Page 40 of Burn It Down

I laugh. “Well, it will be at the end of the day, so I’ll send them home to their lucky parents after that.”

He laughs too, and I feel that flutter deep inside—making me so happy, it’s scary. “Lucky us.”

We should talk about what tonight meant, but I can’t bring myself to do it. The complete one-eighty he made from thesecond he showed up here to this moment—where he looks almost carefree?

Yeah, I’m not risking messing that up for anything.

Not even protecting my own heart.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I’m in way too good of a mood—and of course, my brother picks up on it instantly as I walk into the living room after taking a shower. I want to go see Spencer, but I need to tread lightly here.

“You’re in a really good mood,” he says, eyeing me suspiciously and flipping through shows on Netflix.

“That a problem?” I keep the defensiveness out of my tone and flop down on the couch next to him.

“Nope. But with that shitty call you had just two days ago, I thought you’d be in a bad mood.”

I should be, that’s for damn sure. I have no doubt that if I hadn’t gone to Spencer, I would be, but he gave me something I haven’t had in years—maybe ever. Permission to just be me.

To not think. To not save anyone. To just be.

“The kid’s doing well,” I say.

He doesn’t look surprised that I called to check up on the child from the wreck. He had to have surgery, and it’s going to be a rough road for a while, but he’s expected to recover. “Good.” He smiles at that, no doubt just as relieved as I am. “That couldn’t have been easy,” he says somberly now, looking over at me.

“It wasn’t. But I had a job to do, and I did it.” I’m not sure why I leave out Spencer’s part in it. I’m more convinced now than ever that he wouldn’t care, but it’s just not the time.

I don’t even know what this thing with Spencer is yet anyway. I haven’t been able to talk to him since that night, other than the quick pleasantries at pickup and drop-off, but my body is craving him like none other.

I’ve never felt this off-kilter or addicted to a feeling before. But I want to chase that feeling and never let it go. “I was thinking about going out tonight.” Bowen looks a little surprised but not annoyed. “I mean, I know it’s kind of shitty to ask you to watch my kid when you’ve already done so much for us.”

He snorts dismissively. “Please. The kid is asleep, and even if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t mind watching him, so you can go out and get laid.”

I hate that I don’t hide my shock well. “What?” I sputter. “I’m not doing that. I’m just going out.”

He snorts again and shakes his head. “Suuure, little brother.” He motions to my shirt. “You’re wearing a button-down shirt, and those jeans look new.”

They are, but I don’t tell him that. “I can wear more than turnouts, you know.”

He laughs, unbothered. “Yeah, but usually you choose ratty jeans and a t-shirt.”

“Do not.”Why is it that no matter how old I get, my brother can always turn me into a twelve-year-old with a little teasing?

“Just go.” He laughs, and instead of fighting him on it, I jump up off the couch and grab my keys.

“Thanks for this. I won’t be gone long.”

He waves me off, still using the remote to flick through his options, looking for something to watch. “I don’t have a shift until Sunday. Go. Have fun, and if you decide to sleep over at your...”—his eyes meet mine with mischief—“hangout?” I rollmy eyes, and he just laughs, his attention going back to the television. “Then that’s fine with me. I know how to pour a bowl of cereal like a motherfucker.”

My brother really is ridiculous. I can’t lie and say that staying the night with Spencer isn’t appealing, but I can’t do that. No. I really... I shouldn’t. I don’t even know what this is with Spencer, and my first priority will always be my kid.

Still... I can have a couple of hours. “I’ll be back tonight.”

He just waves me off again, and I don’t stay any longer, instead going out to my car and driving to Spencer’s. I don’t even have his number, but I hope showing up at his place tonight will be okay.

He doesn’t look surprised to see me when he opens the door, but he does look happy. “Hey. I was hoping you’d show up tonight.”

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