Page 48 of Burn It Down

“Gay?” he asks, his voice deadly serious.

I nod my head. Needing to keep busy, I start to trace the lines of his highly defined abs, loving the trail of hair between them and moving up between his pecs. “I didn’t even know what gay meant yet. I was a kid, but my father especially loved to tell me to straighten up and stop acting like a sissy.”

I swear I hear a growl bubble up in his throat. Can’t deny that’s pretty sexy. His hand covers mine where I was dragging my fingers over his chest.

“It’s okay, really. I’m fine. When I got older and started to realize I was attracted to boys and not girls, I was terrified. I knew it wouldn’t go over well. They had already started to lecture me with the Bible. Trying to drive the thought of homosexuality being a sin into my brain, but I didn’t believe it.”

“I’m glad,” he says, his hand squeezing mine.

“Me too.” Thinking back, it’s terrifying the way they tried to convince me that being gay was wrong even before I knew I was gay. It was like they picked up on it, and they wanted me to be ashamed. Like they could stop it.

But it was part of me. And it’s not something I would ever change.

“Did you eventually come out to them?”

I nod absently. “When I moved away to college. On my way out.” I smile to myself. “Maybe it was cowardly, but I had a full-ride to school. I knew I’d be okay and they wouldn’t want to see me after that. I held my head up high, and I told them I was gay, and I didn’t wait around to hear what they thought about that.”

I smile when he nuzzles against me, his mouth going to my ear. “Brave.”

I snort a laugh. “I ran.”

He kisses my temple. “You were brave. You knew it could mean doing life on your own, but you still chose to live life your way. That’s brave, Spence.”

I lean up and capture his mouth with mine, gripping the back of his head with my hand and holding him in place. When I pull away, I don’t feel all that sad, even though that day, I was.

I drove to Lawrence and did all the normal move into the dorm things, surrounded by freshmen who had their parents moving them in and helping them. I don’t think I’d really truly had parents assist me with anything for a long time. Since they decided I was just a sinner and pretty much dead to them at a young age.

They did the bare minimum, and when I walked onto that college campus, I’d never felt so free.

Until this moment.

Here with Kade, in his arms, quite possibly falling head over heels in love with him. I don’t say it out loud, but it hits me hard in the chest.

“Why did you come back?” There’s no judgment in his tone, just curiosity. And I can’t blame him for that. I ask myself that a lot, to be honest.

“I loved college. It was like this whole new world. I met people just like me. People from small towns, who had to hide who they truly were. And I got to live out and proud for the first time ever.”

I can’t see his face, but I can feel him smiling.

“I loved it, but when I graduated, the jobs were pretty sparse around there. As fate would have it, Garnett was looking for a teacher. Several actually. I decided to apply but didn’t think I would get it. I applied to some other schools but didn’t hear back.”

“Garnett offered you the job, huh?” I hear the amusement in his tone and nod.

“As fate would have it, this town was the only one that wanted me.” He hugs me closer to him. “I was still going to turnit down at first. I was working at a coffee shop near campus and thought maybe I could just do that for a while.”

“I do like coffee,” he muses, and I laugh, looking up at his face and the smile on his lips. “But you said yes...” he prods.

“I did. I didn’t want this town to take anything else from me. I didn’t want my parents to take anything away from me. I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to have the opportunity to work with kids and educate them with science and facts. Not just fill their heads with what I think, but to let them explore and figure out the world themselves.”

I’m surprised when I feel his hand on my chin, lifting it, and then he’s kissing me hard. Stealing my breath away with the intensity. I forget what I was talking about but couldn’t care less as I climb up his body and straddle him, bracing my arms on either side of his head and kissing him hard. His hands are on my back, and my dick starts to perk up again, and I can feel his doing the same. I’m about to shamelessly grind against him until we’re both covered in cum, but he grabs my face in his hands and pulls me away from his mouth, looking deeply into my eyes. “You’re an incredible teacher. Those kids are lucky to have you.”

My eyes soften as I look at him. And my lust, while still there, lessens a little, turning into so much more. Yeah. I’m 100 percent in love with this man.

“Do you still see your parents?”

I nod sadly. “Sometimes. Like at the grocery store. They just pretend I don’t exist.”

I see the sadness in his eyes—sadness for me—and I lean forward, my face still in his hands, and press a kiss to his lips. “I’m okay. I realized a long time ago I didn’t need them. It would have been nice to have great parents, but I don’t. It doesn’t make me less of a human.”

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