Page 17 of The Anaconda Downstairs

Too bad someone like Everett would never go for an awkward, chubby—did I mention awkward?—woman like me. Not when he always had some supermodel or cheerleader on his arm or in his bed. He wasn’t looking to fall in love anyway. He was a player, but that’s what I wanted. Not to date or fall in love with him. God no. I just needed his advice, his expertise.

But falling asleep on his shoulder, the warmth of his body next to mine... Nope. No. Red light. Stop sign. Do not pass go. The space beside me was cold and empty because he hadn’t stayed. Which was for the best.

I stretched and grabbed my phone to check the time. Kelsey liked to get to the stadium early so we had to do the minimum of sneaking her around in catering or laundry carts. Instead of the time, I saw a text from Everett.

In case you wake up alone, Sleeping Beauty, I went back to my room to catch a few zzz’s before the game. Didn’t want you to think I just ditched you, but you were sleeping so hard, I didn’t want to wake you just to... anyway, see you after the game.

I groaned, burying my face in the pillow. I’d fallen asleep on him like some kind of overgrown koala. So much for being a sophisticated woman he could coach in dating. Part of me had hoped... well, I wasn’t sure what I’d hoped. That he’d still be here? Dumb. Eye roll. Ridiculous.

Kelsey wandered into the suite with Trixie in tow. They both had these satisfied dreamy looks on their faces, and honestly, anyone in the world would be able to see they’d been well loved last night.

I, on the other hand, had snuvvies in my curls it would take a month to brush out and probably a whole train station of crisscross lines smushed into my face from sleeping face down on the couch cushions.

“Hey, Pen.” Kelsey gave me a sloppy sort of smile. “I know we’re already running late, you can yell at Declan for that later. Would you mind ordering up some lattes for us while I hop in the shower?”

“Oh, oh, add me to that request pretty, pretty please.” Trixie pressed her hands together in a begging gesture. “Extra shot and oat milk. I’m gonna need my energy later for... uh. Okay, I’ll just be a minute too.”

They both disappeared into their rooms, and I heard the showers turn on seconds later.

I’d expected the girlfriends’ version of the Spanish Inquisition. Thank goodness they were both too distracted by their freaking blissful love lives to notice I was anything but normal, put-together Penelope. I ordered up the coffees and some pastries too, even though there would be mountains of food at the game, and included one extra in case Willa showed back up too. Then I popped in my own shower for a super-fast rinse.

When I looked in the slightly fogged up mirror afterward, the contrast between the happy glow on Trixie and Kelsey’s faces compared to mine was a bit too stark.

If I had to be embarrassed in front of Everett Kingman the Love Guru for a hundred awkward dating lessons in a row to have even a chance at finding love and happiness, I would do it.

I wrapped my hair into a messy bun instead of trying to even attempt to run a brush through it and grabbed that same lip gloss that Everett had me wear. I wasn’t normally a big makeup person. I didn’t need to be. Kelsey was the one in the spotlight. And it was far too easy to throw a filter on a video if I was going to be on camera for social media.

Maybe I needed a makeover.

Except that’s what I was doing with these dating lessons. Making myself over from the inside out. Work that I’d started when I became Kelsey’s assistant. But nobody tells you that inside out makeovers are harder because you can’t just spin around in a mirror and see your new and improved self.

An hour later, we were all loading up on snacks and drinks in the VIP suite at the stadium. The place was already buzzing with excitement, and while I’d never been a big sports girlie before, I really enjoyed coming to the games.

“Pen, over here,meine Beste,” Sara Jayne Jerry’s voice rang out over the chatter. She waved enthusiastically for me to join her in the front row seats. Turned out, she’d been a Besties Bestie follower for years. Beside her, Kelsey, Trixie, and Marie Manniway were chatting up Willa, trying to make her feel welcome.

I gave her a wave and a smile. She looked like she was gob smacked by all of this. And I totally understood. Sometimes I marveled at how this was my life. I definitely hadn’t been voted most likely to succeed in high school.

If you would have told fifteen-year-old me that ten years later I’d be traveling the world with the most adored pop star, have over a million followers on social media, be helping spread her message of body positivity, and get to do things like fly on a private jet to watch football games in VIP suites with an alcoholic root beer float in hand, I’d have smacked you with my notebook.

But if you’d said I still wouldn’t have a boyfriend with no prospects on the horizon... that I would have believed.

Bridger, the father of all these Kingman boys, who we secretly referred to as Zaddy Kingman, chatted with Mac Jerry, the sports agent, and Johnston Manniway, who I’d learned early on in Kelsey’s relationship was a legendary quarterback for the Mustangs in his day.

Right in the middle of it all was Jules, the seventeen-year-old badass youngest sister of the clan. All of a sudden, I felt incredibly lucky that her attention was on Willa and not me. Nothing got by Jules Kingman.

I took a long sip of my drink, and made my way over to Sara, pasting on a smile. “Hi, so nice to see you and Mac again.”

Kelsey turned to me, a new knowing glint in her eye and lowered her voice. “So, Pen, we were all in such a hurrythis morning, I didn’t get to ask. How was your evening? Do anything... interesting?”

Oh gawd. What had she and Trixie been talking about? Did they know?

This boozy fluffy drink was going to be gone before I knew it, because it was the only thing keeping me cool right now. “Oh, you know, watched some movies.”

That wasn’t a lie.

“Mhmm,” Kelsey hummed, clearly not buying it. “And I suppose Everett just happened to have a quiet night in too?”

Before I could stammer out a response, Sara Jayne leaned in. “Ooh, what’s this about Everett? Are you two...?” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

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