Page 111 of Tobias

“Of course.”

I hurry back into the kitchen to finish preparing dinner, this way I can shove it in the oven later on, when it’s time.

Last night was a late night. I’m not sure what time we got back from the bar, but the way we attacked each other right inside the door was a fun way to start off the new year. Tobias and I slept until late afternoon, cuddled up with Biscuit, because after we went at each other in the entryway, I let her out of her kennel to sleep with us. Probably not the best idea, but she didn’t pee anywhere, so that’s a plus.

“If you want me to stay here again tonight, I should go by my house to get clothes!” Tobias calls from the living room.

If you moved in, all your things would already be here.

That’s too fast, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve been thinking about it all morning, ever since last night when he almost told me he loved me. I know that’s what he was going to say. I could feel it. I almost said it first. It’s not what I should be thinking about. What I should be thinking about is how I’m going to break the news to Marianne and destroy hers and my family’s lives.

Like a band-aid, I suppose, because there is no going back now. I am gone for him and I can't let this go. I was terrified of this from the beginning, and my fear isn't gone completely, but it’s easier. I want this. Tobias wants this. We can make this work.

After I’m done with dinner, we hop in my car and head to his house so he can grab some things. I can’t get rid of the negative thoughts in my head, knowing there is no escaping this conversation with my family. It’s scary but it needs to happen. Once I get it done, everything will be better.

“What am I going to do if my family disowns me?” I ask, hating how raspy my voice is. Hating how much I let my life and emotions be dictated by them.

Tobias takes my hand. “You’ll manage, just like everyone else does.”

“That isn’t helpful.”

“Okay. How about… you have me. I can help you with whatever you need for as long as you need. You can stay with me, if it comes down to that. You can look for a job and get back on your feet. There are plenty of options.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It doesn’t have to be difficult, Theo. Not everything I mentioned, anyway. The emotional part, yeah, that’ll be tough, but time heals all wounds.”

“Does it, though?”

He shrugs. “I have no fucking idea.” He huffs out a laugh, and so do I. “But I like to think it does.”

I goinside with him when we get to his house, putting down his mail on the kitchen counter since I grabbed it on the way in. Following him into his room, I watch as he moves around with ease, gathering his things.

I take a look around, wondering if I can imagine myself here, with him. His style is nothing like mine. He actually has some. His home is homey. He is in every room, his personality shining. There is art on the walls, and half-dead plants in the windows. It’s messy but clean, and everything smells like him. The crazy thing is I can see myself here with him, all the time. I wouldn’t hate it if I lost my house, for the sole reason of coming here with him.

My house is comfortable, don’t get me wrong. It’s more spacious, and it’s where I spend most of my time, but… Tobias is here. And I want to be where he is. I have no attachment to my house, it's just a thing. I didn't even pick it out. What I have attachment to is this man, standing in front of me, digging through his drawers. I walk to him and when he turns with clothing in his arms, he startles.

“Everyth—”

I cut him off with a kiss, which surprises him further, but only for a moment before his hands are on my hips and he’s kissing me back. He always rests his hands on my waist or my hips, and I really love that. It’s not something Marianne ever did, or any girlfriend. It’s a Tobias thing, and I never want to have to miss it. There is nothing about him I want to miss. I want him always. Everything we have.

“Thank you,” I whisper as I pull away.

“For what?” he asks.

“For being my friend. For… trusting me.”

I feel like such an asshole saying those words because I don’t deserve his trust, but my appreciation is real.

I was going to break things off with Marianne and never tell Tobias a thing. He’d never know the difference, but I can’t do that. Not with how I feel about him, and certainly not with the way he feels about me. It’s only fair that I’m honest with him. I only hope he understands.

He finishes packing his bag and we go back to my place. We take Biscuit for a walk, and when we get back, we throw dinner in the oven and put on a movie while he teaches me how to play Rummy 500. The night is perfect. Yesterday was perfect. This entire thing isperfect.

If only I’d known it was the calm before the storm.

I wake up early to get everything together for what I have planned with Tobias. I truly hope I’m not overstepping with what I want to do. The idea came to me on New Year’s Eve, while we were at the bar. It wasn’t the time to bring up something like this, and so I let the plan form further, and truly, I’m happy with it. I just hope it doesn’t scare him away.

It’s supposed to rain like crazy in the afternoon, so I crawl back into bed and kiss Tobias all over his face until he wakes up laughing.

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