Page 36 of The Anaconda Downstairs

Deep down, I knew that’s really why I was awkward around men. I was so good at pushing them away with my weirdo-ness. Because it was easier to blame that for why I didn’t date than because I was afraid that no one would love someone who looked like me.

Being afraid was not who I wanted to be. I swallowed hard and dug deep inside for the Penelope I knew was in there. The one who said, “Fear is my bitch.”

She was there, although her take-no-shit voice was a bit out of practice. It came out softer and squeakier than I’d like. “I guess a little makeover couldn’t hurt.”

Two hours later, I found myself wrapped in a fluffy robe, cucumber slices on my eyes as a stylist worked some kind of magic on my hair.

“Okay, Pen, now that we’ve got you trapped in relaxation mode,” Trixie’s voice came from my left, “spill. What’s really going on with you and Everett?”

I was glad for the cucumber slices hiding my eyes. “For real, he really is just helping me with the whole dating thing.”

“Uh-huh,” Jules said, skepticism dripping from her voice. “And these lessons involve him almost kissing you on his front porch because...?”

I sighed, reaching up to remove the cucumber slices. “Somehow I’m not surprised you can’t let that go. It really wasn’t what you think. Everett’s just going a little above and beyond. He simply feels sorry for me because he’s seen how bad I am with trying to meet a man.”

“I don’t think so,” a familiar voice chimed in, “I highly doubt my future brother-in-law feels sorry for you, Pen.”

I sat bolt upright, nearly knocking over the stylist. “Kelsey?”

There she was, looking effortlessly glamorous in a silk robe, her hair in rollers. “Surprise. The girls told me about your little makeover session. Thought I’d join in.”

I shot accusatory glances at Trixie and Jules. Trixie at least had the decency to look like she understood her crimes against Pen-manity. Jules laid right back down, slipped those cucumbers back over her eyes and grinned.

She was definitely the mastermind here.

Kelsey settled into the chair next to me and set Wiener the Pooh into a cuddly basket that the salon had waiting for her. This ambush was well-planned. “Now, about you and Everett. I’ve known forever that something’s been going on between the two of you. I saw how he looked at you back at the hospital when you were coordinating my escape.”

That was months ago, way before I’d asked him to be my dating coach. It was only days after we’d first met. I had only one four letter word in response to her assessment of the situation. “What?”

“Yeah.” She made that frowny I-know-what-I’m-talking-about face I’d come to love ever since she’d fallen in love with Declan. “I’ve been waiting for him to make a move, and I’m assuming makeover montage means he finally is taking you out on a date. I just wish you would have told me. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

My stomach dropped. “Oh, Kels, you’re my best friend, and it’s been the worst trying to keep this from you. But it’s only because Declan can’t find out. It’s not... we’re not...” I took a deep breath. “It’s not a date. Everett’s been giving me dating lessons.”

The salon went quiet. Even the stylist paused, sensing the tension.

“Dating lessons?” Kelsey repeated slowly. “That I can’t tell Declan about?”

I nodded miserably. “I didn’t want to tell you because... well, because I wanted so badly to show you that I’ve learned from your example. That I was as confident and happy with my looks as you are.”

I pressed the cucumber slices back up to my eyes, because the tears that were bubbling up were hot. “But I’m not. And it’s been holding me back. So I asked Everett to help me learn how to flirt and date so I could get a real date for the Grampys.”

Kelsey grabbed those cucumber slices and tossed them into the trash. Then she took my hand and to my surprise, laughed. Not in the way I’d been laughed at in college. She wasn’t laughing at me, she was commiserating and laughing not to cry herself. “Oh, sweet Penelope. You think I’m confident all the time? No woman is and you above all know me better than that.”

I mean, sure I’d seen her confidence shaken before, but never about her body positive image and message. She definitely worked to be the best role model, singer, activist, dog owner, and now fiancée.

Trixie nodded emphatically. “I definitely still have days where I feel like a potato with legs.”

“And don’t even get me started on how cool high schoolers are about big girls,” Jules added with a whole lot of sarcasm.

Kelsey reached out and took my hand. “Pen, listen to me. Body positivity isn’t about feeling confident every day. It’s about showing the world that you’re beautiful from the inside out, no matter what beauty standard of the day society says we’re supposed to fulfill. It’s about loving yourself enough to believe in and be your most authentic self, even when the world doesn’t like it.”

I blinked back tears that had been threatening to fall for twenty-some-odd years. “But how do you do that?”

“Practice, and faking it until you believe it yourself,” Kelsey said simply. “And surrounding yourself with people who lift you up. People who also love you for you.”

She gave a nod to Trixie and Jules, but then sent me a pointed look. “The ladies and I will always love you for yourself, but I think you need to look into your heart and see that someone else might too. Then be honest with yourself about your feelings for Everett.”

“I don’t—” Even before Kelsey cut me off, I knew I couldn’t finish that lie.

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