Page 129 of Tobias

“He won’t answer.”

“Then text.”

“What if he doesn’t read it?”

“Theo,” he says, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Sometimes it’s not about getting a response, he just needs to know you’re trying. Call him. Text him. Show up at his house. Let him know you’re not giving up.”

“That’s how you get a restraining order on you,” I say, shrugging out of his grip.

Asher chuckles. “Well, at least you’ll have your answer.”

Yeah, I guess I would…

He heads to bed, and I take my bottle of water into my room. It’s cramped and packed with stuff of theirs they don’t have room for anywhere else. Extra clothing and shoes take up the closet, both hanging and in totes. Beneath the bed are a ton of boxes, filled with who knows what. All my clothes are still in suitcases, piled in the corner. I dig through and pull out sweatpants and a T-shirt before going across the hall to shower. The bathroom is small with barely room to turn around, and the shower head is a cheap plastic one that has no pressure.

When I pull my phone from my pocket to put on the counter top, I notice a text from Marianne. It’s a photo, so I open it up and see Biscuit’s smiling face. I miss her so much. I didn’t ask Asher and Morgan if I could bring her here. I’m sure they would have let me, but I was already imposing, and Marianne offered to keep her until I get on my feet. It seemed like the best option, so I went with it. Marianne has a nice house with a big back yard that Biscuit gets to enjoy.

I text Marianne back, letting her know to tell Biscuit that I love her and I’ll see her soon. Then I hop in the shower, scrubbing myself clean. It was a relief to see Tobias, and I loved hearing his voice, but the way he walked out devastated meeven more.

When I get back to my room, I’m exhausted. I lay down in the bed that is not all that comfortable and stare at the ceiling that has a few cracks in it.

There’s nothing wrong with Morgan and Asher’s house. It’s perfectly fine and homey, and it’s theirs. It’s just… not mine. It’s not what I’m used to. I appreciate them letting me stay here, and I appreciate them listening to me complaining even more, but I hate not having my own space. I hate needing help. Which makes no sense, since help is what I've gotten from my parents my whole life.

With the money I had in my account, I could have found a small house to buy, but that seemed stupid. What would I do for money if it all went toward a house? What about bills? Food? I need to get a job before I consider making such a big purchase.

My parents cut me off. Told me not to speak to them again. I’m not sure if they’ll come around or not, but maybe they will. I knew this would happen, I only hoped that it would be with Tobias by my side and not on my own, but I only have myself to blame for that.

I miss him so fucking much it makes me sick. Everything about him, but especially his smile. I’d hoped I’d get to see it today, but I didn’t. Guess I can’t blame him for that either. Doing what I did was a gamble, and I knew there was a good chance of it going badly. It was pretty stupid, and I guess I shouldn’t have done it at all. The more I think about it, themore I wish I could go back and just send him a text telling him I miss him.

I think back to what Asher said. I don’t know how he can give me advice, since he’s been with Morgan forever and hasn’t dealt with a break up. but maybe Ishouldlisten to Asher. He is in a successful relationship…

What harm can it do?

Tobias’s text thread is pinned to the top of my messages, even though I haven’t used it in weeks. I tap on it, then type out a message and send it.

I’m sorry for tonight. Can we please talk?

Oh, and happy Valentine’s Day.

I plug it in and when it vibrates, I hold my breath and glance at the screen. I can’t tell if it’s a text, and I try not to get my hopes up. Picking up my phone, I see that it is in fact a text, but it’s not one from Tobias.

She says she loves you too. Let’s do lunch tomorrow?

Sure. I’ll be there at twelve.

Night.

Good night.

I put my phone back down, and with nothing else to do, I turn over and force myself to go to sleep.

I knock on Marianne’s door, but let myself in, like I usually do. Boundaries between us are very few, and we’re okay with that.

“Hey!” I call out. “It’s me!”

“In here!” Her voice comes from the kitchen. I go that way and I’m met halfway by an excited Biscuit. I drop to my knees and pull her in for a hug, scratching her back and sides. She’s wiggling and licking me.

“I miss you, girl.” I hug her tight around her neck. “Come on, let’s go see what your step-mother is up to.”

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