Page 24 of Tobias

“I knew I shouldn’t have told you.”

“You haven’t told me anything. What happened?” he demands.

I hold his gaze, and since I had the bright idea to spill this secret, I’m going to have to tell him the rest or he’ll never shut up. So, I tell him what happened, and when I’m done, all he looks is disappointed.

“So, no sex?”

“Fuck off,” I mutter, getting to my feet. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

“Hard just thinking about him, huh?” he calls after me, and I hold up my middle finger.

That man is… a lot, but he’s my best friend and I love him. Though, some days it feels like I tolerate him because I have no one else. Though they're both my friends, Asher and I are closer because we're guys and Morgan kind of does her own thing. She has a whole other set of friends that she hangs out with.

I quickly do my business in the bathroom, and as I wash my hands, I stare at myself in the mirror, not recognizing who the hell I am. Everything on my face is familiar. My green eyes are bright, hair perfectly styled as usual. My clothes are wrinkle free. I know this person… on the outside. But who the hell am I?

My whole life has been dictated and planned out. There was a schedule in place, thanks to my parents. The expectations were laid out, and I always knew what was coming. I’vegotten by for so long like that, but suddenly it seems… wrong. I feel like a puzzle piece that was squished into a spot it doesn’t belong. I’ll be fine for a while, until I’m needed elsewhere. There’s a different piece that’s supposed to be where I am… I belong somewhere else.

What will happen if I choose to stray from the life that’s been forced upon me? There’s a lot at stake. Is it worth the risk? Is happiness worth more than the comforts my family gives me? Can I survive without their support?

I didn’t have a terrible life. My parents were good parents. They could have been more loving, more comforting, and around more, but I don’t have a ton of complaints. They didn’t abuse me or treat me like crap. Sure, they were tough at times, but only because they wanted what’s best. Can I really repay them for all of that by throwing everything they've given me in their faces? I mean, they’re giving me everything they’ve worked hard to get. My father built his company from nothing, and now it’s everything. One of the top-ranking tech companies in Seattle. Could I be any more ungrateful?

Part of me knows this isn’t about them. It’s my life and I should do what I want. I shouldn’t have to repay them for raising me, their child. I didn't ask for all this; they're choosing to give it. It'stheirplan.

And what about Marianne? What would this do to her? If I called everything off, how would it change her life?

She’s carefree, and not overly in love with me in the way she looks at me with hearts in her eyes. She doesn’t think I hungthe moon for her, but we’re comfortable together. She talks about our life the way my family does. I don’t think she loves me any more than I love her, and maybe she doesn’t love me at all. She’s just accepted this is what our life is. We were raised closely, and we’ve been friends since we could walk.

Doesn’t she want more than what I have to give her? If she knew she could have true love, be with someone who made her the happiest person in the world, would she take it?

Then I have to consider what I’m giving this all up for. There isn’t someone in my life I’m leaving Marianne for. So, I’m just going to say,“Sorry, but I think I’m gay, so I’m calling off the wedding. Good luck.”?

What do I do from there? I don’t knowhowto be gay. Hell, I don’t know how to do anything outside of my routine. I've lived a sheltered life, and because we had money, my father paid people to do everything for us. I probably couldn’t even change a tire on a car if I needed to, and that’s ridiculous because I love cars. I used to hide car magazines under my mattress. I’m smart, I’m sure I could figure it out, but that’s not the point.

Can I live like this forever? I’m sure I could, but… do I want to? I keep going back to one question: is it worth it?

I shake my head, running my damp hands through my hair before heading out of the bathroom and back to the bar to get another drink. Once I sit down, I pull out my phone and secure another date with Tobias. There’s only one way to know if leaving this all behind is worth the risk…

Chapter Ten

Tobias

As I pull open the door to the bar, “APT” by Bruno Mars and Rosé hits me like a smack to the face. I stop once I step inside, staring at the group of guys doing some dance that must go along with the song. I’m up-to-date with music enough to know artists and titles, but not enough to know dances. My dancing days are long gone, and I’m not even sure why I danced with Theo when we were here together. It’s not really my thing anymore, and I can't remember the last time I danced with someone like that. It's been years.

The music stops and Jacob runs to the cell phone perched on the bar top. He’s an employee of Foxy’s. I’m not surprised to see a few of the guys from there, since they come here often enough to hang out. This is a safe and accepting place. There should be more of them.

“What the fuck are you guys doing?” I ask, taking note of who’s here. Kingston and Beau also work at Foxy’s, and I give them a little head nod when we make eye contact because it’sbeen a while since I’ve seen them. We don’t work an office job, so we don’t run into each other at work. In fact, we hardly go by the office at all. Not unless Foxy has important shit she needs to tell us in person. Even paperwork is done electronically now.

“Hello, to you too, Mr. Grumpy Pants,” Luca says with a smile.

I roll my eyes, looking between them and waiting for someone to answer me.

“We’re making a Tik Tok,” Benton finally answers in a tone that says I should have known that. I've heard of the app, but I'm too old for that shit.

“Why the hell would you do that?”

“Foxy suggested it may help,” Jacob says with a shrug. “Okay, everyone back in their places!” He watches them get into a pyramid formation, presses the button on his phone to record, then jumps back into the group. Nathanial presses something on the remote in his hand, and the song starts playing again, just a few seconds before the chorus. I make my way to the bar, keeping my eyes on them. Nothing has ever made me feel so old…

Once the chorus starts, so does their dancing. It’s ridiculous and exactly what you’d expect their generation to be doing. If they’re doing it for Foxy, I can’t complain. It’ll make me money too. I’m not sure how dancing to this song will help that, but I’m not on Tik Tok, so what the hell do I know? Pete comes over, bobbing his head and mouthing the words.

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