Page 54 of Sweet Shots

I nod absently and say, “I could go alltherapiston you, but I’ll spare you. I will say this though—” I make a show of looking around. “She isn’t here. Youare, and you’ve done a wonderful job of making a life for yourself. Don’t let your past destroy your future.”

He blinks a few times before softly saying, “I’m trying.”

Chapter Nineteen

Mikah

The more I think about how I straight out told Dominic I think we should date, the more I think I’m crazy and get that weird feeling in my chest.

Embarrassment.

I hate it.

He agreed, though, and we’re officially dating. So why do I keep worrying about it? Why am I overthinking what I said to him when he probably hasn’t given it a second thought?

Why the hell am I like this?

Okay, I know why I’m like this. The question should be: why can’t I stop?

I know how. Know why I do all this. Yet… I can’t get it to go away. I don’t know how to break these habits.

The only time my mind is quiet is during sex. Even solo. It’s why making content has been so easy for me. But the thing that’s really crazy is how quiet my mind is when I’m withDominic. Specifically during sex or when he’s being all dominating and taking care of me. There is this trust there… though I’m not sure where it came from or how it happened. Hell, even thinking about the fact that I trust him has me wanting to run for the hills.

But seeing the way he lives his life? So carefree. Having fun. Going with whatever is thrown at him…

I’m jealous.

And I’ve realized that’s what my issue was the entire time.

I envied my neighbor for being so… him. For living his life and enjoying it without apology. For being himself and not caring what other people think. For having the ability to be charming and friendly with people he probably doesn’t like.

I can’t do that. I just can’t.

I have no idea where things will go with him—maybe nowhere. But I do know that in the short time I’ve spoken to him, I’ve learned a lot about myself. He’s opened my eyes to things I chose to turn a blind eye to. Maybe I’ll regret this one day, but for now? I’m taking a page from his book and going with it. I like spending time with him; I like how he makes me feel, and ultimately, I think this will be good for me. That’s why people date, right?

“Emmet, this is my boyfriend, Mikah.”

I snap out of my thoughts—something I force myself to do often. A hundred times a day, at least. I don’t allow myself to get lost in them anymore. When I realize I’m overthinking orworrying, I force myself out of it. It’s easier to do when I’m with Dominic.

I may have done some research online to find some tips to help get myself out of this awful funk, and that was one of them. I found a ton of little tricks to break unwanted habits. So far so good, other than being ashamed of how many times I get lost in my own head over stupid things that shouldn’t matter.

“Can’t believe you got this guy to put a label on things,” Emmet says, offering out his hand.

A smile crosses my face, and I shake his hand. The first thing I notice is they look nothing alike. Where Dominic is dark and tan, Emmet is light-skinned and blond. They’re about the same height, though Emmet is leaner.

“Knock it off, Emmet,” Dominic warns, cutting in, which I’m grateful for because I had no idea what to say to that. I’m awkward at best, antisocial and rude at worst. But Dominic seems to know that about me and has no problem filling in those spaces when needed. He does it when we’re alone, and it seems he can do it when we’re out too. Which may make going out easier. Could I actually enjoy being out in public if I have him with me?

I noticed it when we went out to dinner the other night. He took charge, ordering the wine. I was fine ordering the appetizer because the waiter suggested it. Even for the meal, I was taking a while to decide. Dominic chose for me, and it was an unexpected relief.

Choices aren’t easy for me, and that’s something I have no idea how I’m going to get over. I get overwhelmed by even simple decisions sometimes—because what if I pick the wrong one?

What if, what if, what if…

I need to remove those words from my vocabulary when they’re paired together.

“I’m just saying,” Emmet comments. “Never met a boyfriend before, and I’ve known you a long time.”

“Just give me two beers and shut up,” Dominic grunts.

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