Page 73 of Racing Hearts

“She seemed okay during practice.”

“That’s just Juniper. She’s good at covering up her emotions.” Until recently, she barely even showed them to Ellie.

Sierra nodded as if she understood, and Ellie really hoped that was the case. “So, how long do we have to wait?”

Ellie grabbed Sierra’s other hand, so she was now holding both. “Not too long. I promise. The last thing I want is for you to feel like my dirty little secret.”

“I want to believe you.” Sierra shook her head. “I do believe you.”

Ellie wasn’t convinced. Where the hell was Sierra’s doubt coming from, though? Two days ago, things had been perfect between them. “Are you sure?” Ellie asked tentatively.

“I want to be sure.”

What the hell was she talking about? Ellie felt like they were going in circles, and she had no idea why. “What does that even mean? Why does it suddenly feel like you don’t trust me?”

Sierra dropped Ellie’s hands and looked toward the ground. “I’m sorry. Last night when you canceled our plansand then didn’t say anything else, I got inside my own head. It felt like you were pulling away, and I realize how dumb and overbearing that sounds, but my brain isn’t logical sometimes. It made me realize that I’m not over what happened with Teresa. Maybe we jumped into this too fast. Maybe I’m not ready.”

Ellie couldn’t believe what she was hearing. This was the girl she had stayed up late talking to every night last week. It was the girl she made love to underneath the stars. And after one night she was having doubts? How? Why? None of it made sense. “I’m really sorry about yesterday. Juniper was really upset, so I was trying to be there for her. Then my phone died, and I realized I forgot my charger at the cottage. By the time it finally had enough charge to turn on, I had fallen asleep. I never meant to make you doubt me. I promise.” Ellie grimaced as she tried to hold in her tears. She didn’t need to make a scene out in public like this.

When Sierra looked at her, shedidhave tears in her eyes. “I know. You did nothing wrong. Like I said, it’s me. Not you.”

Why was she making all of this sound so final? Was she…? Ellie bent down and put her hands on her knees to try to level herself while the world spun around her. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“I just need some time.”

Ellie wanted to ask her what that meant. She wanted to fight for her—to show her everything she was giving up if she walked away. But, she also knew that wasn’t what Sierra needed. For much too long, Teresa had controlled Sierra’s life. It was time for Sierra to make her own decisions. If that decision was to not be with Ellie, Ellie needed to respect that. Even if it felt like someone was physically ripping her heart out of her chest.

She brought her hand to her chest as if that would somehow ease the pain. When it didn’t, she had to force herselfto do the last thing she ever wanted to do. She needed to walk away.

“Take all the time you need,” she told Sierra before forcing her feet to move and leave the woman she had fallen madly in love with.

Chapter 34

Sierra

“Take all the time you need.”Those words had haunted Sierra ever since Ellie said them to her a week ago. And it had been averylong week. Even with how awkward things had been with Teresa all year, she still couldn’t think of a time that passedthisslowly. To say she was miserable would be an understatement.

She missed the way Ellie smiled at her during practice. She missed her good morning texts and falling asleep in her arms. She missed how happy she was only a week prior. She couldn’t even be happy after both she and Ellie had a great first outdoor meet, because they didn’t get to celebrate it together. The worst part was it was all Sierra’s fault. Why couldn’t she fall for Ellie at a better time? Why did Sierra meet the perfect girl when she was still trying to move on from her past?

Right girl. Wrong time.At least, that’s what Sierra kept telling herself to keep from admitting the truth—she might have made the biggest mistake of her entire life.

She knew exactly who she needed to talk to right now. It was the one person she could always count on to be brutally honest with her, even when she didn’t want to hear it.

“Hello?” Sienna said, picking up the phone after only one ring as if she was waiting for the call.

“Hey! How’s it going?” Sierra asked, trying to keep her voice as level as possible.

“What’s wrong?”

“How do you know something is wrong?” Sierra shouldn’t be surprised since Sienna somehowalwaysknew.

“First of all, you’re calling out of nowhere on a Monday night. Also, I can hear it in your voice. So, spill. What’s going on?”

Sierra had to take a deep breath to prepare herself to speak the words out loud. Hearing them leave her mouth was going to hurt like hell. “Ellie and I are on a break. Or broken up. I really don’t know. But we’re not together right now. And we haven’t talked in a week. I didn’t know a heart could break twice, but mine is definitely broken again, and somehow this one hurts even more than the first.”

“Did Ellie end things? How could she do that? She was so fucking into you. And after all of the encouragement I gave and how—”

“It wasn’t Ellie,” Sierra said to stop her sister’s rant. “It was me. I panicked.”

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