Page 101 of Tobias

I’m certain I’m one step away from this all blowing up in my face.

Despite saying I would see him tomorrow, I’m at Tobias’s house, waiting for him to get home. He texted me seconds before his date, according to him, and asked me to go by. I couldn’t say no. Seems I can never say no to him.

This time, while I’m here alone, I get familiar with his place since I didn’t get to do that the other day. It’s just your average house. There are no bodies in his closet or chicken carcasses under his bed. It’s a spacious two-bedroom house, and only when I go through the kitchen for the third time do I realize he doesn’t have a car. I’m not sure how I didn’t notice it until now. There is no garage, and there isn’t a car in his driveway. He told me he always takes cars to dates, so I don’t think he has it with him. I’ll have to ask him about it when hegets home.

I’m sure he’ll eat dinner on his date, since that’s typically what he does, but I’m sure he won’t mind having a snack. It’ll give me something to do while I’m here.

I dig through his cabinets to look for something to make and find everything I need to make nachos. In my search, I find what I need to make cookies, so I attempt that too, pulling up a recipe on my phone. I’m just popping both sheet pans into the oven when Tobias shows up.

“Hey,” he says with a curious smile, hanging his keys on the hook by the door and shrugging off his coat.

I wrap my arms around him, kissing him. “I missed you.”

His eyes brighten, hand coming up to rest at the back of my neck. “I missed you too.”

Do I like the idea of him just having been out with another person? No, not at all. But he’s here. He came home… to me. No, this isn’tourhome, but it could be. We could really do this. Maybehe’sthe one I should come clean to first…

“What are you making?” he asks, glancing at the oven.

I kiss his cheek before saying, “Nachos and sugar cookies.”

“Wow. What a way to come home.”

I grin, wanting to say we could do this every night. All my years of life, I never pictured myself in this role, but now that I’m here, I don’t hate it. The smile on Tobias’s face makes it all the more better.

Tobias goes into his room to change while I start cleaning up. He comes back a few moments later in a pair of joggers and a T-shirt.

“So, you don’t have a car,” I say.

“Nope.”

“Is there a reason why?” I ask.

“I don’t drive.”

“Like you don’t know how, or…”

“Like… I’m terrified of it.”

I then remember what he told me about his dad and how he died in a car accident. I nod, understanding the fear and also that he probably doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Putting trust in someone else to drive isn’t difficult?”

“It was for a while.” He shrugs, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. He offers it to me, but I shake my head. “But getting through panic attacks while someone else is driving is easier than doing it while being in control of a two-ton machine.”

“Yeah, I get that.” I take his hand, kissing it, before letting it go. “I think if I were in your position, I’d be terrified of being out of control.”

“It’s more that I don’t trust myself.” He cracks open his water, taking a long gulp. “My father and mother were fighting when he left. He was upset. Maybe not paying attention. I don’t blame her entirely on the accident, but I blame her for him being upset—which is what made him leave.”

“And part of it is you don’t trust yourself to not drive while you’re upset?”

He nods. “Maybe, I guess. It's stupid.”

“No,” I cut in. “It's not stupid at all. We all have fears and worries. It’s part of being human.”

I’m terrified of breaking off my engagement because I don’t know how to live without money being handed to me without working for it.

I don’t know how to live without my family giving me everything I need.

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