Page 67 of Selfie

The dramatic shift in conversations catches me off guard. “From Starbucks?”

“Yeah.”

“They’re fine, I guess.” I think I’ve only had one in my entire life, and I don’t remember caring much for the texture.

“I get my allowance tomorrow. If you let me know when you’re coming to hang out again, I can get us some. Spencer used to eat them with me, but not anymore. She can’t eat anything now that she’s off her skinny pills.”

“Skinny pills?”

“Sometimes pills, sometimes shots. But she was more fun back then. Jesse used to take us to Dave and Busters and we’d eat fries and wings and stuff like that.”

All I can think of as she tells me this is that it was actuallyCharliewho was funding their family outings. “Now Spencer doesn’t eat anymore?”

“No. She got really sick from her medication and passed out one time…” A haze comes over her as she falls silent. It’s like she got caught on an unpleasant memory. I stay quiet, giving her time to process and finish explaining because in one conversation, she’s helped me put so many pieces of the Spencer puzzle together.

“What happened?” I eventually ask.

“She wasn’t responding. I had to call nine-one-one. It was really scary. After she stayed in the hospital overnight, she promised me she’d stop taking all that stuff that made her sick. She weighs herself like fifty times a day now though. Sometimes I wish she’d go back on them so she’d have fun again.”

“Fun as in eating cake pops with you?”

Charlie nods. “And Flamin’ Hot Cheetos because those are thebest.”

Outside of the heartburn, yeah. But I don’t say that because it makes me sound old as dirt. “I like those too.”

Her eyes sparkle as she beams at me. “I bet I’m going to like you even more than Jesse.”

Thump.

It winds me. Such a sweet sentiment, but now it’s crystal clear why Charlie is pouring me cereal, showing me her precious scrapbook of memories, and offering to buy me cake pops. Spencer is playing the role of the mother she lost, but there’s still a piece missing.

I imagine Spencer doesn’t easily bring men home because her little sister gets attached. She didn’t even tell Charlie the real reason she left Jesse, probably not to tarnish her sister’s memories and hurt her any more than necessary. Spencer has to think in every direction with every decision she makes. Everything she does impacts her sister. So the fact she asked me to spend the night last night…

She’s ready for something a lot more serious than I am.

I’m prepared to dip a toe in the water. But Spencer and Charlie are already in the deep end, waiting for their knight in shining armor to dive in. This is history on repeat, and I can’t go through it again.

Falling for my assistant. Loving her kid… Losing them both.

I won’t survive it.

I push back from the table so fast, my chair nearly topples. I catch it in the nick of time and scoot it in on the opposite side of the round table. “Charlie, it was nice to meet you, and thank you for sharing your cereal. I have to go, but will you tell Spencer I said bye?”

“I can go wake her up,” Charlie says.

“No, it’s okay. Let her rest.”

Byron isn’t even here yet, but with my wallet still in my back pocket, and my phone tucked in the front, I have what I need to go.

“Okay.” Charlie’s response is clearly disappointed, but I can’t linger. There’s no way to make this right. My chest is about to burst from my rapid heartbeat as my brow dampens. “Will I see you again?”

I wordlessly shrug before reaching for the front door handle, because I don’t want to tell her the truth…

No. Probably not.

21

Spencer

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