Page 4 of The Anaconda Downstairs

But for once in my life, I was craving something a little more grown up. Something red hot and spicy. I rubbed my chest, already getting heartburn.

Fuck my life, or rather my love life. If I was any one of my brothers, I could just gather the fam and get some advice. But I was the one they all came too, and there was no way in hell I was going to any one of my family members for help with this particular problem. Declan would find out in two-point-two seconds flat, and then I’d get flattened. Bunch of gossipy gossips and not a one of them could keep a secret.

Except maybe my baby sister, Jules. She could be a vault when she wanted to be. But that was a big if.

No, I needed to solve this myself. There wasn’t even anything to solve. So I had a little crush on Penelope. She wasn’tthe one. I’d have known.

Best to just push her out of my mind, go out and meet some new women who might be my one and only.

“Hey, Ev,” Chris called out to me and sent a spiral right at my chest. “I hear you’ve got a snake in your boot.”

Just what I needed. More older brothers to find out about the snake thing and tease me about it for the next twenty-some-odd years. That’s how long it had taken to get him to stop telling allseven of the rest of us kids that there was a lion in the toilet who roared when we flushed.

“You’re wrong. There’s a snake in my pants.” If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. I started singing, “My anaconda don’t?—”

Chris chuckled and held up his hand for me to stop. “Do not finish that line, or I’ll get the whole song stuck in my head the rest of the day.”

Hayes jogged over and grabbed himself some water. “Hey, Anaconda. Can you come over to game with me and the twins this weekend? Isak’s out, dad’s orders.”

Christ. There it was. Anaconda.

Guess I was lucky my new nickname wasn’t something cringy like Cobra Kai or Sir Hiss.

Hayes, the twins, and Isak had quiet the following on their video game live streams, with sponsors and everything. Since Penelope had started playing with them too, she brought in the Bestie crowd, so their viewer numbers had quadrupled. She fit in with them just like a little sister, giving just as much shit as she got. It was cute AF.

I wasn’t going to hang with my little brothers. Not when Sundays were prime ladies’ nights for me. If we won, everyone wanted to be with a star. If we lost, everyone wanted to comfort the star. It was the perfect time to find a love connection and forget all about a certain redhead. “I don’t think so, kid. Who else is gonna be there?”

Maybe he was planning on putting on a show for this new girl he was pining after. I would like to see that.

He shrugged and frowned like I’d just asked who I was picking to win the bowl game this year. “Just Flynn, Gryff, and Pen, like usual.”

Just as I thought. The last place I should be. “I’ll be there.”

FLIPFLOP

@BestiesBestie

[Video of a pile of jeans, each tied with what looks a little bit like a ribbon, and a lot like a rubber snake.]

Voiceover:

Hey, Besties,

Did a little shopping today for some new clothes for our first autumn in Colorado. So much chillier than we're used to in LA.

Gotta keep our girl Kelsey warm this winter so she's ready to get back into the studio in the spring, don't we?

Remember, your worth isn't measured by a number on a scale or the size of your jeans. It's measured by the size of your heart and the impact you make on the world.

Your BFF,

Mz. Besties’ Bestie - Penelope

#BestiesBestie #NewKelseyBestAlbum? #BodyPositivity #EmbraceYourself #TheBestRevengeIsLovingYourself #ColoradoFall #DidYouSeeThatSnake?

ALL THE SINGLE LADIES

PENELOPE

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