Page 50 of An Island Promise

‘There’d be no grief without love and that would be a miserable world to live in, to never experience the joy of finding that person who makes you happy, makes you feel safe, who loves you unconditionally. Even after going through all that pain, it wouldn’t stop me from doing it all over again.’

‘Do you think there is someone else out there you can love as much?’ The words left her mouth before she considered them.

‘I know there is.’ He met her gaze and held it. ‘Of course it would be different, but falling in love and finding that one person to share your life with emotionally, mentally and physically is human nature.’

‘You said “oneperson”.’

‘Because there wouldn’t be more than one person at a time not unless you’re into breaking hearts.’

He was a romantic who’d had his fairy tale but never got his happy ever after. Yet he believed there was a chance of finding that kind of love again. To find it once would be enough for Belle.

‘I’ve never experienced true love, not like you.’ She sighed. ‘I envy you that even if it came with the pain of loss, the same way I envy the relationship Laurie has with her husband. To have found that one special person.’

‘You’ve been in love though?’

‘I’m not sure I have, which I guess answers your question. I had this unrealistic idea of love and what I thought the perfect man should be like, which has sabotaged every relationship I’ve had.’ The breeze curling through the open doors was going some way to help cool her hot cheeks. ‘I’ve blamed my own confused feelings and my uncertainty on partners, comparing them to what I thought love should feel like. So no relationship has ever lasted. I’m the problem, but I’ve always found fault in them, always compared them to—’ She stopped herself from saying Diego’s name, because she realised how pathetic it sounded and what a mistake it had been comparing every romantic relationship she’d had to an unrealistic idea of love. She hadn’t fallen in love; she’d been swept up in the euphoria of him and Ibiza and the freedom it offered. They’d never even had a relationship, just sex and one-sided feelings. Her life spiralling into months of pain, tests and procedures had shone a light on Ibiza for what a good, carefree and memorable time it had been. Of course nothing would match that, but she’d been looking at it through the disappointment of the job and the pain and aftermath of the accident.

‘I’ve compared past partners to an impossible dream,’ she finally said instead, because that was the truth. ‘A lot happenedin those few months after Ibiza. I had the accident, Gem discovered she was pregnant and Laurie’s boyfriend proposed. Our lives changed. And I couldn’t shift the feeling that as soon as I was in a good place, something bad would follow. I constantly set myself up for failure. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy.’ She shook her head and tucked her legs beneath her, smoothing her hands over the folds in her silk dress. ‘I’m so sorry, I’ve dumped all my emotional shit on you when you’re dealing with enough of your own today.’

‘Honestly, it’s been helpful to not focus on just my own shit. I didn’t want to talk to or see anyone today but I’m glad you came over. I’m glad I’m not dealing with this alone.’ His jaw tightened and the way his eyes glinted damp in the soft candlelight made Belle want to hug him.

‘You know you never have to deal with things alone. You have so many people who care for you and love you.’

‘I know. I’ve just conditioned myself to getting through the pain and on with things. To not bother friends and family with my sadness, although I confide in Cara loads. But I’ve loved talking to you and I like spending time with you.’ He dropped his hand from the back of the sofa, his fingers gravitating to his wedding ring. ‘I want to let go, and I don’t. It makes no sense. I want to move on yet I can’t. At least not on days like today where everything reminds me of her.’

Belle couldn’t bear his sadness any longer. She closed the distance and put her arms around him. His whole body was rigid as she pulled him close, encircling him, desperately wanting to show him he didn’t have to deal with his hurt by himself. She rested her head in the crook of his neck. He sucked in a sob, his chest reverberating against hers before he finally let go, wrapping his arms tight around her too as his tears fell, damp on her shoulder, his hands warm against her bare back. She heldhim and let him cry, aware of his muscles slowly relaxing until he sank completely into her and sobbed.

They stayed cocooned together until his tears eased, his breathing regulated and her foot lost feeling beneath her, but she wanted him to hold on for as long as he needed, so she didn’t pull away. When he did release her to wipe away his tears with the back of his hand, the other remained on her hip.

‘You left your friends at Ushuaïa?’ he said, breaking their silence.

Belle nodded and glanced at her watch. ‘They’ll be back at Spirit by now. I should really call a taxi and go.’

‘You don’t need to. It’s late.’ The way his eyes grazed her face made her heart jump. ‘I have a guest room. Made up ready for all the guests I never have.’ He smiled sadly. ‘You’re welcome to sleep here.’

Belle faltered. The desire to stay was overwhelmingly strong but it was more about the way he was looking at her, imploring her to stay as if he couldn’t face being on his own even if they weren’t going to be together. The thrill at that thought was extinguished as quickly as it had flared, the reminder of what this day meant to him overriding everything else.

Cara’s words ‘be a friend to him’ came back to her. ‘Thank you. I don’t suppose you’ve got a spare toothbrush?’

‘I’ll find some toiletries.’

While Caleb disappeared, Belle sent a message to Laurie, not wanting them to worry or speculate about where she was.

I’m staying over at Caleb’s in the guest room. Hope the rest of your night was fab! I’ll see you in the morning. Xx

Laurie replied with just a heart emoji.

Caleb gave her a quick tour of the rest of the house, the snug and his office downstairs, then upstairs he pointed out his room, a bathroom, another bedroom and then the guest room. He’d already laid out towels, a toothbrush, toothpaste and what she presumed was one of his T-shirts for her to wear. The room was elegantly furnished with picture windows on two sides allowing an unparalleled view of silhouetted trees before the hillside dropped away to reveal the dark curve of the island and the sea glittering like black opal.

Belle tore her eyes from the midnight view and turned back to him. ‘This is perfect, Caleb, thank you.’

She wanted to go over and kiss him, and not just an almost kiss this time. The desire in the pit of her stomach was hot and bubbly, making her unable to think straight. Actually, all she was thinking of was how much she’d like to take his hand and pull him towards the bed. She cut her thoughts short because she absolutely couldn’t go there, not with him, not tonight. Perhaps never.

As if sensing her internal struggle, he gave her a weak smile and took a step back. ‘I’ll see you in the morning.Bona nit.’

After getting Belle settled in the guest room, Caleb retreated to his own bedroom. He closed the door and leaned his forehead against it, breathing hard, trying to calm his thundering heart. He’d never been more conflicted in his life. His body ached for the woman who would soon be lying in bed across the other side of the house, while his head was filled with the memories of the woman in the photo on his bedside table. Tonight was not the time to act on impulse, to give in to what his body was urging him to do or what his heart was telling him.

With his breathing calmer, he stripped off his T-shirt and joggers, climbed into bed and pulled the sheet up tight around him. He hugged the pillow and gazed at Paloma, a photo taken on their honeymoon, the joy on her face infectious as she stood in the turquoise shallows of Mnemba, an island off the coast of Zanzibar, a dhow floating in the background. He kept this photo on his bedside table because it took him right back to that moment when life had been perfect. Perfect and short-lived. Paloma would forever be as she was in that photo, frozen in time aged thirty-six when she’d died. He had countless photos and videos of her, but his memories were like an old film reel, faded and distorted. Was he remembering the event, or just an impression because a photo had prompted it? Five years was a long time to miss someone, to know that they’d never make you laugh again, or cook you eggs in the morning exactly the way you liked, or come to bed with you after a difficult day.

---