Page 9 of The Wiener Across the Way

I nodded, understanding the weight of his trust. Moments like these were what grounded me. “I’ll look after her, Dad.”

Jules gave us both her patented fuck-the-patriarchy glare. “I’m standing right here, you know. I’m not a damsel in distress.”

Dad smiled at her, the love for his one and only daughter evident in his eyes. “I know, JuJu Bean. But even a bowl-winning quarterback makes sure he’s got protection when he’s out of the pocket.”

Jules made a moue face but accepted his response. Then she dragged me into the kitchen to help her set the table. I certainly wasn’t saying no to my dad’s barbecued wings and a nice spinach salad. Not since what I had waiting at home was a protein shake, three plain chicken breasts, and another protein shake.

We sat and loaded up our plates. “How’d you even get these tickets anyway? They sold out in like two-point-two seconds. Where are our seats? We’re all the way at the back, aren’t we? Wait, did you get them off a scalper? Ew.”

“Take a breath and a bite. Jeez.” I shoved a huge bite of salad into my mouth just to make her wait until I finished chewing.

She flicked a cherry tomato off her plate at me. Which I caught and also popped into my mouth.

“You’re the worst. The best, but also the worst. Tell me.”

“I did not get them off a scalper. They were a gift, and only the best for us. We’re VIP seats baby.”

Her eyes went wide, and she stopped mid-bite of wing. “Your agent is so much better than Chris’s at getting you cool shizz.”

Alexis had worked some miracles in her time. I still had my fingers crossed she could get me that shoe deal.

“Imagine if we got to actually meet Kelsey? Oh my gawd. You should make a Bestie bracelet and put your number on it and give it to her. Like, what if you two went out? She’s single right now, you know?” Jules made waggly matchmaker eyes at me that were identical to the ones that Ev had given me earlier. She continued to go on and on about how she was going to make a whole bunch of Bestie bracelets to trade at the show and how she’d make some for me if I wanted.

I’d go, I’d sing along, and I might even dance, but I wasn’t an actual Bestie. Even if I did have all her albums on my car jams playlist.

“I heard about the nomination,” Dad said, his voice even. “Meanest player, huh? That was me back in the day too.”

It was the part of the ‘How I Met Your Father’ story my mom had liked to tell the most. He’d gotten that same nomination the season the two of them met. She’d always called him her growly bear.

I shrugged, unsure how to respond. “It’s just a title. Doesn’t mean anything.”

Dad nodded, understanding. “It doesn’t. And it doesn’t define who you are off the field either.”

I pretended not to care and took another wing. “I know.”

But did anyone else?

INSTASNAP POST

Hey Besties,

It’s cheesepocalypse. Like... I popped into a grocery store here in Denver, thinking, hey, if Kelsey says she’s having a love affair with brie, I can at least try the weird gooey stuff.

They. Were. Sold. Out.

Not just of brie either. Every cheese. Even cheese sticks.

That’s the power of Besties.

I guess we like cheese now, so dairy farmers of America, you’re welcome. (But be good to your cows, or we’ll come for you.) Also... who else needs to stock up on those lactose pills? Just me? Beware, that’s probs the next thing to sell out. Uh-oh. This could cause a bigger TP shortage than Coronapocalypse.

Luckily for me, the room service at the hotel still had a stash, and for today, I’m going to be like Kelsey and eat what I want, not what I think I should.

And anyone who tells me to have a salad instead can eat a bag of dicks.

I’m still crossing my fingers that our girl Kelsey will find real love with someone who treats her right and isn’t made out of dairy. Is there anyone out there like that? She deserves someonewho will worship her like I’m currently worshipping a nice piece of nutty and buttery sheep’s milk cheese. Because we fancy.

Two more sleeps until the next show. Who’ll be on my livestream?

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