Page 53 of Burn It Down

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

I haven’t talked to Spencer since I left his place last week. It’s Thanksgiving today, and it’s so not how I thought I’d be spending it.

I had hopes that I’d bring Elijah to his place, and we’d cook together while Elijah played or drew. Maybe cooked with us. We’d sit down and eat together. I’d have been tempted to kiss and touch Spencer, but I’d have still been careful.

I’d have introduced Spencer into our lives as a friend, not just Elijah’s teacher. But I realize now his fear of anyone knowing about us goes even deeper than I thought.

It’s something I’m trying to understand. Something I can’t even be mad at him about. But I wish he’d work with me on this. That we could work it out and eventually maybe even work up to being a full-blown couple out in the world, the way we deserve to be.

“Come to dinner with me. It’ll cheer you up,” Bowen says, and I immediately look over to where Elijah is playing with some toys on the living-room floor—not paying attention to us.

I don’t want him thinking I need to be cheered up though. I’m fine. Totally fine.

“No.” I kind of hate that word, though, since I blame it for messing everything up between Spencer and me. If he hadn’t just shut me down with ano, maybe we could have talked it out. “I don’t need cheering up.”

“What happened?” Bowen keeps his voice low. “Did you and your girl break up?”

I don’t know why I do it, but I grit my teeth and say, “Not a girl.”

It takes him a moment, but then he just shrugs it off in true Bowen form. “Okay, so did you and yourguybreak up?”

I snort at his nonchalance. “That doesn’t bother you?” I ask him, nerves present but not so much that I don’t ask.

“Why would it? I’m not an asshole.”

“Um! You said a bad word!” Of course, my son decides to start paying attention right then.

“Sorry. I meant butthole,” Bowen says to Elijah, who promptly giggles and then goes back to playing.

“I don’t think that’s much better,” I say with a grin.

“Eh.” He shrugs. “So what happened with you and this guy?”

“I don’t really know. We were fine one moment, and then everything just went to sh—” I look over at my son, who doesn’t seem to be paying attention, but I change my choice of words. “It just went bad.”

Bowen smirks at my almost slip-up. “So make it better.”

“Really? You’re going to give relationship advice?” I quirk my brow.

“Just because I don’t really want one of those relationship things doesn’t mean I can’t try to help you when you’re clearly suffering. Whatever you did, it can be fixed.”

“Why do you assume it was me who did something, you butthole?”

Elijah snickers, and Bowen laughs too. But then he sighs. “I have to get to Mom’s. You sure you don’t want to come? She really seems to be doing better, Kade.”

Elijah looks curious but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t ask much about his grandparents, but it’s only natural for him to wonder. I shake my head sternly at Bowen. “No.”

He looks disappointed but doesn’t fight me on it. Instead, he walks toward the door. “Okay, make the kid something to eat then.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I grumble, and he heads out.

Elijah looks over at me hopefully. “I’m hungry.”

I laugh. “We have a lot of hours to go before dinner. But how about you help me make some of the sides?”

“Okay!” He jumps up excitedly, and we go into the kitchen, where I follow the recipes as closely as I can. I bought a turkey breast the other day and follow the directions, putting it in the oven.

Then I close my eyes and hope I don’t fuck all this up.

---