Page 79 of Tobias

I’ve never missed a party with Charlie on New Year’s, and I don’t know what’s so special about this one, but it’s double the money he usually pays me.

My finger hovers over the accept button, but something turns in my gut.

This doesn’t feel right.

Theo and I aren’t together, but this feels too close to cheating. Charlie isn’t a regular date. He’s more than that, always has been. Not on an emotional level, but on a physical one. I’ve never had to worry about this before because I’ve never had a serious relationship since starting at Foxy’s, and this is one of thereasons why.

Brandon and I met when I got my job at the rehab facility. It was my second job out of school. I was a lively twenty-four-year-old, ready to work and be the best physical therapist there ever was. Though I still think I’m good, I’ve lost myoomphover the years. Most of that has to do with Brandon and how that job reminds me of him. I don’t need it, but part of me wants to keep it just to spite him. Even if I don’t leave because of him, he’ll think it was. Then he’ll think he won. I exit out of the Foxy site and open my email back up so I can reply to Charlie.

I drop onto my couch, staring at the keyboard as if it’ll give me the words I’m supposed to say. I type, delete, retype, delete… everything feels too much or not enough. This is exactly why we shouldn’t blur lines with clients. It’s not that I think he’ll be mad or anything. I don’t think he’ll rat me out or try to get me into trouble, but I’ve never told the guy no before. It shouldn’t be an issue. I don’t have a problem telling people no… but it’swhyI’m telling him no that scares me.

Theo and I aren’t together, and yet he’s affecting my decisions. Before I know it, he’ll have me eating out of the palm of his hand like Biscuit.

Like Brandon…

If I don’t keep my emotions locked away, they come out full force. I get attached too easily. I love too hard. I fall too fast. It’s what happened with Brandon, and why I was so blind to the way he treated me for too long. It’s done lasting damageto me. That’s why my walls have stayed up, but it seems Theo has hopped right over those walls.

I could lie to Charlie, but he’d probably offer me a higher pay and not understand why I’m denying it. Finally, I get some words together that seem decent, and after rereading them a hundred times, I hit send.

Thanks for the offer, but I’m seeing someone, and I don’t think it would be right to attend your party. Hope you understand.

-Tobias

I turn on the TV and absolutely do not expect to get an email back from him so quickly, but it pops up and my nerves over the whole thing won’t let me ignore it. When I read it, I’m even more shocked.

Bring him. I’ll pay double.

“What the fuck,” I mutter to myself. I don’t even know what to say. I’m not sure Theo would be into something like that, but how the hell do I know? Also, I think I don’t want him to be…

I understand there are different relationship dynamics, and some people are okay in poly relationships or open relationships, but that is not for me. What’s mine is mine, and I do not share. I understand that’s hypocritical considering what I do for work, but this is why I don’t date. It’s too complicated.

And here I am, talking like Theo and I are in a relationship when we’re not. Being possessive over the guy when I have no right to be is not okay. I don’t like the thought of himbeing with someone else, and that’s just… well, it’s fucking ridiculous.

What are your Christmas Eve plans?

Working.

I think he wants to ask me which job I’m working, considering the little dots keep dancing, but maybe he feels weird about it. I don’t want him to be uncomfortable asking me questions about my job, as long as he understands that itismy job and I’m not leaving it.

After five minutes of him not sending anything, I send another text.

What are you doing?

The dots stop for a moment, then start again, and a text comes in a few seconds later.

Family dinner.

I get to do that on Christmas day.

You could skip and hang out with me and Biscuit?

I can picture his cheeks all pink, like they usually get when he asks me something he thinks is too much.

I’d like that. I should at least drop off the gifts at my mother’s house.

That’s very un-Grinch of you.

I’m not a Grinch, my family just stresses me out.

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