“Her name was Maddie. Sweet girl. You met her in a children’s music class. You were four. She was almost six.”
“Older woman,” I murmur. “Nice.”
“You two were inseparable for about six weeks. Your mother and I were positive you’d met your soulmate.”
I laugh. “What happened?” I have no recollection of this, so no chance Maddie stuck around. “Did she move or something?”
Grandma yanks the stopper out of the bottle of Pinot Noir she started yesterday. “She asked to be your girlfriend and hold your hand. You said no and she never forgave you. She mooned you and then refused to speak to you ever again.”
“She mooned me?” I ask.
“I’m assuming it was six-year-old speak for ‘fuck you.’”
“Lovely.” I find the baguette of crusty bread in the second oversized bag of takeout. Grandma raises her brow at me as I tear a piece off with the gusto of a caveman. “Why are you tellingme this?” I ask Grandma before tearing off a piece of bread and popping it into my mouth.
“I thought I’d warn Ms. Lennox that if she wants to stay in your life, not to reveal her feelings for you, keep her hands to herself, and her ass fully covered.” Grandma smirks as she fills two wine glasses halfway.
“What makes you think Lennox has feelings for me? You’ve never even met her.”
“Oh, Dex. So smart, yet still such a man. She’s spending her Saturday evening having dinner at home with you and your old grandma. What does that tell you?” Cradling the bulb of the glass in her palm, Grandma takes a long sip of wine.
In any other circumstance, I’d make an excuse. But I can’t lie to Grandma. I’ve tried. She sees right through me.
“Have you ever met someone who tethers you to the earth? All those times before when I wanted a different life… I don’t know. She helps me see the world differently. I like her reality better than my own.”
I can’t read Grandma’s expression. Her face tenses as she studies my eyes. Her bright red lips are pressed together but not pursed.
She’s silent, so I continue, “That’s why you wanted me to come out here, isn’t it? Perspective?”
Grandma sets her wine glass down. “You love her.” It’s a statement, not a question.
“No, Grandma. Nothing like that, I just…” Well, I don’t know.What the fuck else is this, then?A lonely, rich boy’s puppy love? Wanting what I can’t have? “I think I could one day,” I admit. “But I also don’t think I’m destined for love. I know how Grandpa treated you. I don’t want that for Lennox or any woman I love.”
“Don’t want what for her, Dex?”
“A lonely life. It’s not fair. I know what my duties are. What you and Grandpa left me to take care of. My life here in Vegas is a break, not an escape.”
Grandma steps towards me and places her palms on either side of my cheeks. Her cool hands are trembling. “Choose love overfair. Over duties.Escape, Dex. Do you understand me? Love, love,love.Fight for it. Obsess over it. It’s the only thing that makes sense at the end of your life. How do I get you to understand that? You should have loyalty to absolutely nothing else except love.”
I place my hands over hers. They feel smaller than usual, and the tips feel icy as she rubs them under my eyes. “Grandma, are you okay?” This is not the Dottie Hessler I’m familiar with. She’s strong, determined, and takes no shit. I don’t recognize her pleading tone, and I can’t help but wonder if I’ve left when she needs me most. “Do you need me to come back home?”
She shakes her head, her eyes nearly watering. “No, Dex. Stay. Just please don’t make the same mistakes as me. It doesn’t have to make sense for it to be exactly right. Tell me more about her.”
“She’s a ferocious little thing. She’s so honest and earnest. Heart wide open all the time. She’s a philosophical genius and doesn’t even know it. Unlike the rest of us, it doesn’t seem like she’s alive to accomplish or acquire anything. She just exists to get to know the best version of herself. She’s brave because she’s completely unashamed to admit when she’s scared. Her honesty is addicting. I don’t know how to explain it…she’s changing my mind about everything. Maybe changing my heart.”
Grandma returns to her wine glass and smiles. “I like her already.”
Lennox
They didn’t hear me come in. Dex told me the front door was unlocked, so I slipped in without knocking, but I halted in the hallway when I heard his grandma telling him to choose love. It didn’t seem like a conversation I should interrupt. Instead, I shut my mouth and listened.
Love, love, love. Fight for it. Obsess over it.I think I’ll hear her words on repeat in my head forever. Such persuasive conviction in her plea.
The moment would’ve stayed sweet and endearing had I not heard Dex gushing over Leah right afterward.She’s changing my mind… Maybe changing my heart.Those words are engrained in my brain, too.
It’s odd, though. I talked to Leah a couple weeks ago when she and Dex started hanging out. She likes him. Of course, she does. Who wouldn’t? But she seemed so nonchalant. She even told me she had no intention of becoming exclusive. I guess I didn’t realize how quickly and deeply they’d connected in the seemingly five seconds since Leah and I had that conversation. I think I’ve been on more dates with Alan than Leah’s been on with Dex. Admittedly, I’ve been moving so slowly with Alan we’re practically moving backward. There was a little part of me still holding onto the idea of me and Dex. But apparently, I’m pining over a man who’s falling in love…with another woman.
And his grandma is just as smitten. So, what the hell am I doing here?