Page 68 of The Anaconda Downstairs

I looked up at him, fighting the roiling in my chest and stomach. “Even when you told me you loved me, my first thought was that you must be kidding. That this couldn't be real.”

Hurt flashed across his face and hurried on. “It's not that I don't believe you love me, Ev. It's me. These doubts... they don't just go away because we said I love you to each other.”

The room fell silent. I could feel the weight of everyone's concern, and it made me feel even smaller.

“Oh, honey,” Kelsey said softly, moving to sit on my other side. “Remember what we talked about at the spa?”

I shrugged. I remembered feeling empowered that day, and I'd declared that I was stronger, but what had felt like a giant leap had turned out to be one small step for chubby-girl-kind.

Kelsey, who knew me and the journey I'd been on since meeting her better than anyone else, saw right through me. “I know you don't believe it yet, Pen, but we weren't blowing smoke up your ass when we told you that no one is totally confident all the time. We all struggle against these ridiculous beauty standards.”

“But that's just it,” I said, the words tumbling out now. “I'm supposed to be this beacon of body positivity. I tell people to love themselves, to embrace their bodies. But what if... what if Odin found out I don't believe in what I'm preaching? What if he exposes all the times I've felt insecure, all the posts where I claimed to be happy with my body when, deep down, I was struggling?”

Jules leaned forward, her usual mischief replaced with something so powerful, I couldn't even begin to understand what was stoking the fires in her soul. “Pen, that doesn't make you fake. It makes you human.”

Trixie nodded in agreement. “Authenticity isn't about being perfect. It's about being real, struggles and all.”

“They're right,” Everett said, gently turning my face towards his. “Your journey, your struggles—they’re what makes your message so powerful. You're not speaking from some unreachable place of perfection. You're in the trenches, fighting the same battle as everyone else.”

I bit my lip and looked him right in the abs. “Everyone?”

“Baby, you should have seen how nervous I was at the KnightWear photoshoot.” He glanced over at his brother and shrugged. “I've never told anyone this, but I threw up twice.”

“What? But...” He was fit, he was perfect by every standard out there. He had a six pack and those deliciously wide shoulders, and muscles where I didn't even know muscles grew.

“And do you know that they still photoshopped the pictures? You've seen my ass. It's not shaped like that. That's an artist's rendering of my butt.” He made a disgusted face that said he did not approve of these messages.

I took his hand and kissed his fingers. “I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm flabbergasted too. I... I guess everyone really can have body insecurities.”

Neith, ever the pragmatist, spoke up. “Penelope, your vulnerability could be your greatest strength here. What if, instead of trying to hide your struggles, we embrace them?”

Ugh. Now I was going to be the one to throw up twice, because I had a horrible feeling I knew exactly what she wanted me to do. I asked anyway just in case I was wrong. “How do you mean?”

“What if we get ahead of Odin? What if you share your journey, doubts and all, on your own terms? Show the world that body positivity is a journey, with twists and turns and falls and mountains, not some sunny, beachy, perfect destination.”

I was right. I was going to throw up. “But what if I suck it up, buttercup, and let people see that struggle, those vulnerabilities, and it's not enough? What if people feel betrayed? Because that's not what I've been saying all along.”

“Then we help them see by the rest of us also showing them the truth,” Kelsey said firmly. “We show them that body positivity isn't about never having doubts. It's about loving yourself despite those doubts, about fighting back against a world that tries to make us feel small.”

I looked around the room and saw nods of agreement.

“Look, Pen,” Everett said, his voice gruff and gravely, “you've got an army behind you. We're not fighting because we thinkyou're perfect. We're fighting because we know you're real. And that's worth a hell of a lot more.”

I blinked a hundred times, holding back the tears welling up, but for the first time in forever, they weren't tears of fear.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “All of you. I... I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this. But I want to try.”

Everett pulled me close, pressing a kiss to my temple. “You are strong enough. And on the days you don't feel strong, you've got all of us to lean on.”

I still felt the weight of my insecurities, of the self-doubt that I'd tried my best to shove under the carpet for years. But now, it felt a little lighter. Maybe, just maybe, my struggles could help others feel less ashamed, less alone, and less unloved too.

BESTIES FACESPACE GROUP LIVE

[Kelsey Best and Penelope Quinn on camera in front of a fireplace]

Penelope:Hey, Besties. We've got a very special live for you today and look who’s here with me.

Kelsey:Hey, everyone. Welcome to our live stream.

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