Page 5 of The Anaconda Downstairs

Ikissed a boy for the very first time in the second grade. His name was Daniel, and he had these sparkling blue eyes that made my seven-year-old heart swoon.

I can’t remember a time I didn’t have a crush on a boy since.

But they never seemed to crush on me back. I’m always the buddy, the cool chick, the friend without benefits. The nice girl who’s a bit too big to be arm candy, but lots of fun to pal around with.

What that made me was the master of unrequited love and a mess of lack of confidence. I always kind of thought I was pretty, but that didn’t seem to matter if I was also chubby.

Until I started working for Kelsey Best. Yeah, that Kelsey Best. The plus-size, body positive, badass popstar who is changing the way the world looks at big girls one song and a half dozen platinum and multi-platinum records at a time.

Kelsey changed my world even before I became her assistant. When she won the second season of The Choicest Voice, I cried. Literally. Like tears streaming down my face, gulping sobs, crying because never in my life had I seen someone who looked like me stand up to the fatphobic people of the world, like thatone judge on the show, and be lauded and praised in front of the entire world.

I couldn’t sing to save my life, but I felt seen. I felt represented. For the first time, I felt like my size, shape, and what the scale said didn’t have to dictate my life.

Then I went back to school the next day and was reminded by the cheerleaders and their football player boyfriends exactly why I’d struggled with self-confidence with just one insult and a whole round of laughs in the student center cafe.

I quit college that same week, and it was the best thing I ever did.

Working for Kelsey these past few years has been like a crash course in self-love and confidence. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments of doubt, but they’re fewer and farther between. Kelsey’s unwavering belief in herself, and by extension, in me, has been nothing short of transformative.

Lately, I’ve even been toying with the idea of dipping my toes back into the dating pool. Watching Kelsey and Declan together, so utterly in love and supportive of each other, has awakened a longing in me I thought I’d buried deep.

Sometimes, I catch myself daydreaming about finding someone like that for myself. Someone kind, funny, and devastatingly handsome... like any of the Kingman boys, if I’m being honest. Everett, in particular, with his easy charm and killer smile, has starred in more than a few of those daydreams.

But that’s all they can ever be—daydreams. Dating my boss’s fiancé’s brother? Talk about complicated. Besides, a guy like Everett Kingman was so far out of my league, he might as well be playing a different sport entirely.

I shook off those thoughts as Kelsey and I arranged the last of the rubber snakes around me on the living room floor. We’d been at this for hours, trying to get the perfect shot for her social media tease.

“You know,” Kelsey mused, adjusting a particularly realistic-looking cobra near my head, “it’s too bad we couldn’t use a real snake. That would’ve been so cool.”

I laughed, careful not to disturb our carefully crafted snake pit. “Yeah, because Pooh would love that. Your little wiener dog vs. a giant python or anaconda—now that would make for some viral content.”

Kelsey giggled, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Oh god, can you imagine? Poor Pooh would probably try to adopt it as some kind of long, scaly puppy.”

“Hey, don’t knock it,” I said, grinning up at her. “I think owning a snake would be pretty awesome. Kind of sexy, even. You know, in a dangerous, mysterious way.”

“Penelope Quinn,” Kelsey gasped in mock scandal. “Are you telling me you have a thing for snakes? Should I be worried about leaving you alone with all these rubber reptiles?”

I rolled my eyes, trying not to laugh and ruin our setup again. “Oh please. I just think they’re cool, that’s all. Besides, after this morning’s excitement with Everett, I think I’ve had enough snake action for one day.”

Kelsey’s eyes lit up at the mention of Everett’s name. “Oh my god. I still can’t believe he dove in to rescue you like that. Who knew Mr. Tough Tight End was scared of snakes?”

I felt a warmth spread through my chest at the memory. “Yeah, it was pretty heroic,” I admitted, then quickly added, “In a hilarious, over-the-top kind of way, of course.”

“Of course,” Kelsey agreed, but the knowing look in her eyes made me wonder if I’d been a little too transparent in my admiration.

Before I could dwell on it, Kelsey’s phone chimed. “Ooh, that’s probably Dec,” she said, reaching for her phone. “Let’s wrap this up and grab some lunch. I’m starving.”

We cleared away our serpentine photo shoot, and my mind kept wandering to wondering what Everett was up to at practice. And if, just maybe, he was thinking about our snake encounter too.

Oh no. Nope, no, no, no. That was a dangerous train of thought that went to nowhere. I’d be better fantasizing about any one of Kelsey’s exes over any of the Kingmans. That would be too damn weird.

She glanced at the screen and her eyes widened. “Ooh, it’s Neith.”

Kelsey had just signed on with the De le Reine agency, and Neith had been a revelation compared to The Mosquito Who Shall Not Be Named. We’d all clicked right away, and honestly, since Neith was also a bigger girl, she just understood Kelsey and her goals and plans so much better than any other agent or manager ever had.

Never once had Neith made me feel like less than because I was an assistant either. In fact, she’d told Kelsey to make me her new record label’s vice president. I was going to tell her yes. Soon.

I watched as Kelsey’s expression morphed from curiosity to shock, then pure, unbridled joy. She started bouncing on her toes, her free hand flying to her mouth as she listened, her eyes and smile getting wider and wider.

---