Page 109 of Sweet Shots

“Wait!”

He huffs out an annoyed sound, turning back to me again and raising a brow.

“You’re just… gonna leave?”

“What do you want me to do? Stand here and hold your hand? Not my thing.”

I throw my hands up and let them fall at my sides.

“I’m just… confused,” I say.

“Yeah, and I’m annoyed.”

I blink at him again, holding his gaze. He looks upwards, muttering something to himself before he moves to me, putting his hand on my shoulder.

“Look, Mikah has a lot of issues, okay? I’m sure you’re aware of some of them. His childhood was shit. He’s paying for it. But he was doing so well when you were together. He misses you. And even if you don’t end up getting married one day, you both deserve to figure this shit out. He’s a mess. Don’t let him tell you otherwise.”

“Are you really just doing this to get him out of your house?” I ask.

He grins, shaking his head. “I’m doing this because Mikah is my best friend, I know he cares about you, and I want to see him happy. But he’s on my last nerve and I have contemplated murder.”

Patting me on the shoulder, he leaves for the last time and this time I let him go. I stand there long enough for the guy to deliver my food. I take it numbly, then walk into the house.

Did that really just happen?

It’s sometime in the middle of the night, long after Zach left. My food still sits on the kitchen counter, untouched. I’m sitting here on my brand-new couch, unable to move.

I hadn’t expected the realization that Mikah willingly left me to destroy me. To gut me. To shatter my fucking soul. But it did.

And now that there is something to do about it, I can’t move. Sure, I could have gone to him sooner. I should have. It wouldn’t have been difficult to find him. I knew of Zach. I knew where Mikah grew up. I had enough information to at least find where he was or hire someone to do so. But I didn’t. Because he made it abundantly clear that he wants nothing to do with me. And though I’m a fighter, always have been, something in me just… died. Learning he left on purpose was just… it destroyed me.

Mikah said I ruined him, but it’s the other way around. I am fucking wrecked.

And the worst part is I didn’t see it coming. I was so confident in myself, inus, that I didn’t think he would just leave. I knew there would be downs, and I knew I’d be able to pull him back,the way I did so easily. Yet, that isn’t what happened. There wasn’t a hint of something going wrong. We got drunk and he left. He just left me in the most terrible way.

Deep down, I know I should be angry about what he did. I mean, I was so fucking worried not knowing what happened to him. I thought he was lying dead somewhere, waiting for me to save him. I was hurting. In pain. He let me suffer. That’s so fucked. Yet, I can’t seem to care about that. I was so relieved when I found out he was okay, but then devastated all over again when it all hit me. Being numb isn’t something I understood before all this.

My mother said it a few times, but I couldn’t comprehend. Now? I understand it all too easily. Because that’s exactly how I feel. How I’ve felt for the month he’s been gone.

So, what do I do?

Do I listen to Zach and go get Mikah?

Or do I let him be, like he clearly wants?

I know what I want, but if he doesn’t want the same thing… what good is it? There’s no way I could handle this again, and going to get him is only setting myself up for it to happen again.

Mikah isn’t sure what he wants in life. He has issues; I know this. I accepted him with those issues, wanted to work through them with him. And I was doing a damn good job—I know I was. He even told me. Yet… what the fuck happened?

The truth is, I know what happened, but I keep lying to myself about it. Because when I think about it, I want to kill someone. Someone in particular. That’s the only thing I’ve feltlately—rage when I think about Trent and what the fuck he did. I lose myself thinking about all the things I should have done differently and better.

All of my content should have been gone. I should have prepared better for the awards because I didn’t realize I was up for a double award. I should have told Trent to fuck off—in front of everyone—when he kissed me on stage, but I brushed it off because Mikah didn’t seem to care. I should have known better. I should have fucking known that it hurt him. And when Trent kissed me at the club, I should have kicked him in the nuts hard enough they came flying out his mouth.

But I didn’t do that either because… because I’m just me and I like to have fun and be carefree, and it in no way was meant to be disrespectful to my boyfriend. I told Trent off, but I should have done it sooner. I should have been more respectful and aware of Mikah’s feelings instead of just believing that what he was showing me was the truth. But I was so caught up in the night that I didn’t pay attention. That’s on me. It’s my fault.

So, maybe I should go get Mikah, but not to demand we get back together. But I should make amends. Let him know things are okay between us and he should come home. I’ll respect his space and do whatever he needs to make him comfortable. Hell, I’ll move if he wants me to. Yeah, I think that’s the key right there. Glancing at the time, I know my realtor would kill me if I called him right now, so that won’t work. I’ll call tomorrow.

My stomach growls, so I get up to warm the food, eat, then force myself to shower and get to bed. The sooner I get to sleep,the sooner it’ll be morning and I can call my realtor to put my house up on the market.

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