Page 6 of The Anaconda Downstairs

I knew what this call was. I’d be surprised that Kelsey hadn’t realized, but she was so deliriously happy these days, that work wasn’t the all-encompassing weight on her shoulders like it used to be.

“Are you serious? Oh my god, yes. Yes. Thank you so much.” She was practically vibrating with excitement.

I raised an eyebrow at her, silently waiting for her to tell me all about her nomination. Kelsey just shook her head, still listening to whatever Neith was telling her.

Maybe she’d gotten a couple of nominations, maybe even album of the year. After what felt like an eternity, she hung up and turned to me, her eyes shining with tears of happiness.

“Pen,” she said, her voice trembling, “I’ve been nominated for six Grampys.”

For a moment, I just stared at her, stunned. Of course she was.

“Oh my god,” I literally screamed, jumping up and down. “Kelsey, that’s amazing.”

We grabbed each other’s hands and jumped like kangaroos on crack together, squealing like teenagers. “Six nominations? You’re going to clean up at the Grampys.”

“I can’t believe it,” she said, wiping happy tears from her eyes. “Album of the year and best pop vocal album, best pop solo performance, song of the year and record of the year for “Next Chapter” and Best Song Written For Visual Media... Pen, this is insane.”

She spun around in a circle and declared, “We need to go shopping and find the perfect dresses for the red carpet.”

I nodded enthusiastically, already mentally cataloging the plus size designers we could contact. Kels would need several dresses for the night. There weren’t just the awards, but the after parties too. I looked around the snake-messy living room for my tablet. Then her words fully registered. “Wait... we?”

Kelsey looked at me like I’d grown a second head. “Of course we You don’t think I’d go to the Grampys without my best friend and right-hand woman, do you?”

My heart swelled at her words, but a knot of anxiety was already forming in my stomach. “But... the red carpet? I don’t know, Kels. This is your moment, and that’s a lot of cameras, a lot of eyes...”

“And you’re a natural on camera,” she assured me. “Oh, and of course, Dec will be there too. Which means...” She trailed off, a mischievous glint in her eye.

I knew that look. It never led anywhere good for me. “Which means what?” I asked warily.

“Which means we need to find you a hot date to walk you down the red carpet too.”

And just like that, my world tilted on its axis. I was right back in that college campus coffee shop with everyone staring at me, everyone laughing and pointing directly at my chubby butt.

“A... a date?” I stammered. “For the Grampys red carpet?”

Kelsey nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, it’ll be so great. We’ll both have our arm candy, looking fabulous in our knockout dresses. The press, and more importantly, the Besties, will eat it up. Ooh, let’s do a whole campaign to encourage the besties to dress up and show themselves off too. There will be so many beautiful bodies all over the internet, it’s going to be epic.”

My mind was reeling. Just this morning, I’d been cautiously considering the idea of maybe possibly dipping my toe back into the dating pool. Now I was supposed to find a hot, celebrity-caliber date for one of the biggest nights in the entertainment industry, and positively represent plus size women in front of the universe?

“Kels, I don’t know,” I said, my voice small. I hated that the remaining little bit of negative body image issues I still had chose this moment to rear their ugly heads like a mythical hydra. No matter how many times I cut off those nasty insecurities, they popped back up.

“I’m not sure I’m... I mean, who would even...” I trailed off, unable to articulate the tornado of insecurities whirling through my mind. An ugly, dark rock sank right to the bottom of my stomach, and it was made of self-doubt and lava. I was incredibly embarrassed that Kelsey, my friend, idol, and patronsaint of body confidence had to see that I didn’t believe it all for myself.

“Hey,” she said softly, taking my hands. Kelsey’s excitement dimmed a bit as she noticed my distress. “What’s wrong? Talk to me, Pen.”

I took a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts and not sound like I hadn’t been paying attention to her life’s mission all this time I’d been working for her. I simply could not tell her I was afraid of being laughed at and made fun of and shamed for what I looked like. I couldn’t.

“It’s just... I was barely ready to think about dating again. It’s been a while, you know? And now you’re talking about finding me some hot celebrity date for the Grampys? I don’t know if I’m confident enough for that. What if I make a fool of myself? What if no one wants to go with me? What if?—”

“Whoa, whoa,” Kelsey interrupted my spiral. “Slow down, honey. First of all, any guy would be lucky to have you on his arm. Second, we’ve got time. The Grampys aren’t for a couple of months. And third,” she squeezed my hands, “I’ve got your back, okay? Always.”

I nodded, grateful for her support but still terrified. As Kelsey pulled me into a hug, my mind raced with possibilities and fears. A red carpet date? Me?

What had I gotten myself into?

Okay, okay. It was all going to be fine. I would pull myself out of this body confidence spiral. I didn’t actually believe that I was unattractive. More importantly, I would be absolutely honored if some woman who didn’t believe she was beautiful saw me on the red carpet and saw a bit of herself in me.

If I held onto that, I could fake it until I made it. I knew I could. I’d just had a momentary freak out, and that was okay. Every woman in the world would worry about what she’d look like on the red carpet in front of all those cameras.

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