Page 55 of Burn It Down

I laugh. My brother’s truck is obnoxious as fuck. Big and jacked-up with an actual sticker on the back window with a man peeing on a Ford logo. “Small towns, man.”

He laughs in agreement. “Regretting your life choices?”

“Not a bit,” I say honestly, and God, I want to pull him to me, but I resist. I can keep my hands to myself.

“Speaking of Bowen . . . Is he here?”

I shake my head. “Nah, he had to head into work after he went to my mom’s.”

He takes in that information and nods. “Can we take this part slow?” He keeps his voice really low. “I’m all-in on this, Kade. I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t, but I still don’t want to make Elijah have to lie for us. He’s only six, and that’s not fair for him to have to keep our secrets.”

“I understand.” And I do. I want to offer him comfort—to let him know I totally understand, but now’s not really the time for that.

A fact proven when a very impatient Elijah hollers at us from the kitchen. “Pie awaits,” Spencer says, and I laugh, almost grabbing his hand to walk into the kitchen with him but catching myself.

This may be a little more difficult than I anticipated, but it’s okay. I can do it. We make our way into the kitchen and grab slices for each of us before settling back in on the couch, with Elijah in-between Spencer and me. We finish watchingElf,and I can’t help but think how effortless this part seems.

Elijah adores Spencer, and they both actually sing along with all the songs together during the movie. The end credits roll, and Elijah’s head is lolling onto my shoulder already.

I take him to his room and tuck him in, kissing his forehead. “Dad?”

“Yeah, buddy?” He’s almost completely out of it, his little eyes already closed.

“Are you and Mr. Bell friends?”

I nod my head, even though his eyes are closed and he can’t see me. “Mm-hmm. Is that okay?”

He nods his head slowly, settling into his pillow. “Yeah. I like Mr. Bell. He’s funny.”

I laugh. “He is.”

“And really smart.”

“He is,” I agree.

“And he’s the nicest teacher in the school. Everyone wants him as their teacher, but they don’t all get to have him.”

I grin at that, stroking his soft hair with my hand and looking at my innocent son who is almost asleep. I want to ask if maybe he’d be okay if we were more than friends, but I don’t push it. It’s going to take time to ease Elijah and Spencer into that, but after today, I’m certain now more than ever that we can be a family someday.

“Goodnight, buddy,” I say, sweeping my hand over his hair one more time and then walking out of his room. Spencer is still on the couch, but he looks a little tense.

He’s perched on the edge and sitting up straight like maybe he’s about to leave. “I don’t have a bed,” I say, plopping down next to him. “But the couch is pretty comfortable.”

I wrap my arm around him and pull him close. He’s still tense though. “Kade... we can’t risk...”

“I know,” I say with a smile. “I can keep my hands to myself.”

He looks down at where my hand is currently wrapped around him and then back up to my eyes. I laugh and then release him, holding both hands up in front of me.

“Better?”

“Not really,” he says with a smirk. “But the safer option.”

“Just stay for a bit, Spencer. I missed you today.”

“I missed you too.”

He settles into the couch, relaxing a little finally, and I grab the remote, flicking through channels for something to watch with him. “What made you change your mind?”

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