Page 1 of Strong Coffee

ONE

Brady

Sometimes, you just neededa date with yourself. It could be to the movies, to a spa, or to a park. Something where it’s just you with yourself, by yourself.

Or so I had been told anyway.

Self-care had never really been my thing but the ladies who worked at my place of business often talked about what they did over the weekend to de-stress and how it made them feel so much better after. I was curious about it but never ventured out to do it myself, until I was ordered to by my friends. Although the four of us could all use a little self-care every now and again, I was the only one they instructed to try it.

I was constantly given a hard time because I worked too much but that was what happened when you ownedpart of a business. We all worked a lot. It was the only way we could get ourselves out of the hole we put ourselves in. We had to spend money to make money and when you owned your own business, it could take years for you to make that money back and more. Some didn’t even make it out of that hole. Thankfully, we all had our own degrees in different things when it came to owning and running a business.

Three of my best friends and I had set out to work together right out of high school. We all went to the same college, took degrees that could advance our careers, and worked several part-time jobs. We didn’t party like most did in school. We had a mission and were all driven with the need to create something that belonged to all of us. It took a while to figure out what sort of business we could own. We thought of having something to do with beer, but we weren’t heavy drinkers. So instead, we decided to open a café. It served coffee and baked goods by day and turned into a bar of sorts by night. We served specialty coffee, baked goods that had some form of liquor in them, and other things that were more adult-orientated by the time evening rolled around.

Being part owner of Coffee Beans and Love, a local coffee shop that catered to every walk of life, I had been working nonstop for years. While we were making more money than when we first opened our café, lately, little things kept happening that set us back. It would only be a few hundred dollars’ worth of shit every now and again, but it added up. I wasn’t even the one who looked at the numbers and I knew we were falling back into a hole once again.

The other night I was told that I didn’t need to worry about the café and to take care of myself for once. Did I look that tired? One couldn’t tell when they were sleep deprived and hopped up on the very coffee they served.

“You need to get out more, boss.” Jasmine didn’t bother to look at me while she gave me the same lecture she had been giving me since the very day I hired her. It wasn’t just me she told that to but to my friends as well. “All of you need to get out more. You work way too hard. You’ve taught us and trained us to run this place without you. You four need to loosen the strings a bit and let us do our jobs.”

“She’s not wrong.” Shane Hall, my best friend and another co-owner, clapped my shoulder, gave it a squeeze, and kissed me on the cheek. “You do need to go out.”

“Jasmine said we all need to get out and you need to stop kissing me at work.” I playfully shoved him away, rubbing my cheek and sticking my tongue out at him.

He chuckled, running a hand through his shaggy blond hair. “I love you too.”

“Yeah yeah. Go away and let me stew.” I loved him as well but not in the way he needed.

Shane had been bugging me for weeks to go out by myself. I thought it sounded lame but decided to listen for once and do as I was told. It still didn’t sit right with me. I never complied and was always the one who did the demanding. Not that it happened often but every now and again I laid awake at night, remembering my last partner and how they submitted so damn beautifully, it took me jerking off twice before I could calm down enough to get some sleep.

Maybe that was my problem.

I was always used to being in control. Maybe just once I needed someone to controlme. My ex-partners tried but it never worked and I ended up taking over. Not that they didn’t do a good job of it but I was impatient and wanted to take things into my own hands. One day I would find someone who could give me what I want but until then, my own hands would have to do. Finding a partner was difficult, with having barely any free timeanymore, so I stuck to my own devices and decided to keep to myself.

It was exhausting.

Just once I would like to know what it felt like to be truly dominated. To submit and give up that control. To trust someone so deeply that you knew you could let them take over your pleasure, both physically and mentally, and give you everything you had ever hoped for. To maybe even be degraded a little. Nothing too dark because that wasn’t my thing, but I wouldn’t mind being called a few filthy names and tossed around a little. Or shoved up against the nearest wall or bent over the nearest hard surface all because they couldn’t control themselves and needed me.

My blood stirred just thinking about it.

My ex, Alex, had been one of a kind when it came to what I was looking for in a partner, but life happened, and we grew apart. Or that was what he had told me. I later found out through mutual acquaintances that he found someone else who wasn’t so career-driven and one who could focus more on their relationship. I couldn’t say I blamed him for that. Last I had heard, he was holed up in some shitty apartment, with even shittier friends and had fallen off the deep end. It took everything in me not to reach out, but my best friends and father convinced me otherwise.

My cell took that moment to vibrate, pulling me from my thoughts.

When I saw who was calling me, a small smile pulled at my lips. But that tingle I used to feel whenever he called, was no longer there and I couldn’t figure out why. Instead, a longing for something more lingered inside of me. I was ready to settle down, but I couldn’t do it with Shane. Even though he was my best friend and had been so for years, there was something missing. Something thatneither of us could give each other no matter how much we tried.

“Hey, lover,” I greeted, wincing as soon as those words left my mouth. I shouldn’t joke around like that with Shane. I didn’t need him to get the wrong impression. We had messed around a few times, and it never amounted to anything more than just a fling, but Shane latched on quickly. I ended up breaking his heart when I told him that we weren’t good for each other. He would never admit it, but I couldn’t get the look on his face out of my mind. He looked completely defeated. But I knew I wasn’t enough for him when he didn’t even bother fighting for me. Instead, he agreed and thanked me for being honest with him.

A rough laugh sounded from the other end of the phone but that laugh held a hint of sadness in it. “You only wish,” Shane responded.

I shook my head. Maybe I was overthinking things. “What’s up?”

“Just checking in to see how your date with yourself is going. I know you weren’t really into it but even us guys need some self-care every now and again.”

“I would rather spend my self-care moments with a hot body but food and beer will do I guess.” I was currently nursing a lukewarm beer, but the warm friendly ambiance of the restaurant was nice. I couldn’t complain too much.

“Well, I’m sure most of us would like to spend time with a hot body but that can cause problems. Kind of defeats the purpose of this self-care task.”

“Why do I feel like you’re scolding me?” I frowned, running a finger along the rim of the beer stein.

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