Page 60 of Tobias

When I wake up the next day, my head is pounding, and it takes a few minutes for all the memories of the night to assault me. I’m more embarrassed than hungover, which is saying a lot because I feel like shit.

The clock tells me it’s nearly three in the afternoon. My head is spinning but I need to get up and have some water and food. I grab my phone to get a pizza delivered. The grease will help my hangover; it always does. I see a text from Tobias, so I open that first.

Let me know as soon as you tell her.

I smile as I realize he’s been thinking about me. He wants this too. That’s exactly what those words tell me. He’s thinking about me, thinking about us being together. Tobias wants to fuck me, and that is the best thing I’ve heard in a long time.

Friends with benefits won’t be so bad. Tobias is the first guy I’ve had a crush on, so maybe this is all aboutthe sex. Maybe having sex with him will get it out of my system and I’ll still want to marry Marianne. It’s a thought I’d had from the beginning, and a common fear from a lot of people, I'm sure. The idea of settling down with one person for the rest of your life is terrifying, which is why a lot of people cheat beforehand. Like a last hurrah. And not it’s a good thing to do, I’m just saying I understand it.

I won’t know what this thing with Tobias is about until I try, but if I break it off with Marianne first, she may not forgive me.

I stare at his text, trying to figure out what to do.

A little white lie never hurt anyone, right?

If I tell him I broke it off with her, she’ll never know and he’ll never know. I can be selfish for once in my life, right? Everyone keeps telling me to put my happiness before everyone else’s. So maybe…

Tobias will only know what I tell him. If it turns out that this is about more than sex with Tobias, I’ll break it off with Marianne then. But if this is just my body wanting to experience something new, I can’t risk my future for that. I can sleep with Tobias, see how I feel, and go from there. Lying isn’t great, but ruining my future over my dick wanting dick isn’t great either. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and just trying to figure out my best plan of action.

Tobias seems to be really against cheating, and I understand that, but it should only take one time with him to know howI feel. One time. That’s it. After that, I’ll either break it off with him or break it off with Marianne. I just need an answer.

It’s dangerous, since I am not a liar, but it won’t last forever. I just need to sleep with Tobias once to know how I feel about it. To know if it’s right for me or if I’m just an idiot who has cold feet over getting married. I need to be sure before making such a big decision.

She’s coming over for dinner tonight. I’m talking to her then.

Text me when she leaves.

His eagerness to not waste time has me hard.He really does want this.

I close out of my messages and open the app to order pizza. It’ll be here in forty-five minutes, which gives me enough time to take a shower, change, and guzzle as much water as I can. I smile to myself as I eat my pizza, going over the plan in my head. It’s foolproof. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Tobias

Getting involved with Theo like this is stupid for so many reasons. Not only because his life is going to be a mess after he breaks it off with Marianne, but because I like the guy. Not enough to want to date him seriously, but I definitely like him more than a friend.

Having someone to fuck regularly will be nice. It’s not something I’ve done in a long time, and maybe I shouldn’t have said all of that to him last night. There was a lot of alcohol involved, and he was right there in front of me, desperate to suck my dick. Hell, I almost let him. I almost ignored my hatred for cheating, just to let him satisfy me. I would have hated myself. I’m proud that I was able to tell him no, no matter how badly I wanted it. This is the right way to do things. Because I’m tired of denying myself things I want.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about fucking him often. So if he really goes through with breaking it off with her, I’ll give in to my needs for once. I warned him that we will notbe in a relationship. I cannot handle that, and guys can never handle the idea of me dating other people professionally. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

Theo is aware of my boundaries, and he wants to do this anyway. He never said anything about my job or stopping it and has never made a jealous comment—except that one little comment via text, but it wasn't a red flag. That helps me believe he’s cool with this being casual. The guy is curious, into guys, and has never been able to explore that part of him before. I’m fine with him exploring it with me. It’s that simple. At least, it should be, but there’s something niggling at my brain about this, a weird sensation sitting at the base of my spine. Like a warning.

Theo is bright and fun, and he wants all the things I should want. A healthy thirty-six-year-old guy in his prime who has no reason to still be single other than he wants to be. As much as the thought of settling down scares the ever-loving shit out of me, the thought of doing it with Theo—or someone like him, I guess—isn’t terrible.

He’s someone I have fun with, trust, can be myself with and I don’t have to worry about him getting mad about how much I work. I’m not worried about him manipulating me or talking to me like I’m trash, all because I come from a family who struggles to make ends meet.

Though Theo comes from money, you’d never know it by talking to him. He isn’t arrogant or pretentious. He doesn’t throw his money around. He’s humble and down to earth,which tells me he’d be absolutely okay on his own, if his family were to disown him, but that’s something he needs to figure out on his own.

I have a date this evening, which is typical for a Saturday night. It’s a dinner date, and I can’t help but wonder what time Marianne will be going to Theo’s house, and if he will actually have the conversation with her. I hope like hell he does, not only because I really want my dick in his mouth, but because he needs to do this for his sanity. I can see his discomfort a mile away. Hell, even his friend sees he’s off.

It’s nearing lunch time and if I don’t get out of bed now, I never will. I dig around for some clothes to go for a jog. When I get back, I order food and shower while I wait for it to arrive. There’s a text waiting for me when I get out that it’s been delivered, and after throwing on some sweats, I head to my front porch to grab the bag of food before it gets too cold to eat.

The burger and fries are still semi warm when I get to them and I eat too quickly. I spend the rest of my afternoon catching up on sports and catnapping. An hour before my date, I start to get ready I go with a navy blue suit since it’s a business dinner, rather than something more flashy like I normally would. I get a good mix of dates, but I’ve found it’s women who want me to go to their business dinners. They’re too busy to settle down, too driven to want to give up their control, but not bold enough to tell their bosses that. So,instead, they pay $500 an hour for my pretty face. My gain, so whatever.

When I get to the restaurant, I’m greeted by a put-together blond woman who looks ten years older than me. She’s dressed in a grey pencil skirt and white silk blouse. Not quite the outfit I’d pick for a business dinner, but what the hell do I know?

“Tiffany?”

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