37 of Burn It Down

And it’s not like I actually want to be a couple or anything. I mean... do I? I don’t know. I know I’m attracted to him, and I can’t stop thinking about him—that it’s not just purely physical. I like just being around him even if I can’t kiss him.

I didn’t let anyone else in after Megan died. I was too afraid of falling in love again—of being hurt. I didn’t even want to hook up, it just didn’t feel right when I had a kid at home who needed me.

Celibacy hasn’t been a problem. Up until now. I truly hadn’t given it much thought. My hand worked just fine. Getting laid or dating weren’t even on my radar.

But now that I know what it’s like to kiss Spencer—to hear his sweet whimpers and moans as I plunder his mouth—yeah...

This isn’t going to be easy to keep it 100 percent platonic.

Not at all.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I have to stop thinking about him.

I have to.

But how can I?

I’ve never been kissed like that. Ever. I’ve had fine kisses before. Even good. But that kiss with Kade—it was on a whole new level I didn’t even know existed outside of TV and movies.

And now I’m just supposed to stop thinking about it? My childhood crush could very well be interested in kissing me again—I won’t even let my mind explore other things he might be interested in—and I just have to suck it up and act like I only want to be friends with the man.

Life really is a motherfucker sometimes.

I’m busy putting together worms and dirt—otherwise known as pudding with crushed-up Oreos and gummy worms—to surprise the kids tomorrow during our science lesson when there’s a knock on my door.

Janelle is likely in her pajamas with a glass of wine, tucked into bed at this hour on a school night, which is exactly where I want to be, if I’m being honest. But I waited too long to start this project, and I need to finish it.

I wipe my hands on a kitchen towel and move to the door, pulling it open and nearly falling to my knees when I see Kade standing there. He’s dressed for work, with the pants and suspenders you typically see firemen wear when they’re geared up for a fire. He has a long-sleeved black tee under it and no jacket or helmet.

The thing that has my knees weak, though, is he looks wrecked. His hair is matted with sweat and possibly ash. His face is smeared with soot. He looks like he’s walked through fire, and given his job—that’s highly likely.

But I notice there’s something on his neck and his shirt—dark red.

“Kade?” He doesn’t move. “Are you hurt?”

He shakes his head. “Not me.”

“Who?” My voice shakes, and I can’t make my body move, even though my brain is screaming at me to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. “Elijah?” Fear streaks through my soul as I voice the unthinkable.

I don’t breathe until he shakes his head. “No. Not him. But...”

“But what?” I ask, the fear barely waning after hearing Elijah is okay.

“There was a kid.”

Oh no.He looks so shaken. I slowly take his hand and lead him inside, closing the door behind us. I walk him over to the couch and sit down next to him. “Talk to me.”

He shakes his head slowly, barely even a motion. “There was a car accident just outside of town on the highway.”

I heard sirens earlier, and my first thought was Kade.

“The woman driving—she was gone when we got there. Nothing we could do.” I nod my head, my hand making its way to his chest, resting over his thundering heart. “But there was a boy in the back seat. He was...” His words crack, and I know it’staking him a lot of effort to speak. “He was in bad shape. There was so much blood. I don’t know how that much blood can come from someone so sm?—”

He cuts himself off, like the thought is too painful. I absently rub at the spot over his heart, not fully aware I’m doing it at first. But when I realize what I’m doing, I don’t stop because his hand moves over mine and holds it there. “Is he okay?”

I’m afraid to ask. “I don’t know. We got him out, but the other car was on fire, and it was chaos. He was life-flighted to Olathe. I don’t know if he’s going to make it.”

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