Page 96 of Sweet Shots

He’s up there winning awards; what are you doing?

He’s not going to want to take care of you all the time now that he’s going to be more famous.

He won’t deal with your shit anymore after tonight.

He’s going to forget all about you.

He’ll find more well-known people to fuck.

You aren’t good enough.

You aren’t good enough.

You aren’t good enough.

The thoughts shut down when Dominic takes his seat, and I feel awful that I missed his speech all because of that ridiculous voice that’s ruining my life. Dominic puts the award on the table in front of him, then leans over, takes my face between his large hands, and kisses me silly.

It has my stomach twisting and my heart fluttering. Fuck, I almost want to smile. But that voice is lingering, reminding methat I’m nothing. This is only temporary. Dominic won’t be here forever.

I push them away and when he pulls back, I smile at him because I won’t ruin this for him. I won’t. This night is about him, and he can have it. He can have anything he wants for as long as he wants—including me.

Because the reality is, I’m too far gone now. I’m addicted to Dominic Blake. The way he makes me feel. Who he is. I’m his as long as he’ll have me.

That voice can tell me how I’m nothing. As long as Dominic sticks around, I’ll know I’m something. Because at the very least,I’m his.And that’s priceless. But no matter how hard I try to push the voice away, it just won’t stop. I can argue points all day, but it just keeps coming at me.

There’s never been someone in my life who wanted to be here, who chose me over everyone else. And though Dominic has done that so far, discussing changing his platform for me, that isn’t going to last. Why would it? Especially after this.

He just got an award for Best Dominating Male. He isn’t going to win more awards fucking the same guy for the rest of his life. He’s going to realize that. One of these days he’s going to realize I’m a mistake—same way everyone else has. Then he’ll get rid of me.

I’m disposable. Expendable. Unmemorable.

I’m not good enough to be kept long-term.

That’s a harsh fucking reality to face, but one I should accept sooner rather than later. It’ll make the hit easier to take whenit happens. If I were smart, I’d break it off now. Save myself the pain that will eventually come, but I can’t. I’m too weak to give up this feeling. I’m too obsessed with how Dominic makes me feel, what he gives me. It’s a freedom from myself I didn’t know I was capable of.

The voice is back with a vengeance, but it won’t be here for long. I know without a shadow of a doubt that when we hit the bedroom, it’ll go away again. It will. It always does. It has to. Dominic makes it go away, and I just need to focus to make it stop. None of what it’s saying is true. I mean, maybe some of it is, but Dominic isn’t that kind of person. He won’t pick fame over me. He won’t.

I keep my shit together, pushing the voice away every time I hear it. The only thing keeping my head straight is telling myself this is for him and not me. This is his night. I won’t ruin it. I won’t be that person.

The show takes a pause as Chelseigh gets back up to the podium.

“The next group of categories has some more depth to them. A bit more creativity is involved. Take inspiration as you see fit, and maybe your video will be up here next year.”

People clap as a woman walks out on stage, getting to the podium to announce what’s next. A glance down at the itinerary tells me Dominic will be up again after this one. He’s still grinning from his award. I see him sneaking glances at it, and I can’t blame him. Even sitting this close to it is crazy. Knowing I know someone who’s won an actual award is nuts.

The first category is Best Girl on Girl Outside Scene. When the clips come up, they play for longer than they did last time, and I notice each video has two names on the bottom instead of one. Makes sense, if it’s a girl-on-girl category. They both deserve the award.

“And the award goes to… Raven Grey and Esme Wilson!”

Two girls walk up on stage, holding hands. One has blonde hair, the other black. Both are in high ponytails, their hair long and sleek. Their boobs are fake, for sure, skin tan and shiny. Their dresses are tight and short. They look like schoolgirls.

They give a quick speech, each of them taking an award before going back to their table. Sky Bunny is at the microphone now, a girl with bubble gum pink hair.

“How y’all doing tonight?” she asks into the mic with a sweet southern drawl.

Everyone whoops and claps.

“Our next category is Best Male on Male Couch Scene. I love myself some male-on-male action, just saying,” she says, then giggles. A bunch of people in the crowd cheer. I laugh and so does Dominic.

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